


Broken Like Me

by JS_89



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Ben Solo - Freeform, Eventual Kylo Ren/Rey, F/M, Masturbation, Netflix and Chill, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, The knights of ren have arrived, Vaginal Fingering, and maybe luke too, brief rey/hux action, but rey kind of does too, han is already gone at this point, hux is a piece of trash, i am not very nice to Rey, i will update these as i post, kylo has a past, kylo rebuilds his relationship with his mommy, mention of suicide, snoke lurks in the background, sorry girl, there is violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2019-12-27 01:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 50,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18294005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JS_89/pseuds/JS_89
Summary: Haunted military vet Kylo goes home to his small Connecticut town after the sudden death of his father to pick up the pieces of his life.Rey has a great job and great friends, but when Kylo Ren walks into her life one early fall morning, her world gets flipped on its head as the demons of her past and new troubles emerge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who has decided to give this fic a try, I thank you. This is my first Reylo fic and honestly, I have debated for months on whether or not I was ever going to put it up. But after reading a lot of Reylo fic (and I do mean A LOT, bingeing Reylo fanfic is my current obsession) some amazing, some ok, and some truly terrible... I have decided to hell with it. Stop second-guessing yourself Jess! So here is my first chapter. I have no one betaing as of right now, so please bear with me. I have read through things 3, 4 times and sometimes stuff still manages to be wrong. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> If anyone is curious, I do have a Reylo playlist I created on Spotify that I listen to when I write. Some of it is from the official character playlists and some of it is just songs I've come across that for whatever reason have felt Reylo-y to me.  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/9h2jwaftne45v1zlw0ylnmp9e/playlist/21R6MJt2Fzt3dFWytIV0eV?si=1c82e_m8Ss6bnohiGXkRyg

CHAPTER 1

 

Rey stepped out of her apartment and took a deep breath. Fall had finally settled into the small New England town she called home after, much to her chagrin, Summer had clung to the days like a leech. Don’t misunderstand, Rey enjoyed Summer as it was a time to be outside and enjoy the warmth and sun, which she did regularly, but she was ready for cooler days, changing leaves, and cozy clothes. Maybe it was in her blood, the dreary rain of Fall reminding her of England even though she hadn’t lived there since she was very young. She had been smuggled into the United States at the tender age of five and abandoned. Whoever her family was, she held out hope that someday they would return for her. As she locked her front door and tucked the keys in her coat pocket, she pondered her childhood. It hadn’t been ideal, far from it. Growing up in a group foster home, in a foreign country, had been hard. Especially since that group home had been run by a lowly piece of trash named Unkar Plutt. She shook herself out of her memories. The chill running down her spine wasn’t from the cool air. 

Taking another deep breath, she began her trek to work. Work, for Rey, was in a local garage called Chewie’s as the receptionist. She wasn’t a fan of her position, but it was a means to an end. She was taking night classes at the local college to become a mechanic. She spent her days at the shop, helping with administrative work, and learning from Chewie, Finn, and Poe, and 3 nights a week at school getting certified. She loved getting her hands dirty taking things apart and putting them back together, she had always been that way. It led to quite a few beatings as a child. Another chill ran down her spine and she huffed in frustration. “Let it go, Rey. It’s in the past,” she muttered to herself as she yanked open the front door to the shop and entered. Chewie was already inside shuffling things around on her desk. His massive seven-foot form was comical in the small office space. “Morning, Boss.”

“Where’s the invoice for that ’65 Ford F100 Poe finished yesterday? The owner is coming to get it in thirty minutes and I would like to talk to him personally,” he replied gruffly, not looking up from his task. Rey rolled her eyes as she approached and shooed him away from her desk. Reaching into the invoice folder and plucking up the paper he was looking for, she waved it before his nose with a smug look on her face.

“Did you, by chance, check the invoice folder before you destroyed my desk,” she asked, glancing down at the mess he had made. He snatched the paper from her hand and grumbled under his breath as he stomped back into his office and shoved the door shut behind him. “Someone is frickin’ grumpy this morning,” she said to the air. Just then, Finn walked through the front door. He had a large smile on his face and a bounce in his step. 

“Mornin’ Rey,” he chirped as he stopped in front of her desk. “Payday! Our checks ready?” She returned his large smile as she unlocked her top drawer and shuffled through the handful of checks until she found his. He tucked the check away into his coat before stripping it off and hanging it up on the coat rack. “The boss already here?”

“Yes, and he’s in a mood,” she replied as she removed her coat and slung it over the back of her chair. Finn gave a small chuckle before heading out into the garage to start working. The door chime went off again and Rey glanced up. “Morning Poe.” She smiled at him and slid his paycheck over to the edge of the desk. The dark-haired man grunted in response and grabbed up his envelope, stuffing it into his back-pant pocket and heading out into the garage. “Oh joy, another grumpy one today,” Rey said as she began reorganizing her desk. She had just gotten everything back in order when the door chime went off again. She glanced up and saw a tall man standing in front of her, his hair was dark and shaggy, grazing the collar of his red and black flannel shirt. He had a long, pale face with a regal nose and pouty lips. The man left his sunglasses on, and she couldn’t tell if he was looking at her or not. He cleared his throat, effectively snapping her out of her examination of him. Plastering a large smile on her face, she greeted him. “Good morning, sir. How may I help you?” 

“Is Chewie here,” the man asked. His voice was low, but sort of nasally, and it made the hairs on Rey’s neck stand up. She slapped a hand to the back of her neck, rubbing at the suddenly prickling skin.

“Um… yes. He’s...” her words escaped her, and she jerked a thumb toward his office door behind her. The man tilted his head at a slight angle, as though he was studying her. Just then, as if over-hearing, Chewie opened his office door and the man’s head snapped up to look in that direction. 

“Ah, there you are, boy. Come into my office for a minute.” The man stepped around Rey’s desk and shut the door behind him. Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. Standing up, she moved around her desk and went out into the garage. Poe and Finn had turned music on and were chatting away over the open engine compartment of a Jeep. 

“Hey guys,” Rey said, as she walked up. “Doing anything fun tonight?” Poe pulled his arms out of the guts of the car and began wiping his hands down the front of his coveralls.

“Yeah, we were just talking about going to The Cantina tonight, it reopened a couple days ago.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t think it would open again so soon after the owner died,” Rey replied as she leaned against the car the boys were working on. “Do you guys mind if I join you?”

“Nah, of course not! The more the merrier,” Finn said as he was digging through his toolbox. Rey smiled. Finn and Poe were good guys. She’d known Finn since school. He, like Rey, didn’t have parents. But unlike Rey, he was raised by his grandmother. Poe, being a bit older than them, was someone she didn’t meet until she started working at Chewie’s. The two where quite the pair together. Finn had dark skin, wide-set brown eyes and the biggest smile she had ever seen. Poe had tan skin, dark hair and a strong jaw. They drew female attention everywhere they went. She heard the door to the office open and the tall, dark-haired man walked in with his invoice in his hand. Rey took a quick step toward him.

“Hi, were you ready to pay out?” 

The man paused, tilting his head slightly again. “Chewie took care of me,” he replied, jangling the keys in his pocket.

“Oh, alright. Was there something else I could help you with?” She gave him a broad smile, wondering why he didn’t just go to his vehicle and leave.

“I just wanted to thank you guys for fixing up my truck,” he said, stepping forward to shake hands with Poe and Finn. “Name’s Kylo.” She took the opportunity to study him a little more. He was wearing dark-wash jeans and brown work boots. She couldn’t help but study the wide plane of his back and shoulders as he chatted with the mechanics for a moment.

“Well it’s nice to meet you. I’m Poe and this goofy looking guy over here is Finn,” Poe said, jerking his head in the direction of his friend as he shook Kylo’s hand. Finn scoffed and stepped forward.

“Good to meet you,” Finn said as he gripped the man’s hand. Kylo turned then and stepped toward Rey. He extended his hand to her.

“Miss…” he started. She cleared her throat and gripped his hand. It was large, quite large, and slightly calloused. Her skin prickled again.

“Rey,” she said, after a long moment. “My name is Rey.”

 

*****

 

“Rey,” she said softly. “My name is Rey.” He continued to hold her hand. It was so small and delicate, but slightly rough. Rougher than he had expected for a receptionist. He examined her then. Maybe a half a foot shorter than him with a petite build, she had shoulder-length brown hair, and large hazel eyes. Her skin was slightly tanned with a smattering of freckles across her delicate nose and cheeks, and her lips were full and a delicate pink color. She was wearing a rich green-colored button-up blouse tucked into a pair of light-wash, high-waisted jeans and a pair of toffee-colored ankle boots.

“It’s nice to meet you, Rey,” he said as he let go of her hand. She reached up and rubbed the back of her neck again, like she had earlier. The corner of his mouth quirked up. Strange girl, he thought as he gave a short wave and said his good-byes, turning and exiting the garage through the open bay door. As he climbed into his truck, Kylo thought about the turn his life had taken in the last few years. After leaving the military, he had traveled a bit before settling down in New York. He did odd jobs here and there, to get by and keep him busy. Not being busy was when things got hard. He couldn’t sleep without nightmares haunting him, and the waking hours of down-time were plagued with horrible flashbacks and memories. He was only in the city for about a year before he had gotten the call. His father had suddenly died. A massive heart attack took him while he was working behind the counter of his bar, The Cantina. Kylo hadn’t seen his father in years, and the last time he had, they had argued. He shook his head then, as if the act could shake away the memories and regrets, and he released his overly-tight grip on the steering wheel and gearshift. “Let the past die, man. Let it go,” he said to himself as he pulled into his driveway. 

Climbing down out of his truck, his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen, groaning as he saw the caller ID. “Yes, mother,” he said gruffly, answering the call.

“Ben,” his mother started, and he clenched his free hand into a fist. He hated her using that name. “I wanted to see if you would have dinner with me tonight, I haven’t seen you much since you moved back home.” He was stepping through the garage door into his mudroom, and he paused, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m running the bar tonight,” he said, stepping into his kitchen and unloading his pockets onto the counter. 

“Have you not found anyone to help you since you’ve reopened,” she asked, in a clipped tone. He sighed.

“No, Mother. I told you, with the way money is right now, I can’t afford help.”

“And I told you, that I could always call Luke to help you. He putters around his house all day doing nothing, anyway.”

“No. I don’t want Luke working there. End of story. Was there anything else I can help you with, I have stuff to do.” He had flopped down onto his couch at some point, already exhausted from the conversation.

“No, I guess that was it,” she replied sullenly. He sighed and scrubbed his free hand down his face. Guilt trips had always been one of her superpowers.

“How about I come by tomorrow for an early lunch, if you’re free,” he offered gently. There was the soft sound of shuffling paper from her end.

“That will work, if we can do it at about 11?”

“That’s fine. I’ll come get you from your office.”

“See you then, love you!”

“Yeah, you too,” he said, before ending the call and throwing his phone onto the cushion next to him. How could his mother even think he wanted help from Luke? Luke was the reason Kylo had started down the dark path his life had been on for many years. It was Luke who had pushed Leia to put him in a military school. That had been only the beginning. He rested his head onto the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling for a while, lost in thought. Eventually he lifted his head and looked around at the boxes sitting around the space. Unpacking had felt like a commitment to this place he had never wanted to return to. It’s time to accept the inevitable, he told himself. Rubbing his forehead, he got up and approached the stack near the fireplace, cutting open the box on top with a knife he had left on the mantle the last time he had considered unpacking. The box was full of books and he began removing them and placing them on the mantle. By the time he got to the end of the mantle, he still had quite a few books left. Kylo carried the box into his room and lined them up along one of the built-in shelves above his bed.

Returning to the living room, he opened the next box. This one made him pause. It was full of pictures. He hadn’t opened this box since he had returned to Haddam. His mother had dropped off boxes of things he had left with her when he moved out. He gently lifted the first frame out. It was cherry wood and held a picture of him and his father and Luke. He had been six years old when they took a family camping trip to Haddam Meadows State Park. Leia had taken the candid shot while the men (and little Ben) had been trying to set up the tents. Kylo’s grip on the frame tightened, as he realized that had been the last family vacation they had taken. He put the frame back in the box and lifted out another photo, this one in a black frame. It was a photo of 10-year-old Ben, standing awkwardly in football gear. He remembered that day all too clearly. His mother had signed him up for a small local peewee football team in an effort to help him socialize and vent some of his aggression in an acceptable way. It hadn’t helped. Not only had he not socialized with his teammates, he had been too aggressive, according to the coach. That particular day had been the day of his first, and only, football game. He sighed, placing the frame back in the box as well. He moved the box to the coffee table, deciding to deal with it later.

The last box in the stack was clothes. He carried it into the bedroom and began unloading them into his dresser. His mind wandered back to the girl Rey. He wondered what her story was.

 

****

 

“Hey Rey,” Finn called through the office door as she was packing her things to leave for the day.

“What’s up.” Her head popped up over the edge of the desk where she had been bent over in her chair adjusting a sock. Damn thing had slipped down her foot and bunched around her toes. So annoying. 

“You ready to go? We’re headed out.” She looked around to make sure everything was done. Chewie had left early, and it was left to her to lock up. She nodded.

“Yeah, I think so.” Rey stood up, shrugging on her coat and pulling the office keys out of her pocket. “I’ll be out in a second.” Finn nodded and turned to leave. “Make sure the bay is locked up,” she hollered after him, and saw his hand wave of acknowledgement through the glass in the door. Rey stepped to the garage door and locked it before moving to the front door and setting the alarm. The countdown beep commenced, and she slipped out the front door into the cool night air, turning to lock up. As she was tucking her keys away, a ’70 Dodge Charger roared around the building, screeching to halt in front of her. It was a shiny black with orange racing stripes up the middle. Finn jumped out of the passenger side and pulled the seat forward, climbing into the back and allowing Rey to sit shotgun. She grinned at him as she climbed in. “Thanks buddy,” she said, buckling her seatbelt.

“No problem. I’m less likely to die back here,” he said, with a smirk. Poe shot him a hurt look in the mirror.

“I’m not that bad of a driver,” he said indignantly, putting the car into gear.

“No, not bad. Just crazy.” 

“Yeah, ok,” Poe replied with a wink at Rey. She knew what was coming and gripped the door handle as Poe hit the gas and took off out of the parking lot like a shot, leaving tread marks in their wake. 

“WOOOOO!” Rey squealed, and Finn shook his head. 

“I would like to make it to the bar alive, please!” Finn shouted from the backseat over the roaring of the engine. Rey laughed, loving it. There weren’t many opportunities for adrenaline rushes in this town, and Rey took what she could get. They were soon merging onto the main stretch of road through town, where most of the businesses were. As they approached the bar, Poe swung the Charger around and parked on the opposite side of the street. It was just past seven p.m. on a Friday night, so it wasn’t busy yet. The trio crossed the street and entered the bar to find there were only a couple people at the bar and a couple familiar faces seated in a large booth off to the left.

“Hey ladies,” Poe said with a charming grin as he approached the booth. His girlfriend, Jessika, and Finn’s girlfriend Rose, slid out of the booth and threw their arms around their boyfriends, giving them varying degrees of kisses. Poe and Jessika tended to be a little freer with their PDA, whereas Finn and Rose were more reserved, giving chaste pecks on the lips. Rey stood awkwardly off to the side, waiting to greet the girls. She glanced around the bar, seeing if anything had been changed. It looked the same as it had under the old owner. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around, Rose was standing in front of her.

“Hey Rey,” the shorter girl said, smiling up at her. 

“Hey Rose,” Rey said with a small smile, leaning in to hug the girl. She glanced over at Jess and Poe, who were still saying hello. As she and Rose parted, she rolled her eyes and laughed. “I’ll sit on the outside,” Rey said as she motioned for Rose and Finn to slide in. “You guys want anything?”

“We’ll be ok, got a pitcher,” Rose said, nodding to the almost full pitcher in the middle of the table. Rey nodded and threw her coat over the back of the booth before she pivoted and headed for the oval bar in the middle of the room. She gathered her hair into a high ponytail and slipped the hair tie from her wrist, twisting it into her hair. Leaning against the bar and looking around, she wondered who the new owner was. Suddenly a large form stood up at the other end of the bar, holding a box of cocktail napkins. It was the man from earlier. Rey glanced down and made sure her shirt was straight and tucked in, before moving closer to where he stood behind the bar and casually leaning into it again. She studied him as he unpacked the napkins. He was wearing the same clothes, except the top half of his hair had been pulled back into a small ponytail. She tilted her head, contemplating the planes and angles of his face. He’s quite attractive, she thought, just as he looked over at her. Rey felt a blush rush into her cheeks, as if he heard her thoughts.

“What can I get you,” he asked as he came to stand in front of her. Standing under the bar lights, she noticed something she hadn’t earlier because of his sunglasses and the shaggy hair in his face. He had a scar that ran down the right side of his face from just above the inner tip of his eyebrow, beneath his eye, down across his cheek, jaw and neck. It disappeared into the collar of his shirt. He cleared his throat. “Miss?” She shook herself and felt the earlier blush deepen. 

“Uh, soda please.” He stood for a moment and studied her. She reached up and self-consciously smoothed her hair. Rey was hyper-aware of his gaze which was intense and made her skin prickle with warmth. She saw his arms moving, but his eyes never left her as he brought the soda tap to a glass he had pulled from beneath the bar and filled it. She slid a five-dollar bill over the bar as he slid the glass in front of her. “Keep the change,” she said gently as she grabbed her soda and walked off. She plopped back down into the booth, glad to be mostly out of his line of sight.

“Hey Rey.”

“Hey Jess, glad to see you came up for air,” Rey said to the girl across the table, nestled into Poe’s side. Jess just smiled and turned back to nuzzle her boyfriend’s neck. Rey watched them sullenly, then glanced over at Rose and Finn. Normally, she was alright being the odd one out, but suddenly the wave of loneliness hit her like a truck and she desperately wished she was old enough to drink. Just a couple more weeks, she consoled herself, then I’ll be old enough to drown my sorrows. She glanced back over at the bar where Kylo was still watching her as he wiped down the bar top.

 

****

 

It was just after seven in the evening. Kylo heard the roar of an engine outside as he knelt to reorganize some boxes below the bar. A few moments later, the door opened. He heard voices, but none close by, so he kept doing what he was doing. When he stood up a minute later, he saw someone in his peripheral standing at the other end of the bar. He took a quick glance to see who it was. It was the girl from the garage, Rey. He felt her gaze on him as he finished putting away the napkins and turned his head to look at her. He wasn’t sure, in the dim lighting and from that distance, but it looked like her cheeks were pink. He moved to stand in front of her and realized he was right. She was blushing.

“What can I get you?” She hesitated, staring at him. He watched her eyes, those big hazel eyes, trace the line of the scar down his face. He was used to people staring at it by now and really couldn’t blame them, it was hard to miss. He cleared his throat before saying, “Miss?” She shook herself and focused on her hands clasped together on the bar in front of her. The pink in her cheeks deepened and crept down toward her neck and up near her hairline. 

“Uh, soda please,” she said softly.

He took a moment to examine her. She had pulled her hair up into a high ponytail, which bounced slightly as she shifted. She reached up and smoothed her hair. He smirked for a second before schooling his face back into his normal stoic expression. Without taking his eyes off her, he grabbed the soda hose and a glass and began to fill it. As he gently slid the glass across the bar top, she slipped a five toward him.

“Keep the change,” she said, grabbing the drink and walking away. He picked up the five and put it in the register, watching her as she walked back to her booth. Her waist was small, and it flared out into a round little bottom, which was perfectly hugged by her jeans. He cocked an eyebrow and smirked again, watching her slide into the booth with her friends. She was the fifth wheel in a group of couples. As he stood wiping down the bar, he continued to watch the group and wondered if she was normally the odd one out or if she had a boyfriend. Just then, she glanced over her shoulder and their eyes met. He averted his gaze, somewhat embarrassed he had been caught, and pretended to busy himself with the beer taps.

A little while later, Kylo was wiping a recently vacated table, when he heard the door open. He grabbed the empty glasses off the table and walked back behind the bar. As he put the glasses in the sink, he glanced at the person who had walked up to the counter and his movements stuttered slightly before he caught himself. “So, the rumors are true,” the red-headed man stated as he took a seat on the nearest barstool. “You came back.” Kylo studied the man as he considered what to say. He hadn’t seen Hux since he was discharged, but the man looked the same. About Kylo’s height, but with a much thinner build, Hux’s defining feature was his bright orange hair, which stood out in stark contrast to his very pale skin. His hair was a little bit longer than it had been, but he still had a very military air about him. From his appearance to the way he carried himself. Kylo rolled his eyes at the obvious statement.

“Clearly,” he replied dryly as he continued washing the glasses he had just picked up. “What I don’t get, is what you’re doing here,” Kylo stated, holding Hux’s eye contact. The man smirked. 

“Why do you think I’m here, Ren?” Hux continued smirking at him, and Kylo felt the red-hot ball of anger, ever-present in his chest, grow. He placed his palms flat on the bar top and leaned forward. Hux’s irritating smirk faltered slightly. 

“Don’t play games with me, you shit. Why…are…you…here,” Kylo ground out in a low, menacing growl. Hux stood up then, putting himself out of arm’s reach, and smoothed his suit jacket.

“I live here.”

Kylo scoffed. “Why?” This fucker is mistaken if he thinks I won’t jump over this bar and beat some answers out of him, Kylo thought.

Hux sniffed, looking around as if the conversation was no longer entertaining. “Snoke sent me here months ago. He knew you would come back, eventually and he wanted me to keep an eye on you,” Hux finally answered. Kylo’s mind was reeling and he gripped the edge of the counter, hard. The old wood groaned slightly in his grip. 

“But you weren’t in New York,” Kylo said with uncertainty.

“No, but you were watched nonetheless,” Hux stated. “I’m here to protect Snoke and his interests, and I figured living in a small American town would feel like a vacation, so I volunteered to keep an eye on you personally.” Just then, someone cleared their throat from a few feet away. Both Hux and Kylo snapped their heads in the direction of the sound. The dark-skinned man from the garage, Finn, was standing at the bar with an empty pitcher.

“Sorry to interrupt. Can we get a refill,” Finn asked. Kylo stepped over and snatched the pitcher off the bar, holding it under the tap he had filled it from earlier. His mind was racing, and he was trying desperately not to get overwhelmed by sensory over-load as all at once the bar noises were too loud, the lights too bright, the air too thin. Kylo could feel his pulse on the back of his scalp and he took a deep breath as he set the pitcher down in front of Finn. Finn picked it up with a nod and walked back to his friends, oblivious to the tumult in Kylo’s head. Kylo and Hux watched silently as he slid into the booth. He wondered for a moment where Rey was, when he spotted her coming out of the hallway at the front of the bar leading to the bathrooms. She moved past the front door, and then stood next to her table, picking up her glass to sip her soda. Hux made a small sound, causing Kylo to snap his attention back to the red-headed asshole standing in front of him.

“And who is that,” Hux asked, reaching up to smooth his hair. His eyes were locked on Rey in a predatory gaze, and at that moment she glanced over her shoulder at them. She was smiling and Kylo’s stomach clenched. He knew what was coming and he was not happy about it. Hux moved forward, stepping up to Rey. Kylo watched as the weasel put on his best charming smile and introduced himself. Rey’s friends were watching from the booth, giving each other knowing smirks.

You idiots, stop her. Can’t you tell he’s evil? Kylo thought to himself as he watched from the bar, helpless do anything else.

 

****

 

Rey had been chatting away with her friends for a little while, when she had to go to the bathroom. She took her time, fussing with her hair, checking her minimal make-up. She loved her friends, but they were very unaware of how couple-y they were around her. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the continued onslaught of couple cuteness, and left the bathroom. As she passed the bar, she noticed there was a man talking to Kylo. He was tall and thin, with a shock of red hair and strong facial features. The mysterious man was wearing a beautifully tailored dark suit with a crisp white shirt beneath and the shiniest black dress shoes she had ever seen. There was clearly some kind of tension between he and Kylo, as she could see it in their body language just at a glance, but Rey continued to make her way back to her table. When she approached though, she lingered next to it instead of sitting down, considering going up and introducing herself to the redhead.

“You’ve got an admirer, Rey,” Poe said, inclining his head to indicate behind her. When she glanced over her shoulder at the two men, the newcomer was looking at her and Kylo was glaring daggers at him.

Wonder what his problem is, Rey thought as she took in Kylo’s scowl. Suddenly, the man was approaching her. She turned her body to greet him, and as he got closer she took a better look at him. Despite his somewhat sharp features and extreme pallor, he wasn’t a bad looking man. Attractive in an unconventional way. The man extended his hand to hers. His fingers were long, and some part of her lonely, lonely mind thrilled at that fact. Oh Christ, Rey, she admonished herself, feeling warmth pool in her lower belly. She felt a flush run up her neck into her face as the man smiled at her.

“Hi. I’m Armitage,” the man said in a posh English accent.

“Hi. I’m Rey.” She smiled back at him.

“Rey, can I buy you a drink,” he asked as he let go of her hand.

“Oh no, thank you. I’m alright for the moment.” She suddenly felt incredibly awkward, not sure what to do next. Glancing at her friends, they were nodding encouragingly at her and Rose was mouthing, “Talk to him.” She cleared her throat. “Um, Armitage,” she began slowly, making sure to pronounce his name correctly, “these are my friends. Poe, Jess, Rose and Finn,” she said as she indicated each. 

“Hello, everyone. Do you all work together?” He was smiling, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, Rey noticed with a small frown. 

Poe jumped in. “Rey, Finn and I work together at Chewie’s, the garage. These two,” indicating Jess and Rose, “work at city hall, for mayor Organa.”

“Are you a mechanic,” Armitage asked, addressing Rey.

“Not yet. Right now, I only work the front desk. But I’m working toward certification.” Armitage nodded, showing mild interest. 

They spoke for a little while. Armitage was evasive about his work, but spoke at length about his interests, which included war movies, model building, and his cat. Eventually, he said he had to leave but asked if they could exchange numbers. She agreed, pulling out her phone, which he took and input his number. Before handing it back, he called his phone with hers and saved her number. She took her phone back when he offered it and looked at his contact card. He had input his name as Armie. They said their goodbyes, and he leaned down to brush his lips against her cheek, making her breath catch slightly. She hadn’t been touched like that in a very long time and he smelled nice, like leather and sandalwood.

When he left, Rey was smiling to herself. He wasn’t typically her type, in the physical sense. But she hadn’t had male attention in a long time and he seemed nice enough. She noticed Kylo standing behind the bar scrolling through his phone, so she wandered over and sat down on a barstool. He glanced up at her but didn’t move. “So….” Rey started, clasping her hands together on the bar in front of her, elbows out to the sides.

“So.” He put his phone in his pocket and leaned onto the bar top with his forearms. Rey briefly considered asking him about Armie before thinking better of it. Another time, perhaps.

She decided instead, for a topic less personal. “You gonna make any changes to the place?” Rey motioned to the room. His face shifted from expectant to surprised and then contemplative. 

“Got any suggestions?” He smirked at her and her pulse skipped slightly before she looked around, considering the room.

“Well, that jukebox,” she started, pointing to the relic sitting near the stage at the back of the room. Kylo glanced back at it. “Maybe one of those internet jukeboxes would be a nice upgrade.” He smirked at her again.

“Gotta have money for those kinds of upgrades,” he replied dryly. “And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s eight-thirty on a Friday night and this place is dead.”

“True.” She paused for a second and then took a breath before beginning again. “You gotta draw the crowds in. Do something fun. This is a small town. It wouldn’t take much.” He was studying her face intently as she spoke. Her skin felt flushed under his piercing gaze. Clearing her throat nervously, she continued, “What about Karaoke?”

His stoic expression broke then. His brows furrowed, and the corners of his full lips pulled into a frown. “Seriously?” 

Rey let out a harsh laugh, caught off-guard by his reaction. Her hand flew up to her mouth, embarrassed beyond words that she had just let her ugly laugh go in public. That laugh was normally reserved for funny Tumblr posts or dog videos on Facebook. She could feel the blood rushing to her face, making her as red as a tomato. His scowl disappeared, and he was smiling at her. It was a goofy smile, but so well-suited for him, and she felt the blood rushing in the opposite direction. Shifting awkwardly on her stool, she cleared her throat.

“What’s wrong with karaoke?” She replied quickly. He continued to smile at her for a moment before pushing himself back from the counter and reaching for a glass of water. He took a long sip and when he pulled the glass away, a small drop of water clung to his bottom lip. In the second before he wiped it off, she became acutely aware of how plush his lips were and how his chin dimpled ever so slightly just below the left side of his bottom lip. When his (large) hand popped into view to wipe away the drop, she came back to the present. He was speaking.

“…. just never imagined that would be something people in this town would enjoy.”

“You would be surprised what people can be into,” Rey said. Kylo’s eyebrows shot up his forehead, damn near vanishing into his hairline and she realized quickly how suggestive the statement had sounded. “Oh, dear lord,” she whispered to herself as she slipped off her seat. “Well yeah ok, I think I’ll just be going now. See ya.” She did an awkward wave and whipped around, walking stiffly back to her table. “I think I’m going to head out,” she said to her friends as she grabbed her coat. There was a small roar of protests from her friends and Finn jumped up, following her to the door as she slipped into her coat. 

“Rey, are you alright? Did Kylo say something that upset you?” He shot a scowl toward the bar.

“No,” she replied quickly, putting a hand on his arm. “Honestly, Finn, I’m just tired.” His deep brown eyes found hers and he nodded.

“Ok. Well do you want me to walk you?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I’ve got my taser,” she said patting her coat pocket. He nodded again, knowing there was no point arguing with her, and they hugged briefly. “Bye guys,” she said, leaning around Finn to wave at her friends.

“Bye Rey,” they chorused back. She glanced briefly over at the bar where Kylo was standing. He was watching her, so she gave another wave and a small smile before pushing through the heavy wood door out into the cold night air.

 

****

 

Kylo was closing down the bar many hours later. He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he did one last visual scan to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. He hadn’t made much money that night and the books were an ever-present worry in the back of his mind. He flipped off the lights and pulled the door closed behind him, locking it. As he walked across the street to his truck, his mind went back to his conversation with Rey. Maybe the girl had a point, maybe he needed to try something different. He chuckled to himself, slamming his driver’s side door behind him as he climbed in. Where in the hell do I find karaoke equipment?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's birthday comes with some highs, and a definite low. Kylo settles into his new life. Do the two connect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a no-good, filthy liar. I said I would have this chapter up faster, I'm really sorry! I can't make promises, but I will try very, very hard to get at least one chapter up each week. 
> 
> As for the tags, mind them please.

It had been a few weeks and Kylo was finally unpacked at home and settled into his new routine. He had lunch with his mother a couple times a week, and then went to the bar to do some work fixing it up before opening for the night. He was on his way to meet his mother for lunch one afternoon, when his phone started ringing from the chest pocket of his fleece-lined denim coat. He pulled it out, not checking the screen, and answered. “Hello?”

“Hi Ben,” a gruff voice answered on the other end. Kylo knew that voice and his jaw clenched instinctively. After he didn’t answer for a minute, the voice continued. “Your mother called me, said you might need an extra set of hands at the bar.” Kylo let out a harsh sound.

Dammit, Mother. “I told her I couldn’t afford it,” he said sharply. The man on the other end grunted in acknowledgement.

“Yeah, she mentioned that. Luckily for you, I don’t need money.” Kylo had pulled off the road, too distracted to continue driving safely. His free hand had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel and his right leg was bouncing in agitation. “Listen, kid,” Kylo let out a low growl at that, which the man ignored, “I’m going to be there tonight. Just let me help you.” It took a while for Kylo to respond. He was breathing deeply through his nose and out through his mouth, using the breathing techniques he was taught by a therapist years before to control his anger and panic. Eventually he had reigned his emotions into some semblance of control.

“Fine. Be there at 8. I won’t need help before then.”

“See you later,” the man replied. Kylo swept his finger across the phone’s screen, ending the call. He tucked the phone away and sat for a few minutes thinking that moving back had been a mistake. Kylo had pulled over just at the beginning of the main street through town, and as he sat watching people moving in and out of the businesses lining the street, he saw a familiar face step out of the bakery. It was Rey. Her hair was up in a bun at the crown of her head, and she was wearing a black bomber jacket fastened all the way up and a pair of medium wash skinny jeans with black high-top sneakers. Kylo watched, lost in thought as she followed the side-walk probably headed back to Chewie’s garage. His phone chirped. It was a text from his mother asking where he was. He put the truck back into gear and pulled out into the light flow of traffic. 

Oh, lunch is going to be fun, he thought bitterly.

He arrived at city hall less than five minutes later, to see his mother coming out the front of the building toward his truck. For a small woman, she was marching with a surprisingly authoritative air that intimidated everyone around her. Except Kylo, of course. He had grown up with this woman. Leia Organa was always “on.” She had grown up in wealth and politics and had very rarely been anything other than the epitome of poise and leadership. That was hard for a kid to understand and Kylo had often felt like a speed bump on his mother’s life path. He was pulled out of his memories at the sound of the passenger door clicking open. Leia stood there for a moment, looking around the cab of the truck. “Ben,” she said as she climbed in. 

“Mother,” he replied brusquely. She glanced at him as she buckled herself in, clearly choosing not to take the bait.

“I haven’t been in this truck in a while. Since before your father passed. Looks cleaner. Smells cleaner too.” 

If she thinks bringing up her dead husband is going to stop this conversation from happening, she is wrong, Kylo thought to himself as he put the truck back into gear and turned to pull out of the parking lot.

“Chewie said you brought The Falcon into him a while back. Was something wrong with it,” she asked as she rubbed her right hand along the inside of the door, just below the window. Kylo didn’t look at her as he answered.

“No. Just wanted to make sure it was all caught up on general maintenance.” Leia nodded.

“Han always took good care of this thing.” Kylo had no response. At least, not a kind one. He cleared his throat.

“Mother, Luke called me earlier,” he started, cutting his eyes in her direction. She didn’t respond, didn’t even nod. She just looked at him with a look that said she knew this was coming. “I told you I didn’t want help.”

“No, I believe you told me you couldn’t afford help,” she said, somewhat smugly. “Luke doesn’t want money.” Kylo snorted.

“How very politician of you. You know damn well what I meant.”

“First of all, don’t swear at me. I am still your mother. Secondly, you’re too stubborn for your own good. Let Luke help you. He wants to be around his nephew.” He glanced over at his mother then, hearing the waver in her voice as she said this. Her eyes were glassy, and her chin quivered ever so slightly. 

Maybe it’s time to forgive Luke, he only thought he was doing what was best, a voice reasoned. Dammit, another conceded. All of the fight left him then. He knew as well as she did that the weepy mother bit was put on, but he had spent so much time away from his family that the guilt dampened his anger. “Fine, I’ll let Luke help until I can afford to hire someone. But from now on, please respect my wishes.”

“As long as those wishes are sensible,” Leia replied, all signs of the delicate weepy woman gone. 

 

****

 

Rey had just returned to the garage coming off of her lunch break, when Poe and Finn came strolling in from the car bay wearing party hats. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Reeeeeeeeeyyyy, happy birthday to yoooooouuuu!” Rey was smiling like an idiot as Chewie stepped out of his office and joined in on the last line of the song. She felt his large hand come down on her shoulder and squeeze gently before she turned and hugged him. Chewie was a big man with long hair, a long beard and tattoo sleeves up both arms, but most of the time he was as gentle as a giant teddy bear. When he released her, she turned to her other friends and hugged each of them in turn.

“Thanks guys.”

“Did you think we had forgotten,” Poe asked with a smirk. Rey just smiled and shook her head slightly. “We all chipped in and got you a gift.” At that, Finn and Poe stepped back into the garage and brought with them a large item in a cardboard box. Rey watched as they set it down on the little table in the small kitchen area behind her desk. 

Finn nodded at the box and said, “Go on.” Rey approached the box and opened it tentatively. Her eyes grew wide and tears threatened to spill down her cheeks.

“Oh, you guys! You shouldn’t have” she said in a watery voice. It was a beautiful black three-drawer toolbox, and when she reached in to open it, it was full of tools. She gasped and could no longer hold back the tears. Little trails tracked down her face as she looked at her gift and then turned to her friends. Finn stepped forward then and wrapped her in another hug.

“Oh Rey, it’s alright. Why are you crying you silly girl,” he said into her hair and she tried to not wipe her face on his shirt.

“It’s such a lovely gift,” she sobbed into his shoulder, overwhelmed completely by the generosity of her loved ones. Poe laughed from somewhere behind her.

“What a weird reaction to something you like,” he said. Chewie laughed at that. 

“Well now that you’ve finished your certification, I was figuring you would be needing some tools if you’re going to be a mechanic in my shop,” Chewie said in his deep, warm voice. Rey’s head shot up from Finn’s shoulder to look at Chewie’s face. She had just finished her certification program at the beginning of the week and Chewie was already offering her a position in the bay. Rey’s face crumpled again as a fresh wave of sobs erupted from her. She released Finn and threw herself at Chewie, who threw his hands up in the air as if surrendering. “Calm down, kid. It’s only part-time. I still need help around the office,” he said gruffly as he patted her on the back. She sniffled and withdrew herself. 

“Sorry, guys. I’m just a little overwhelmed. This is the best birthday I’ve ever had,” she said in a small voice as she mopped at her face with a tissue from the box on her desk. The guys all nodded and shuffled uncomfortably.

“Well,” Poe started, “the day isn’t over yet. Are we still on for The Cantina tonight guys?” The younger set made sounds of agreement and then they all dispersed to finish up the day. Rey grabbed a box knife and cut away the sides of the box blocking her gift from view. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and snapped a picture of it, sending it to Armie.

Rey - Look at what the guys got me!! 

Armie - What is it?

Rey scoffed to herself.   
Rey - It’s a toolbox, funny man.

Armie - Oh, well, very cool. Happy birthday. Will I be seeing you tonight?

Rey - If you come to The Cantina.

Armie - What incentive do I have to go there?

Rey - Me, obviously 😉

Armie - In that case, see you there.

Rey turned her screen off and dropped her phone in her coat, as she smiled to herself. She dropped down into her chair and woke her computer up to get back to work. As she went about finishing up her work for the day, she thought about Armie. The last few weeks, they had gone on quite a few dates. Mostly meals, a couple movies, a park trip. The park trip had been awkward. Turns out, Armie is afraid of geese and they don’t much like him either. He had been chased all the way back to his car. It had taken everything in Rey’s power not to collapse to the ground in a fit of laughter. She chuckeld to herself, thinking of the pitch he hit when he screamed as he was charged by that goose.   
She had felt so bad for him, she had initiated a make-out session when he had taken her back to her apartment. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed it. She blushed as she remembered his hands creeping beneath the hem of her t-shirt and up her torso. The way he had palmed her breast and stroked his thumb over her nipple through the thin lacey fabric of her bralette. It had brought her nipple to a hard peak beneath the fabric, which he rolled gently between his fingers as he had continued to devour her mouth with his. That was the furthest they had gotten, but remembering it made her squirm in her desk chair and she had to force herself to focus on other things. Just gotta finish this paperwork up, then it’s playtime, she thought. A few minutes later, she heard the door to Chewie’s office open up behind her and the sound of his large boots moving across the floor. He stepped around her desk and paused on his way to the bay. 

“Rey, if you want to cut out early today, I can finish up the billing.” Rey looked up at him in surprise. 

“Boss, I can finish this up, it’s not a problem. You’ve already done so much…” He cut her off with a large hand in the air.

“Rey, you’re my best employee,” then he leaned down slightly, “though don’t tell the boys that. Delicate egos and all that. I have no problem spoiling those who deserve it.” He winked at her and she smiled so wide she thought her face might crack in two. 

“Thank you,” she said grabbing her coat from the back of her chair. 

“No problem. Don’t worry about your toolbox. You can leave it there. I’ll put it on the work bench in the bay.” She bounced up to him and threw her arms around him again.

“Thanks boss. You’re seriously the best.” He smiled down at her as she stepped back, and Rey felt another wave of love threaten to make her cry again. Shaking it off, she popped her head into the bay really quick to tell the boys she would see them later, and then bounced out the front door into the chilly October air.

When she got home about ten minutes later, she looked at the clock. She had a couple hours to get ready for the night and she planned on pampering herself. She stripped down and got into a nice hot shower. After doing her basic bathing routine, she used her special occasion sugar scrub and vitamin e body wash to make her skin feel ridiculously smooth, then she shaved everything to complete the smoothness. When she got out of the shower, she let her body air dry as she smoothed on lotion, misted her face with a rose water toner and combed through her hair. Rey walked into her room completely naked, enjoying the way her skin tightened slightly in the ambient temperature of the apartment, and stood before her closet to pick out her outfit. She slipped on a pair of cheeky lace underwear, in black. Then she plucked out the perfect dress, knowing she wouldn’t need to wear a bra with it. She hung it up on her closet door before heading back into the bathroom. Rey blow-dried her hair into soft waves and applied a small amount of product to hold them. She then applied a small amount of make-up. Thank the gods my skin tone is naturally pretty even, I hate mucking about with foundation and concealer, she thought as she dusted a gold highlighter across the tops of her cheeks, her cupid’s bow, and her collar bone. Then she did a green-based smokey eye that would go with her dress, a small wing liner and mascara and finished the look with a subtle pink-based nude lip. As she stood appreciating herself in the mirror, her phone chirped from the bedroom where it was charging. It was a text from Rose.

Rose - Happy Birthday!!! <3

Rey - Thank yooooouuuu 😊

Rose - Do you want Finn and I to pick you up?

Rey - Sure, that would be great!

Rose - We’ll be there in about 20, if that’s ok?

Rey - That’ll work. Thank you, guys. What would I do without you? <3

Rose - <3

Rey smiled to herself. She really was blessed with some of the best friends a girl could ask for. She walked over to her dress and took it off the hanger. The smooth fabric felt amazing against her body and she took another glance in her full-length mirror. Rey then plucked out a pair of heels she hadn’t been brave enough to wear yet. They were black peep toe platforms with gold chains around the ankle strap and dangling across the back of the heel. She put them on and took a few experimental steps. I think I will be ok. It’s not that bad, she thought as she walked through her apartment. She grabbed a small black clutch from her front closet and dropped her essentials in there. As she slid on a black leather jacket, her phone chirped again. It was Rose letting her know they were there. Rey took a deep breath and exited her apartment, locking it behind her. As she strode toward Finn’s white 2015 Subaru WRX STI with red racing stripes and a rear wing trunk lid spoiler on the back, Rose rolled down her front passenger window. 

“Woo hot momma,” she yelled while Finn whistled from the driver’s seat. Rey grinned and did a little spin, feeling an incredible high of confidence wash through her. She climbed into the backseat and buckled in as Finn got the car moving. Rose turned in her seat. “How are you walking in those heels?”

“I honestly have no idea, but don’t jinx me,” Rey said smiling. Rose laughed and handed Rey a carry-out box. 

“We figured you probably didn’t eat dinner, so we brought you something. You need to eat before you start drinking.” Rey’s heart swelled yet again with love for her friends, and she opened the box to find a couple slices of pepperoni pizza and some cheese bread from her favorite pizza place. She let out a happy sound as she picked up a slice and began munching. It was amazing and by the time they reached the bar, she had emptied the box and was dabbing at herself with the napkin Rose had handed her. She checked herself in her phone camera quickly before climbing out of the car with her friends and heading in. As they came through the door, she spotted Poe and Jess at the group’s usual booth. Everyone had dressed up a little bit for the occasion and they had already ordered a couple pitchers of beer for the table.

“Wow Rey! You look gorgeous,” Jess squealed as she wiggled out of the booth and gave her a hug. Rey flushed, embarrassed that Jess had said that so loudly in the crowded bar. It had drawn more than a couple glances in their direction. 

“Thanks, Jess. Look at you, though. I mean, wow.” Jess grinned and leaned in.

“What can I say, Poe and I are playing a little game of sexual chicken.” She winked as she turned to look at her boyfriend who could have burned a hole through them with the intensity with which he was watching Jess. Rey was almost certain Jess was going to win in that dress. It was a black bodycon mini dress with long sleeves and a rather large cut out at the back that went all the way down to just above her ass. The material looked sheer, but there were rows of shimmery black sequins crisscrossing over it. Rey moved toward the table with Jess and slipped out of her leather jacket, throwing it into the booth with her clutch.

“Hey, do you guys know why it’s so busy in here tonight,” Rey asked as she looked around curiously. 

“Kylo is doing a karaoke night,” Finn replied before taking a drink. Rey’s eyes grew wide and she let out a choked laugh. 

“You’re kidding.”

“Nah, dead serious. Check it out,” Finn said, nodding to the back of the room. Rey turned in her seat slightly and sure enough, there was a karaoke machine set up at the back of the room with fancy strobe lights and a mic stand. 

Holy crap on a cracker he actually did it, Rey thought to herself. She laughed and shook her head.

“What’s funny?” Rose was looking at her from the other side of Finn. 

“I made that suggestion to him weeks ago. Didn’t think he would actually do it.”

“Well he did. And since this karaoke thing was your idea, you’re going up to sing,” Poe piped up from across the table. He had a huge, mischievous grin on his face and Rey’s stomach dropped. She started to shake her head and argue that that was absolutely not happening, when Poe jumped up from the booth and made a beeline for the sign-up list.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake what is he doing,” Rey nearly shouted, panic pumping through her body. Her friends just laughed, and Finn slid a pint glass full of beer over to her with a knowing look.

“Better drink up.” Rey nodded and took the glass, downing half of it in one go and enjoying the almost immediate warmth of the alcohol hitting her system. Poe came strolling up just then with the most smug look she had ever seen on his face.

“Don’t get too drunk, now. Don’t want you throwing up on stage,” he said with a playful scolding tone.

“That might happen anyway,” Rey muttered to herself. “You’re the worst Poe.” He just laughed and patted her on the shoulder before taking his seat. I knew this nice day had to have a shit part somewhere, Rey thought bitterly.

 

****

 

Kylo had been at the bar for several hours before it opened doing minor repairs here and there, mostly in the bathrooms. They had needed the most attention from day one and Kylo had gotten them restored to just about acceptable. As he finished caulking around one of the women’s room sinks, he heard a faint knocking noise. Grumbling to himself at the inconvenience, he moved out into the hallway, wiping his hands off on a utility rag as he went. As he approached the front door, he glanced at his watch and realized it was almost time to open up. Kylo unlocked the door and began to lean out to tell the person ten more minutes, but as soon as he opened the door, he saw the shaggy grey hair and beard of his uncle. His stomach dropped and he sucked in a sharp breath, moving aside to let Luke in. “Pretty sure I told you I didn’t need you here until 8,” Kylo said gruffly. Luke just smiled at him and moved toward the bar in the center of the room.

“You did.”

“Well, you’re about four hours early.” Kylo was trying desperately to keep his anger in check. Why does no one in my family listen to me?

“I am,” Luke replied calmly, taking a seat at the bar. Kylo let out a harsh breath, suppressing the onslaught of profanity bubbling up his throat, and walked around the bar to make sure everything was ready to start serving. “Since I’m here, need help with anything?” Kylo had his back to his uncle and took full advantage of the fact that Luke couldn’t see his face to roll his eyes harder than a fourteen-year-old girl. 

“As a matter of fact, I just finished caulking a sink in the women’s bathroom. I left my tool box in there…” He glanced over his shoulder at his uncle. Luke just nodded at him with a small smile and stood up, taking off his coat and walking behind the bar to stuff it in a cubby below the bar. He moved to the hallway and out of Kylo’s line of sight. Kylo let out a long breath as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling and sent a silent prayer to anyone listening to give him extreme amounts of patience. 

The customers had trickled in here and there between four and seven-thirty, and then they came in big clumps of people. Kylo had set up the karaoke equipment at about seven with the help of the kid from the local music shop who had helped him order everything he needed. He had gone into the shop the day after Rey had suggested it and ordered everything, having to dig into his savings a bit for it, grumbling all the while about the influence of pretty hazel eyes. Thankfully the shop owner had given him a military discount, thanking him for his service all the while.

At about eight, one of the mechanics from Chewie’s (Kylo thought his name was Poe) came in with a pretty Asian girl on his arm. They ordered two pitchers of beer and five glasses before taking everything to their usual booth. Not fifteen minutes later, Kylo felt a rush of cold air as the front door opened again. This time he saw the other mechanic Finn holding the door open for his companions. The first one was the girl Kylo thought must be Finn’s girlfriend. A petite Asian girl who was always smiling and consistently polite when she ordered. 

Kylo’s breath caught and he ceased all movement as the second woman moved into the light of the bar. It was Rey, but where normally she looked like a fresh-faced young woman, now she looked older and mysterious. Kylo swallowed thickly and kept his eyes on her as he resumed what he had been doing. The girl at the booth with Poe squealed and got up to hug Rey. Kylo couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Rey gestured to the girl’s dress and the girl leaned in to say something as she glanced at her boyfriend with a devious look on her face. Rey flushed slightly, nodding politely as she obviously didn’t know how to respond to whatever the girl had said. They moved toward their booth and Rey took her leather jacket off, tossing it into her seat with her purse as she glanced around. 

Her hair was down and fell in soft waves to the tops of her shoulders. She was wearing a deep green sleeveless dress with a halter top neckline and a mid-thigh length skirt that pinched in at her small waist and then flared out. His eyes traveled the length of her legs to her shoes. They were black pumps with gold chains and they were doing wonderful things to her calves. Kylo swallowed again and looked away for a moment trying not to be obvious, but he couldn’t look away for long. His eyes found her again almost immediately. She had turned to take a seat and he realized the back of her dress was open, right down the middle, giving him a peek at the delicate curve of her back. This time he physically turned himself away and moved to the other side of the bar. After a moment, Luke stepped up next to him, a mischievous smirk on his face. “Someone certainly has your attention,” Luke said nonchalantly as he filled a pint glass from one of the beer taps. He glanced at Kylo, cocking an eyebrow at him. Kylo grunted.

“She doesn’t normally look like that. I was just caught off guard.” He grabbed empty glasses off the bar top and moved to the sink. Luke, annoyingly, followed as he set the beer down in front of a customer and snagged the cash they left on the bar. 

“Doesn’t normally look like a knock-out?” Luke turned to look at her again. “Somehow, I doubt that.” He gave Kylo a knowing smirk and then moved to the cash drawer to deposit the money in his hand. Kylo snorted and moved to help more customers. As he filled orders, he made it a point of not looking back in her direction. He had already given Luke enough cannon fodder.

 

**** 

 

Rey decided it was time for something stronger than beer, as she sat dreading the moment her name would be called to go sing. Grabbing her clutch, she scooted out of the booth and smoothed her skirt. She moved confidently toward the bar, eyes involuntarily scanning for Kylo. There was a new face behind the bar, an older man with shaggy grey-blond hair and a neat, mostly grey full beard. He had kind grey-blue eyes and smiled at her warmly as she approached. “Well hello there, young lady. What can I get you?” His voice was warm, and it made her smile.

“May I have a double honey whiskey and soda and a water, please?” He nodded and took the ID she had plucked from her clutch. His eyebrows rose slightly before he smiled and handed it back to her. 

“It’s your twenty-first birthday, huh? Well happy birthday. This one will be on the house,” he said with a wink. “Just don’t tell the boss.” He jerked a thumb in Kylo’s direction as he moved to make her drinks. Just then, Kylo moved down the bar toward them, his eyes locked on the older man. 

He glanced at her briefly before returning his gaze to the man and said, “I’m going to need the ice on the other side refilled.” The older man nodded as he continued with her drinks.

“As soon as I get the birthday girl’s drinks, I’ll get right on that, boss.” Kylo’s eyes snapped to her then and she her skin prickled, as it usually did under his scrutiny. She smiled at him, but his face remained stoic. “Here ya go, darlin’.” The older man slid the water and cocktail in front of her before stepping around Kylo to get ice from the back.

“Happy birthday,” Kylo said in a gruff tone as she grabbed her drinks. He wouldn’t meet her eyes and she paused and tilted her head, studying him. 

“Thanks,” she said softly. Rey hesitated, unsure of whether or not she should attempt conversation or walk away. The choice was made for her as Kylo turned away to help another customer, and Rey felt a sudden rush of disappointment as she turned to return to her friends.

After she had been seated for a while, she was nearly done with her cocktail when she heard the person butchering Bon Jovi at the microphone finish their song. The next name was being called, and panic gripped her as she realized it was her name. Her friends heard it too and started urging her to get up. She threw back the last of her drink in one gulp and stood up, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her. Poe had refused to tell her what song he had signed her up for but reassured her it was one she knew. She made her way on shaky legs to the back of the room, nervously smoothing her hands down her skirt over and over. As she stepped up to the microphone, her head swam slightly, and she thought, This is it. I’m going to faint and whack my head on this bloody karaoke machine. I hope I bleed out. It would be karma for suggesting this ridiculous idea.   
She took a deep breath.

 

****

 

Kylo needed ice. If Luke wants to help, he can do the grunt work, Kylo thought maliciously. When he went around the bar to get Luke, he noticed his uncle was helping Rey. He rolled his eyes to the ceiling for the second time that night. Why are you fucking with me, he silently asked the powers above. He moved closer to them, glancing at Rey. It was a bad idea. Up close he noticed the make-up that just enhanced her already attractive features. She had a green shadow that made her hazel eyes even more pronounced, and the light was catching across the tops of her cheekbones, upper lip and collarbone, drawing his attention down. He resisted the urge to take the bait and his eyes snapped back to his uncle quickly. “I’m going to need the ice on the other side refilled.” Luke nodded acknowledgement.

“As soon as I get the birthday girl’s drinks, I’ll get right on that, boss.” Kylo turned his gaze back to her. “Here ya go, darlin’,” Luke said, sliding her drinks toward her before moving off to get the ice. She grabbed her drinks and stepped back to leave.

“Happy birthday,” Kylo said before she could move too far. She tilted her head and stared at him for a minute as he focused on her drinks, feeling inexplicably shy.

“Thanks,” she replied. They stood for another awkward moment before Kylo stepped away to help customers. He couldn’t stand there staring at her all night, no matter how much some small part of him wanted to. Some time later, Kylo wasn’t sure how long because he had gotten busy, he heard Rey’s name called up for Karaoke. When he caught sight of her moving through the crowd to the back of the room, she looked nervous. There was a very becoming flush to her face he assumed was probably the alcohol, and she kept wiping her hands on her dress. She stepped behind the mic stand, gripping it like a lifeline, and took a deep breath. Her friends were hooting and hollering from their booth, cheering her on. The music started, and it was a song Kylo didn’t recognize, but judging by Rey’s face, she did. 

 

****

 

The music started, and Rey recognized it right away. It was a song she had added to her regular rotation of music when she first heard it and she had played it to death at work. It had gotten to the point where the guys would groan every time she put it on. Not because they didn’t like the song, but because she had played it so much. It had been months since she had played it at work, and apparently Poe was ready to make a joke of it. From the other end of the room she heard Finn’s robust laughter and it made her smile slightly. At least it was a song she loved. 

“Baby, don’t make me spell it out for ya,  
All of the feelings that I've got for ya,  
Can't be explained, but I can try for ya,  
Yeah, baby, don't make me spell it out for ya…”

Rey did her best to not let her voice crack or warble, and she was proud to say she was so far doing a damn good job of that. She let the beat of the music move through her, allowing herself to sway to it. Poe be damned, I’m going to kill this, she thought as she began to relax and get into it.

“It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender,  
An emotional, sexual bender”

She gripped the mic stand like it was a lover and leaned into it before she pulled the mic off with her other hand. 

“That's just the way you make me feel  
That's just the way you make me feel  
So real, so good, so fuckin' real”

She shimmied around the stage, letting the song guide her movements. It was exhilarating, and the crowd was sending so much positive energy at her with their woops and whistles and singing along that she soon found she loved karaoke. She finished out the song and not once did she stop smiling even as she placed the mic back on the stand. There was applause and she did a little curtsy before beelining for her table.

Out of the corner of her eye, a flash of red hair caught her attention. Armie stood up from the bar and approached her. Flying high on adrenaline and alcohol, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down, smashing her lips to his. He responded immediately, placing his large hands on her waist and trailing the tip of his tongue along her lips. She acquiesced and opened for him, allowing his tongue it’s exploration of her mouth briefly before remembering where they were. She went to pull away and his hands tightened on her waist, but he allowed it. “Hi,” she said shyly as she diligently ignored the whistles from her friends. His piercing blue eyes scanned her from head to toe, taking in every detail before coming back up to her face, which she was sure was bright red now.

“Hi there, sexy.” She smiled. “That was quite a performance you put on up there, maybe I can get a private rendition later,” he said with a wolfish grin. She swatted his arm playfully. 

Not bloody likely, she thought to herself, internally scoffing at the mental image of that scenario. “Can you grab me a water,” she asked him sweetly, effectively dodging the topic. He nodded and stepped up to the bar, ordering a water and a drink for himself. She took a seat with her friends and all at once they began their praises of her performance.  
As the night progressed, everyone at the table went up to sing at least once with the exception of Armie, and Rey even went up to sing again. Rey spent the time between her friends performing to talk to Armie. “How was work?” He was already on his third drink -which she knew was a straight double- by the time she asked this, and it took him a second to answer her. 

He ran his hand roughly through his hair causing it stick out in places and groaned before finally saying, “My boss ripped into me today. He’s not happy with my recent job performance and he made it pretty clear he would have my ass if I didn’t do better and soon.” Rey reached over and ran a hand up and down his arm soothingly as he said this. She couldn’t get many details out of him, he was so tight-lipped about his job. As time passed, he had a considerable amount of alcohol and Rey was increasingly worried about how much he was drinking, so she went up to the bar to get him a water. As she stood waiting to be helped, Hux came up behind her and leaned in close to her ear. He reeked of alcohol and she turned her head slightly away. “Come on love, have some drinks with me.”

“I think you’ve had enough for the both of us,” she said as Kylo approached. “Can I get a water for him, please?”

“Yeah, Ren. Fetch now,” Hux spat over her shoulder. She turned herself around to look at him.

“What in the hell…” She placed a hand on his chest and pushed him gently toward their booth. “Armie, go sit down, I’ll bring your water to you.” He remained for a moment, glaring at Kylo over her head and Rey could feel the tension rolling off of both men in waves that made her stomach clench. “Armie,” she said forcefully. His eyes snapped to hers but the tension in his face and body remained. “Go on, I’ll bring it to you. Please,” she said, giving him big soulful eyes. He did a sharp nod and turned to go back to their table. Rey turned back to Kylo. “I’m really sorry. He is so drunk,” Rey said sheepishly. Kylo’s face softened as he looked at her and he finally moved to get the water.

As he handed it to her he asked, “Do you want me to close out his tab?” She nodded emphatically. She was going to try to talk Armie into sobering up enough that she could get him home. She was strong, but not strong enough to drag a six-foot-one unconscious man. She took the water back to the table and encouraged him to drink. He managed to get the whole glass down in less than five minutes, at which point he announced to the table he had to “take a piss.” Rey groaned and got up to let him out of the booth. As he walked off, she remained standing and apologized to her friends. 

“Guys, I’m sorry he’s getting sloppy drunk. He had a shit day at work.”

“Are you going to be ok to get him home,” Finn asked. He was clearly worried.

“Well, if I can sober him up a bit, I won’t have to carry him. That would help. But I can drive him home in his car.”

“Do you want either of us to follow you, so we can take you home? It’s too cold for you to walk and I don’t know if I’m comfortable leaving you alone with him like that,” Poe said, casting a worried glance over Rey’s shoulder. Right at that moment, as if to prove Poe’s point, Hux came up behind her and grabbed her by the hips. He ground his pelvis into her ass and latched onto her neck with his mouth. Rey stiffened in absolute horror. 

He is not doing this, Rey thought frantically as she watched her friends squirm uncomfortably. Poe shot up out of the booth then and pushed Hux off of her. 

“Come on, man. What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” Poe spat, moving himself between Rey and Armie. 

“She’s my girlfriend, I can do whatever I want,” Hux said with a look of indignation on his face.

“The fuck did you just say,” Finn yelled as he jumped up and stepped forward. The whole bar turned to look at them then, and Rey saw Kylo step around the bar, slowly inching closer. He looked predatory. His eyes were dark, and his body almost seemed to vibrate with restrained power. In that moment, she was almost certain Kylo would use brutal force if Hux gave him reason to. A chill ran up her spine at the rising danger and she let out a yelp, pushing herself into the fray. She was standing in front of Hux with her back to him and her arms out.

“That’s enough,” she said calmly to her friends, throwing a glance at Kylo to let him know she meant him too. She turned to Armie. “We’re leaving. I’m driving you home.” He had the audacity to leer at her, and her skin crawled. “Finn, can you hand me our stuff?” Her friend did as she asked, and she turned to Kylo. “Can I have his card, please.” He hesitated a second before leaning over the bar and snatching the card off the register.

As he stepped closer to hand it to her, his eyes darted to Hux who was struggling to put his coat on. “Do you need help,” he asked quietly. She was touched by the look of genuine concern on his face.

“Poe offered to help, thank you though. I’m sorry we caused trouble,” she responded, taking the card and tucking it into her coat. He shook his head, one hand coming up to gently grip her arm in reassurance.

“You guys didn’t, he did,” he said motioning toward Hux with a nod of his head. She nodded and put her jacket on, tucking her clutch under one arm as she gave Kylo a small, apologetic smile. She turned and stepped up to Poe.

“Can you follow us?”

“Yeah, let me close out our tab,” he replied, eyeing Hux. “You gonna be ok to get him in the car?”

“Yeah.” She turned to her friends. “I had so much fun guys, thank you.” Her friends all said their goodbyes, Finn hugging her since he was still standing. She released him, giving him a reassuring squeeze of the hand before going over to Hux who was leaning heavily on the door frame. “Come on, let’s go.” She held the door open for him and guided him out. He stumbled just over the threshold and she put herself under one of his arms to help him stay upright. “It’s a good thing you’re a damn twig, or this would be a might bit harder in these bloody heels,” she grumbled, practically dragging him to his car. Thank the gods he got a spot so close, she thought as she fished his keys out of his coat pocket and unlocked the car. Rey decided it would be easier to just let him fall into the back seat since being upright was apparently not in his plans anymore, so she opened the back-passenger door and attempted to maneuver his long body into the back seat. Somehow, he managed to spin them around, causing her to fall in first, his weight crushing her into the back seat as he tumbled in after her. “Hey, do you mind,” she grunted from beneath him.

He moaned. “Oh yeah, wiggle like that again,” he said huskily just above her head. The smell of alcohol wafted down, and she suppressed the urge to gag.

“Dammit Armie, this isn’t funny. Get off.”

“Oh, I plan on it.” She stopped moving then, suddenly realizing it might encourage him if she continued.

“Armie, please let me get up so I can take you home.” He let out a sinister chuckle then and her scalp tightened. She suddenly felt him shifting around, but not to get up. A cold hand was pushing the hem of her skirt up and then she heard a zipper. “What are you doing?!” All calm restraint was gone, and she was moving again, violently. Flailing her legs as best she could, attempting to roll him off of her in the limited space. She felt his hand again, poking around looking for the edge of her panties. “NO! STOP ARMIE!”

Suddenly he was yanked out of the still open car door and she scrambled backward across the back seat, pressing herself against the far door. “YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT,” she heard a man’s voice bellow before she heard the thuds of fists meeting flesh. Realizing what was happening, she crept forward until she was at the open door. Kylo was standing over Hux’s unconscious form on the asphalt, breathing heavily. His knuckles were covered in blood, and she was glad she couldn’t see Hux’s face, sure that the sight would make her sick. Kylo lifted his dark head to look at her and that’s when the dam broke. Big, wet tears began to slide down her cheeks and she put a hand over her mouth to muffle the sobs wracking her body. Just then, Poe came flying out the front door. 

“What the hell happened?!” He ran over to Rey and knelt down in front of her as her friends and other bar patrons spilled out into the parking lot. Finn turned immediately, ushering them back into the bar.

“Have some respect people!” Once he cleared the parking lot, Rey spoke.

“It all happened so fast. I was trying to get him into the backseat and then he was on top of me and I was pinned. I tried to wiggle free, but I couldn’t and then….” Here, her voice failed her. She had to stop and take a breath. “He pushed my skirt up…. He almost….” That was enough. The murderous looks on both Poe and Finn’s faces told her they understood, and Rey felt her stomach lurch as the word “rape” flitted through her mind. Kylo spoke then, the deep rumble of his voice drawing her attention.

“I came out to make sure she didn’t need help, and I heard her yelling ‘no’ and ‘stop.’ I yanked him out of the car and saw his fly down, and I snapped.” He gestured to Hux’s still unconscious form.

“Rey, I’m so sorry,” Poe said, turning back to her. “I should have come out here with you.” She shook her head. 

“Please don’t blame yourself,” she said. She was suddenly exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in bed. 

“I just called the cops,” Finn said as he tucked his phone into his jacket. Rey nodded and sat waiting for the police as Poe moved over to Hux and knelt down, looking at him with pure hatred.

“You deserve worse,” he hissed at Hux’s unconscious form as he stood up and gave him a swift kick to the stomach. Rey flinched and glanced at Finn. His jaw was tense, and his eyes were focused on the asphalt. Kylo stepped back into the bar for a few minutes, and when he came back out, he approached Rey, handing her a glass of water and folding his large frame to kneel down in front of her. 

“Rey, I asked Luke to close the bar early. I’m going to stay with you until the cops leave.” His face was illuminated by the lights on the outside of the bar, and it looked even paler than normal. His scar was so pronounced against his pallor. Rey noticed these things in a detached way, not feeling connected to the moment or her surroundings.

“Thank you,” she said in a near whisper just as a police car pulled up.

 

****

 

Kylo silently watched Rey escort Hux through the front door. He hesitated by the bar for a moment, not quite sure what to do next, torn between following her despite her insistence that she didn’t need his help and going back to work. He watched Poe close out his tab with Luke before heading for the bathroom and scowled at the man’s back. He should go out there and help her move that asshole, Kylo thought with a grunt. He stepped back behind the bar and picked up a towel, before changing his mind and throwing it down again. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that he learned, not very long ago, he shouldn’t ignore. Moving swiftly to the front door and pushing through it, he stepped out into the parking lot.

A somewhat muffled voice came from his right. “NO! STOP ARMIE!” Without conscious thought, he zeroed in on the voice as adrenaline began to pound through his body and he found a black Lexus with the back-passenger door open and two sets of legs sticking out, one of which was kicking frantically. Kylo moved forward, grabbing Hux by the waistband of his pants and yanking him out ass-first. Hux stumbled backwards a bit, somehow managing to keep his feet under him, and Kylo’s eyes immediately focused in on the unzipped fly of his pants. His stomach dropped as realization struck.

“YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!” Kylo felt the ever-present anger in his chest flare into full-blown rage and he launched himself at Hux, throwing his entire body into his swings. His fists connected with the weasel’s face, one behind the other over and over again with satisfying thuds and crunches until he realized Hux was unconscious on the ground before him. In his blind rage, he had beaten Hux to a pulp. He looked down at his knuckles to see they were split open and bleeding. His breath was labored, and his head was pounding, but in spite of the physical repercussions, the beast in his chest purred in satisfaction at the violence. He looked over at the car to see Rey watching him from the still open door and his heart skipped a beat as she crumpled, tears coursing down her face. Her small hand flew up to her mouth and her body doubled over in muffled sobs. He was a split-second away from going to her, a sudden need to wrap her up in his arms and comfort her seizing him, when the front door flew open and people began to pour out onto the sidewalk in front of the bar. 

Poe’s face was full of alarm as he broke off from the front of the pack and ran to Rey. He was talking to her in low tones, and the blood pounding in Kylo’s ears made it hard to pick out the words. He was vaguely aware of Finn ushering people back into the bar. The rage pumping through his body was subsiding, the black edges to his vision were fading away and the rush of blood in his ears was waning. He glanced down at Hux’s curled up form on the ground before him. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him, the beast whispered in Kylo’s mind. Suddenly, Rey’s soft, weepy voice cut into his thoughts and drew his gaze back to her. 

“He pushed my skirt up… He almost…” She stopped then as both Poe and Finn tensed up. The air in the parking lot felt heavy with anger.

Kylo broke the silence. “I came out to make sure she didn’t need help, and I heard her yelling ‘no’ and ‘stop.’ I yanked him out of the car and saw his fly down. I snapped,” Kylo said, gesturing to Hux. It was pretty obvious what had followed. Rey and Poe were speaking again, but Kylo tuned it out as he got lost in his thoughts. He hadn’t felt that rage in a long time and its resurgence shook him to his core.

“I just called the cops,” Finn said from by the door. Kylo noticed Poe over by Hux a moment before Poe cocked back his leg and planted a heavy kick to the man’s middle. Kylo didn’t even blink. It was deserved. 

The bar needs to close, Kylo thought numbly, moving back into the building as he pushed through the throng of people gathered near the front door. “Luke, I think we should close down. The cops are on their way here and I’m going to stay with Rey.” Luke’s face was full of concern, but he only nodded. After announcing the early closing of the bar and inviting people to return the following day, he started closing out tabs. “You got this,” Kylo muttered to Luke as he stepped up beside him to fill a glass with water. His uncle nodded again and glanced at him, his faded blue eyes sweeping over Kylo’s features.

“I’ve got it. Go take care of the girl.” Kylo gave a short nod and moved back to the front door, exiting out into the parking lot. He approached Rey carefully, afraid to scare her. Poe had moved to talk to Finn, so Kylo knelt down in the spot Poe had vacated in front of Rey, gently handing her the glass of water. She took it, her small fingers gripping the glass hard as she turned her blood-shot eyes to him. They were red-rimmed, make-up smudged slightly; her normally vibrant features were drawn and pale, and she had clearly been chewing on her bottom lip as there was a small raw-looking patch in the middle.

“Rey, I asked Luke to close the bar early. I’m going to stay with you until the cops leave.” Her eyes studied his face for a minute before she nodded, causing locks of her hair to drop down in front of her face.

Her voice was timid as she said, “Thank you.”

The cops had shown up soon after, followed shortly by an ambulance. Kylo stayed by Rey’s side the entire time. Once they wrapped everything up, her friends departed with Kylo’s assurance that he would take her home. Poe had almost argued with him before his girlfriend stepped in, casting a long look at Kylo as she insisted Poe trust him. Kylo walked Rey back inside slowly and sat her down at the bar. “Rey,” he said leaning down to make eye contact with her. Her eyes were on him, but completely unfocussed. “I’m going to grab my coat and we can leave.” She nodded but didn’t say anything. Kylo straightened up, hesitating before moving to the back of the bar where the office was. Luke was sitting at the desk stuffing the deposit in a bag. He glanced at Kylo as he moved through the room, grabbing his coat off the wall hook. “I’m taking Rey home will you be ok to lock up?” Luke nodded. Kylo sighed before gripping his uncle’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. “I’ll call you tomorrow. And Luke… Thank you.”

“No problem, kid,” his uncle responded gently. 

Kylo went back out to the bar to gather Rey, walking her back outside and turning to lock the front door behind him. Once he got her secured into the passenger seat of his truck, he climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. Kylo reached over and adjusted the heat dials and vents, worried about how pale she looked. “Rey,” Kylo said gently.

“Yeah?” Her voice sounded far away. She was staring at the dashboard, the lights illuminating her face in a ghostly display.

“Where do you live? I need to take you home,” he asked.

“Umm…. Jakku Drive. Apartment.” 

“Ok,” he said as he reached over with the intention of giving her a reassuring pat on the arm. She flinched slightly, and his hand stopped. He withdrew it, realizing the impulse to touch her was absurdly inappropriate. Kylo felt a rush of embarrassed heat creep into his face as he began to back the truck out of the parking space. Rey’s apartment was in a smaller building, with maybe only sixteen units in the entire structure. Kylo parked his truck between the two stairwell doors and looked over at Rey. She made no move to get out of the truck, sitting perfectly still, and he took the time to study her. Her breathing was deep and slow, deliberate as if she was reminding herself she needed oxygen. Finally, she took a sharp intake of breath, coming out of whatever reverie she had been in. 

Turning her head to him, she smiled slightly. It was a forced smile, unsettling to see, but he couldn’t blame her. “Thank you for bringing me home.” Her voice came out small, but noticeably hoarse. She moved to exit the vehicle then, and Kylo cleared his throat. She paused, looking over her shoulder at him. 

“Can I give you my number, in case you need anything? I’m worried about leaving you alone, but I don’t want you to feel crowded….” His voice trailed off. She just stared at him for a long minute and it made him squirm uncomfortably. He was about to tell her to forget it, when she took another deep breath.

“That would be nice, thank you. I would invite you in, but I think I want to be alone.” 

“Of course, just promise me you’ll get in touch with me if you need anything. Anything at all.” Kylo wasn’t normally like this, with anyone. But he had been alone in his darkest hours, and he knew what it could do to a person’s head to suffer alone. If he could spare her that torture, he would.

She nodded slightly, pulling her phone out of her purse and unlocking it. She handed the device to him and he took it, careful not to brush against her fingers. Her background was a picture of her with Poe and Finn. In it, she was smiling so brightly, it was almost blinding and something in his chest tightened in grief. He quickly input his number and saved it, handing the phone back to her. “Goodnight, Kylo.” Before he knew it, she had climbed down and shut the door, moving slowly past the front of the truck and disappearing from view. 

 

****

 

Ringing. Incessant ringing. Rey rolled over without opening her eyes and felt around for her phone. Her fingers made contact with the device under a pillow and she lifted the infernal thing to her ear. “Yes,” she croaked out. 

“Rey! You got home safe.” It was Finn. She groaned and pulled the phone from her ear to glance at the screen. There were several text notifications.

Placing the phone back to her ear she cleared her throat. “Yes. I’m sorry Finn. I’m just really tired. Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course. I was just worried. Get some sleep.” She hung up without saying goodbye, feeling slightly guilty, and laid there staring into the darkness of her room. The clock on her nightstand said it was about one in the morning. She had only been home for about an hour. Her mind drifted to Kylo, and his offer to help her. Grabbing her phone up again, she unlocked it and opened her contacts, her finger hovering over his contact bubble for a minute before she locked her phone and reached over to place it on her nightstand. 

As she laid there staring at the shadows moving across her ceiling, the events of the night came rushing back to her. Hux’s hot, alcohol breath wafting across her face, his cold fingers on her inner thigh. She shivered, feeling cold and disgusted. Determined to chase away the memories, she climbed off her bed and stumbled into her bathroom, where she stripped everything off into a pile on the floor. She ran the water as hot as she could stand it and stepped under the spray, grabbing her bar soap and scrubbing at herself vigorously, desperate to feel clean again.

It was many hours later when she woke up again. She laid under her covers for a while with her eyes closed, just enjoying the warmth and quiet. It was Saturday, meaning she had nothing to do for two whole days, and she planned on hiding out in the comfort of her apartment until she had to go to work Monday. She let her eyes open slowly, taking in the sliver of sunlight that had crept past the edge of her blackout curtain. There were dust motes swirling lazily in the sunbeam and she watched them for a while until her stomach growled in protest of its starvation. Slowly, she made her way to her kitchen and opened the fridge. Rey groaned as she realized she’d forgotten to go grocery shopping for the week and began searching through her pantry, finally settling on breakfast tea and Pop-Tarts. Once she got her tea prepared and her Pop-Tarts toasted, she sat at her small kitchen table and ate in small bites and sips. 

She was absently watching leaves fall outside her living room window when a knock came at the door. Despite it having been a gentle knock, she just about jumped out of her skin, sloshing droplets of tea onto her table. She stood and walked over to the door, looking through the peephole. She saw a mess of dark waves peaking out from beneath the edges of a black beanie before the head tilted upward and she realized it was Kylo. Her hand moved to her hair, realizing she had fallen asleep with wet hair and probably looked insane. “Just a second,” she called over her shoulder as she moved swiftly into the bathroom, yanking a brush through her hair and throwing it up into a ponytail. Being awfully vain, a voice in her head offered unbidden. Rey scoffed as she went back to the door and unlocked it. She opened it a couple inches and peeked through. Kylo looked down on her, his head tilted to one side. She noticed in passing that his cheeks and nose were pink, probably from the cold, and she shivered involuntarily.

“Hey,” he said carefully.

“Hi.”

“Can I come in?” Rey hesitated. She hadn’t planned on being around anyone until Monday, but the look on his face gave her pause. There was worry deeply etched into his features that she hadn’t noticed at first, but upon further inspection she noted the dark circles under his deep brown eyes and the way his jaw worked causing his lips to purse ever so slightly. She stepped back and opened the door further, inviting him in. His large form moved through her door and into her living room. After closing the door behind him, she stepped back over to her kitchen table to pick up her tea, grateful for the working heat in her apartment.

She stood watching him as he took off his coat and held it in his hands. He was nervously shifting back and forth on his feet, and Rey felt an overwhelming sense of endearment toward him in that moment. “Kylo, would you like to sit?” She motioned to a chair at the table. He sat down, throwing his coat over the back. Rey stepped toward the counter to grab the teapot and another mug, the milk and sugar. As she turned, Kylo shot out of his seat to help. His fingertips grazed hers as he took the milk and sugar. She thought physical contact would be an unpleasant reminder, but her skin tingled where they had touched, and warmth blossomed in her chest overriding an intense ache that had settled there the night before. They sat quietly for a while before she cleared her throat and said, “Kylo, not that I don’t enjoy your company…. But why are you here?” His eyes, which had been focused on his tea, snapped to hers. There was a lock of hair that had shifted and settled slightly over his left eye. He reached up and dragged the hat off, tousling his hair roughly with his other hand. Part of her suddenly wanted nothing more than to run her hands through his hair. It looked soft. He blew out a breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, Rey! But your hard times are not over, sweet child. Don't worry, you have Kylo. 
> 
> If anyone is interested in betaing for me, I am still looking.
> 
> As a side note, I just finished reading this amazing fic called This Way Lies Ruin by Lilia_ula. 
> 
> My spotify reylo playlist:  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/9h2jwaftne45v1zlw0ylnmp9e/playlist/21R6MJt2Fzt3dFWytIV0eV?si=UVKUVlOPQKqxrfFVEmxXEA


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Kylo and Rey as they bond and a certain red-headed weasel makes a brief appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry this took so long to go up. My body decided to turn on me this past week and it really killed my motivation to do anything besides sleep, but when the episode 9 trailer dropped (*SCREECHING*) I felt motivation return to me. Enjoy the fluff!

Kylo had not slept well after taking Rey home. He tossed and turned all night, consumed with a gnawing worry that he should have stayed. She shouldn’t be alone. He remembered the time just after his discharge from the military. He had been hurting, body and soul. His physical injuries had healed, slowly but fully. The wounds on his soul, those would probably never heal. They festered and drove him mad. He had spent the first few months hidden away from everybody, barely leaving his apartment and absolutely refusing to go home to see his family. He had contemplated suicide numerous times before finally deciding he deserved to live in that pain. It was his penance for the horrible things he had done.

He dragged himself out of bed around six and took a long shower. Once he was dressed, Kylo brewed himself some coffee and sat at his dining table for a long time staring at the wall. It’s too early to go over there now, he thought glancing at the time on his microwave. He continued to sit, nervously bouncing his leg. Eventually, sitting was no longer tolerable, so he got up and paced. Paced and paced. He checked his phone over and over. The time ticked by so slowly he thought he might lose his mind. He threw on his coat and snatched his beanie from the table by the door. His legs carried him swiftly out the door and down the front walk. Before he knew it, he was deep in the woods. The cold air felt heavy with moisture and Kylo tilted his head back to take a deep breath. He could just make out the grey sky overhead through the half-bare branches of the trees around him. He looked at his phone. That had killed about thirty minutes. Kylo continued down the path further, letting his mind wander as he was soothed by the nature around him. After a while, he turned around to head back to the house and by the time he arrived, two hours had passed since he’d left. The exercise helped with the restless energy and gave him time to think. Kylo had decided he was going to take care of Rey. Be her friend, if she would let him.

He climbed into his truck and floored it, making it to Rey’s in record time. Please be up, he thought desperately as he rushed into the stairwell. There were two apartments and he hadn’t seen which one she had gone into. He stood for a moment, debating, before stepping up to the door on his right and knocking gently. Kylo heard light movement just beyond the door and then an accented female voice called from somewhere further away from the door, “Just a second!” 

Got the right apartment, he thought with a sigh of relief. After a few moments, the door cracked open and she peaked out. Her eyes looked dull, the luminescent quality he normally saw there gone. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Can I come in?” She hesitated, and he almost withdrew the question, feeling like a pushy bastard. After she considered him for a moment, her forehead crinkling slightly between her brows, she stepped back allowing him to enter her home. It was a small space. Cozy and lived-in. All clean, light colors and plenty of blankets and pillows on the seating. There was a large window in the living room to his right with a loveseat of light grey linen beneath it and a matching couch at a ninety-degree angle to that facing the wall opposite him. Against that wall there was a grey barn-door style tv console and a small off-brand tv atop it. He took off his coat and clutched it in both hands, making a show of looking around the room. In reality he was looking at her in his peripheral vision. She had stepped over to the table in her dining area and was clutching a mug to her chest. Though not her usual vibrant self, she looked better than he had expected. She was wearing a purple plaid flannel pajama set and her hair was up in a ponytail. Maybe she’s stronger than you, maybe she can be alone and be alright, he shifted uncomfortably at the thought.

“Kylo,” she said gently, pulling him out of his self-chastising thoughts, “would you like to sit?” Something in him relaxed slightly. She was offering him hospitality, that had to be a good sign. He moved to the chair she had motioned to and hung his coat across the back before taking a seat. Small tables like this always made him feel like a giant, although he was really only six-foot-two. Rey stepped over to the counter and he noticed she was barefoot. Her toenails a soft pink color. She turned with an armful of stuff and he got up to help her, grabbing the containers of sugar and milk from her. He placed them on the table, resuming his seat as she placed the empty mug in front of him and filled it with tea. He could smell a soft floral scent coming from her as she stood filling his mug. A strand of hair had managed to avoid being pulled back and was delicately falling across her temple and cheek bone, drawing his attention to her long lashes and the gentle curve of her nose. He realized suddenly he was staring at the side of her head and redirected his eyes to his mug, feeling a small heat bloom in his chest. After she had been seated for a while, she cleared her throat. “Kylo, not that I don’t enjoy your company…. But why are you here?”

He looked at her, their eyes meeting. He pulled his beanie off his head then and ruffled his hair, blowing out a sharp breath. “I was worried,” he finally said. He wasn’t sure how to articulate to her the fears that had kept him up all night without giving her context from his life. Surprise crossed her face before it settled into a slight frown. 

“If you’re worried about this having an effect on the business at the bar…” she started, clearly choosing her words carefully. He cut her off with a sharp shake of his head.

“No. Screw the bar,” he said with a slight edge to his voice. Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. He leaned forward, his forearms firmly planted on the table and hands clasped together tightly. “I was worried about you. About what you might do to yourself.” His eyes searched hers, willing her to understand without him having to explain. Unfortunately, she was just confused. 

“We…” she faltered for a moment, then continued. “We barely know each other. Why would you be worried about me?” She drew her left foot up into her chair, bringing her knee to her chest. Wrapping her arms around her leg, she rested her chin on her knee and watched him intently. His breath caught as panic caused his heart to flutter in his chest as though it had sprouted wings. He desperately didn’t want this girl to know the sordid details of his past, knowing she would run for the hills. 

Be vague, a voice cautioned him. He shifted, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. Her eyes flicked briefly, following the movement of his arms, before settling on the milk container in front of him. He absorbed that moment, storing it away for later contemplation. “How much do you know about me?” She looked up then, confusion and surprise competing for dominance of her features. He shrugged. “In this small town, I assume someone has talked by now.” She shook her head slowly.

“No. All I know is that you just moved here, you own a ’65 Ford F100 and you now own The Cantina.” Her voice was small and unsure. He blew a small puff of air out of his nose and shook his head. 

“I just moved back. I grew up here.” Her eyebrows drew together, and she looked like she was about to say or ask something when he put his hand up to stop her. “That isn’t the part that’s relevant to why I’m here right now.” She closed her mouth and replaced her chin on her knee, clearly waiting for him to continue. “I was in the military for many years. After I was discharged,” here he paused and motioned to the scar on his face, “for medical reasons, I spent a lot of time dealing with… the trauma, of what I went through.” And did, his mind supplied unhelpfully. “I separated myself from any kind of support system and wallowed in it. It was a dark time. No one should deal with trauma alone. It’s unhealthy, dangerous.” As he said this, his voice became gruff and angry. He was angry at himself, for a lot of things.

 

****

 

Kylo sat before her, his inscrutable eyes watching her. She watched him back, absorbing what he had just told her. She slowly put her leg down and leaned forward, holding his eye contact. She took a deep breath and said, “Thank you. Thank you for coming to check on me and thank you for sharing that with me. I know it couldn’t have been comfortable for you to discuss.” He grunted softly but didn’t respond right away. She rubbed her fingertips into her forehead to ease the small amount of tension that had begun to gather there. She had questions, but firstly she had things to say. Rey felt she needed to explain herself to him. Though why that was, she wasn’t sure. “Do you know anything about me? Small town and all,” she asked with the ghost of a smirk on her face. He shook his head and she nodded knowingly. “I was brought here as a child and abandoned.” His face tensed then. She studied him for a moment, noting his curious reaction, before continuing. “I grew up in a nearby children’s home. And being the weird foreign girl, I didn’t bond with many people. Really just Finn, when I met him at school.”

“Finn, from the shop,” Kylo asked. She nodded. 

“The home was a lonely place, so I learned to… self-soothe, I guess is the term for it. Finn had his own problems and no one else cared when I was upset, or something happened to me.”

“What about whoever ran the home,” he asked incredulously. Rey laughed then, an entirely unamused sound.

“Unkar Plutt gave no shits about us. He did it for the money and the free child labor.” Kylo sat bolt upright then, causing Rey to sit back in her seat. His face was hard and a muscle in his jaw jumped as he ground his teeth. “Kylo,” she said soothingly, reaching for one of his big hands splayed out on the table in front of him, “that was a long time ago.” His fingers curled beneath her palm, but she kept her hand there, rubbing a small circle on the back of his hand with her thumb. “If it makes you feel any better, the home got shut down shortly after I graduated high school. Something about funding,” she said shrugging. He relaxed ever so slightly, and she sat back in her seat, bringing her leg up under her. Rey reached for her tea, now only tepid, and sipped at it. 

They sat in silence for a quite a while. Eventually, Kylo spoke. “So, what you’re saying is, I rushed over here worried when I didn’t need to be.” She shrugged apologetically.

“It’s nice that you were worried though.” She smiled at him softly. Rey wasn’t entirely sure why but knowing that made her feel warm. This man she barely knew had felt protective of her. Enough to beat Hux, to bring her home, to check on her the next morning. He even seemed bothered by her story, as if young Rey was his responsibility. It was endearing.

“Pop-Tarts, huh?” He was eyeballing her small plate of unfinished pastry in front of her. She smiled.

“Yes. It was all I had.” He quirked an eyebrow and smiled back at her.

“We can fix that.”

 

****

 

Rey was soon dressed and bundled up, following Kylo out the front door of her apartment. She climbed into the passenger side of his truck and buckled in as he cranked the engine and got the heat running full blast. They had agreed to go have a proper breakfast and get her some groceries. “How do you normally get groceries without a car,” Kylo asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

“Well I had a car until about a year ago, but I sold it to help with school. Normally my friends have no problem taking me to pick up stuff if I need a bit more than I can carry back,” she replied. Kylo nodded as they pulled into the parking lot of a local restaurant called The Village Diner. Kylo held the door open for her and as she moved past him, he placed his hand on her lower back briefly before snatching it back and shoving it in his pocket. He gave her an apologetic look. She smiled gently, to let him know she wasn’t mad. The spot he had touched tingled and Rey became hyper-focused on it for a moment, missing the momentary weight and warmth of his large hand.

“I was wondering when you would show up,” a voice said from behind her, tearing her from her thoughts. Rey spun around to find a small woman standing near the counter. The woman couldn’t be more than five-foot-tall, and her skin was tanned and wrinkled. She had black hair and wore very thick glasses. The woman was staring past Rey at Kylo. 

“Hey Maz,” Kylo responded. He looked like a chastised child, something she never imagined seeing on an imposing man like him. Maz gave him a pointed look before ushering them to a booth.

“Chewie told me you came back into town weeks ago,” Maz said as she handed them menus. Rey glanced at Kylo. There was a light blush on the high points of his cheeks and Rey smiled, finding his reactions to this woman endearing. 

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been unpacking and working at the bar.” The woman snorted, a skeptical look on her face before turning her attention to Rey, her features smoothing out into something gentler. 

“I’m Maz, I own the joint,” she said, offering Rey her small hand. Despite her size, she had quite a grip.

“I’m Rey.”

“You work for Chewie don’t ya?”

“Yes ma’am, I do.” Maz nodded, giving Rey an appraising look. Rey felt as though this woman was seeing into the very fiber of her being, uncovering every stain of her past.

“What would you kids like to drink,” she asked, pulling her intense gaze from Rey.

“May I have an orange juice please,” Rey said, clearing her throat.

“I’ll have the same,” Kylo said. Maz nodded and walked off. 

Rey eyed Kylo and said, “A friend of yours?”

“Um… well Maz is a family friend. I’ve known her since I was a kid.”

“Ah. And Chewie….” Rey said, letting the unasked question linger in the air between them. She sensed that he and Chewie had some kind of history that first day she’d met him at the garage but had never bothered to ask Chewie.

“Chewie was my dad’s best friend since they were basically kids,” Kylo replied, shifting slightly in his seat. Rey sat for a minute, realization dawning on her.

“I can’t believe it took me this long…” Rey started to say. Kylo looked at her expectantly. “You’re Han’s son?” He held her eye contact for a moment before looking down at his menu.

“Yes,” he replied tersely.

“I knew that truck looked familiar,” Rey said softly as she glanced out the window to her left to the grey truck in the parking lot. She looked back at him. He was intently studying the menu and at a glance looked relaxed, but Rey noticed that jaw movement that indicated he was bothered. She continued to study him for a moment, picking out the features she thought he must have gotten from his father. Rey had always liked Han on the occasions she had been around him at the garage and the bar. He was always very kind to her and she had been sad when he passed.

A waitress soon brought their drinks and took their orders, giving Kylo a coy smile as she lingered by the table. Her nametag read Bazine and Rey rolled her eyes as she watched the woman try desperately to get Kylo to engage in conversation with her. 

“So, tell me more about yourself,” Kylo said to Rey, pointedly ignoring Bazine. She walked away in a huff, making Rey chuckle as a small smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. He stripped off his coat, tossing it in the seat next to him and leaned back putting his hands behind his head. Rey was momentarily distracted by the bulge of his biceps through his shirt and the broad expanse of his chest. That was the second time that morning alone she had eyeballed his upper body and she had to drag her eyes back to his face. He was smirking wider now, and in that moment the resemblance between him and his father smacked her in the face.

“Um, well….” She started, flustered. “I already told you the group home bit, and Finn….” She trailed off, not sure what else to say and trying to collect herself.

“How long have you worked for Chewie?”

“About three years now. I started there right after I turned 18 and got booted from the home. Finn had already been working there for about a year and put in a good word for me.” She smiled at the memory of Chewie interviewing her. He had clearly been skeptical, but Finn had stood up for her. Finn had always been her biggest cheerleader. “While I was doing my senior year, Finn was taking night courses to be a mechanic. That’s how I learned about the night school programs. But it took me a while to save up enough money to enroll. I just finished recently actually and yesterday Chewie offered me a part-time mechanic position.” Her smile got bigger as she thought about how great her birthday had been, until it hadn’t been. Her smile faded rapidly as the memories crept back in, making her feel as if someone had doused her in ice water. Kylo must have realized what she was thinking of because he dropped his hands to the table and leaned forward.

“I’m sorry Rey.” She shook her head, swiping quickly at her eyes to brush away the tears that had gathered there. Her chest felt tight and she took a deep breath, trying to expand her lungs. Just then their food came with loud thuds as Bazine petulantly dropped their plates on the table in front of them. They were silent as they started eating and after a few minutes, Rey decided to break the awkward tension.

“So, um… you said earlier you grew up here? How did we not meet before?” Kylo glanced up from his food and reached for his drink, taking a sip to wash down the mouthful of food he had and clearing his throat.

“Well seeing as I was a freshman in high school when you came here, it’s really not all that surprising,” Kylo responded with a shrug. Rey’s jaw dropped.

“Wait, so you’re…. what, twenty-nine,” Rey asked in disbelief. She looked at him more closely, as though she could find anything to confirm his age. He nodded, mouth full of food again. “You knew you were nine years older than me. How? You didn’t see my ID at the bar last night, that other man did.”

“When the officers were talking to you, you gave them your birthdate,” he said after he had swallowed. 

“Oh, yeah….” Rey felt stupid. She barely remembered what she had said to them. 

“And by the way, that other man is my uncle Luke,” he said before taking another bite. Rey sat back in her seat, processing a lot of information. “Rey, you need to eat,” Kylo said motioning to her plate. She nodded and sat forward again, picking at her food as her mind wandered.

 

**** 

 

After breakfast, Kylo went to pay the bill, despite Rey’s objections that she could pay for her own food. “I don’t doubt that,” he had said gently, “but I asked you to breakfast. I’ll pay.” She relented with a sigh and walked over to stand by the door. He chuckled and handed the money across the counter to Bazine, intentionally avoiding direct eye contact with her as he did so. Maz wandered over just before he turned to leave and told him he better come see her again soon with a wag of her small finger at him. “Yes ma’am,” he said with a small smile and a wave before holding the door for Rey and walking to the truck with her. 

Breakfast had been nice, if not a bit quiet after his familial revelations. Rey, for her part, made an attempt at lighter conversation, asking him about running the bar and offering her help, if he needed it. He had thanked her for the offer and left the issue at that. Maybe he would take her up on it, as the thought of having her around made him feel something warm.

They pulled into the parking lot of the small supermarket soon after. “I will pay for my own groceries, thank you,” Rey said as they walked through the automatic doors. He smiled at her back as she moved over to the carts and pulled one out.

“Yes ma’am,” he said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. She smiled and stuck her tongue out at him. It was adorable and Kylo couldn’t stop smiling as they shopped. About an hour later, Kylo took Rey home and helped her carry her bags in, insisting she load all the bags on his long arms so they would only need to make one trip. “I hate making multiple trips for something that can be done in one,” he said with a grin as she laughed at how ridiculous he looked. By the time he had helped her unload everything, it was getting close to the time he needed to get to the bar and get some work done before opening, but before he could say so, Rey cleared her throat.

“So, have you thought about my offer to help out around the bar?” She was leaning against the counter facing him as he stood by the table fidgeting with his coat flung over the chair next to him. He studied her face for a moment before answering.

“Yeah…”

“….and?” She raised an eyebrow at him, and he frowned, unsure of how to address his concerns.

“Rey,” he started cautiously, “my concern is you going back to the bar, especially so soon…” At that, Rey’s face tensed slightly, and she stepped away from the counter to close the distance between them.

“If you think, for one minute, that that son of a bitch is going to throw a monkey wrench into my life, you’re wrong,” she said with a vehemence that surprised him. His eyebrows shot up his forehead and all fidgeting ceased. Her features softened slightly when she took in his reaction and she reached for one of his hands, taking it gently in her small ones. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just… This is my town and my life and Hux,” she spit his name like it tasted bad, “is not going to ruin that for me. I have more good memories of that bar than bad ones. Han used to let Finn and I hang out there all the time, as long as we swore not to try sneaking drinks,” Rey said with a small smile at the memory. 

Kylo scoffed inwardly. “What about your job at Chewie’s,” he asked after a moment, desperately trying not to sound hopeful. Rey’s hazel eyes studied his face and he realized suddenly she was still holding his hand.

 

***

 

“What about your job at Chewie’s,” Kylo asked her softly. She hesitated a moment before answering to study him. While she could tell he was holding his face carefully blank, he couldn’t hide the small flicker of hope in his eyes. Rey let a small smile tug at her lips.

“I’ll still work there. I was thinking I could help at the bar after work and weekends.”

“Oh… yeah of course…. Well it wouldn’t need to be every night. I have Luke too,” Kylo offered. Rey shrugged.

“Whatever you say, boss,” she said with a wink as she let go if his hand and took a step back. The loss of contact made something in her chest ache slightly, but then he smiled at her and the ache was replaced with warmth. Kylo grabbed his coat and motioned to the door.

“I should get going, got things to do before we open the bar.”

“Yeah, of course,” she said, following him to the door. As he opened it and stepped out into the stairwell, Rey cleared her throat. “Hey Kylo.” He turned to her as he slipped his coat on with an expectant look on his face. “Thanks again, for…. Well everything really.” She smiled at him and he smiled back, his normally harsh features becoming softer and almost boy-like. 

“It was no problem, but you’re welcome. Text me later?” She nodded and he gave a small wave before turning to leave. Rey closed the door and moved to her living room window, watching him climb into his truck and take off. She sighed heavily and wandered back to her bedroom, flopping herself down onto her bed. As she laid contemplating her day, she suddenly remembered something.

“Oh shit, Finn.” She scrambled off her bed and darted out to the living room where her coat was thrown over the back of the couch. Fishing her phone out of one of the pockets, she unlocked her screen and groaned loudly. She hadn’t looked at the thing in hours and it had been on silent all day. Her notification bar was full of text messages, Facebook messages, and missed phone calls. Ignoring everything, she pulled up Finn’s number and called him. He answered almost instantly.

“Rey!” She flinched.

“Finn, I am so sorry,” she started, hoping she sounded the appropriate amount of apologetic. She heard him huff on the other end.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day! I even went by your apartment, but you weren’t there.”

“I know I know. Again, really sorry.”

“You better be,” he said, and she could tell he was pouting. “I was worried to death about you.”

“Finn, I appreciate your worry, but I’m ok,” Rey said, smiling at her friend’s sullenness. He huffed again, and Rey chuckled as she sat down on her couch, folding her legs beneath her.

“So, what were you doing all day?” Rey hummed, debating on how to answer. In the end, she decided the truth was always the best policy and trusted Finn wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

“I was with Kylo.” There was silence. “Finn?” Rey pulled the phone from her face to make sure the call hadn’t dropped, as was wont to happen on the edges of town where her apartment was.

“I heard you,” he said after she put the phone back to her ear. “So, you were with Kylo all day. I’m not sure what to make of that Rey.” Finn never minced words with her, so she waited knowing there was more. “You were attacked last night, by your pseudo boyfriend who you really, let’s be honest, barely knew. And today you spent the day with yet another man, you barely know. Who, by the way, is way bigger than dipshit….” Finn trailed off, knowing Rey could fill in the blanks. Rey sighed.

“I know it sounds crazy Finn, but I trust him. And after today, I know more about him than I knew about dipshit,” she replied gently.

“You didn’t sleep with him, did you,” Finn asked cautiously. Rey let out a sudden barking laugh, sure she just blew out her friend’s eardrum.

“Oh my god, Finn! No!” He chuckled on his end.

“Ok, just making sure. So, what did you guys do?”

“He came over this morning and took me to breakfast, and then he took me to the store so I could get some groceries, that’s all.”

“Mhhmm, ok.” Rey scoffed at that.

“Ok well, thanks for checking on me. I’ll see you Monday,” she said, about to hang up on him.

“Rey! I’m kidding,” Finn said quickly with a chuckle. “I believe you. So, are you hanging out with him this weekend?”

“Well, no. I don’t think so. I enjoyed spending time with him today, but I think I kind of just want to hide out at home until I have to be at work Monday.”

“Ok. Are you sure you don’t want me and Rose to come over and hang out with you? We can do a movie and pizza night.” Rey smiled at that. 

“No, I’ll be ok. I appreciate the offer though. Will you let everyone know I’m ok? I don’t feel like fielding a million questions.”

“Of course, Rey. Call if you need anything, ok?”

“Ok. I’ll talk to you later, bye.” After Finn said his goodbyes, Rey cleared her notifications without looking at them and tossed her phone onto the couch beside her. She wanted to be alone, but pizza and movie night had sounded appealing. Glancing at the clock, she decided she wouldn’t order the pizza for a while as it was still kind of early, so she got up and wandered over to her t.v. console, sliding it open to peruse her DVDs. Deciding she was in a classics mood, she plucked out her Audrey Hepburn collection case and scanned the back, trying to decide what movie she wanted to start with. Finally, she settled on Roman Holiday first, and popped it into her DVD player. After turning on her t.v. and changing the input, Rey wandered into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. As she did, she wondered what Kylo was doing.

 

***

 

The Cantina was busy that night, and it was several hours before Kylo got a chance to breathe. “Luke, I’m going to take some trash out while the bar’s clear,” Kylo said to his uncle as he gathered up the bags and moved around the bar. Luke just nodded and kept washing glasses, so Kylo headed for the backdoor. Once he had deposited the bags in the dumpster, he fished his phone out of his back pocket to see that it was just after 11 and he had a couple text messages. Unlocking his phone, he opened the messages from a number he didn’t recognize only to realize immediately it was Rey.

Rey - Just wanted to say, I hope you’re having a good night.   
Rey - :)

The texts had come in a couple hours before, and Kylo hesitated to reply, unsure of whether or not she would still be awake. Finally deciding he wanted to risk it, he replied.

Kylo - Pretty busy tonight, but Luke and I have it covered. You doing ok?

While he waited for a reply, he saved her into his contacts before stuffing his phone into his back pocket. He headed into the building, dodging people left and right as he made his way to the bar. Luke looked at him curiously and Kylo realized he was grinning like an idiot. He schooled his face into a more neutral expression and grabbed a towel from the sanitizer bucket below the bar, intending to bus tables, when he heard his phone ding in his pocket. Throwing the towel down on the bar top, he quickly pulled the phone out of his pocket, his pulse quickening as he unlocked his phone and opened the text.

Rey - I’m doing great. Just cuddled up on the couch watching movies.

After that, she sent another text, this one a picture of her legs draped with a blanket and propped up on her coffee table. Beyond her feet, which were clad in socks with pink bunny heads on them, was her t.v. with Audrey Hepburn on it. He smiled down at his phone.

Kylo - Sabrina, a classic. Cute socks, btw.

Suddenly, there was throat clearing behind him. He locked his phone screen and turned to see Luke staring at him while he wiped down the counter. “Yes,” he asked snappishly as he picked up the towel and moved around the bar.

“Nothing,” Luke said innocently before giving him a knowing smirk and continuing to wipe things down. Kylo huffed as he approached a recently vacated booth and began to wipe it down, gathering the empty glasses and pitcher and depositing them on the bar in front of Luke. As he continued to clean up empty glasses from other tables, his phone dinged again.

Rey - Thanks 😋 you like Hepburn movies?

Kylo - Most of em.

Rey - We should watch together, sometime….maybe?

He smiled down at his phone again, his face beginning to ache from the unusual amount of smiling he was doing.

Kylo - Sure, just let me know when.

Rey - Will do I’ll let you get back to work night.

Kylo - GN

He locked his phone, putting it away again before resuming his task. Kylo realized he hadn’t felt this content in a long time. Maybe it was just having a friend, or maybe it was simply because that friend was Rey, he wasn’t sure, but it made him happy either way. That happiness was short-lived as suddenly the front door burst open and a blast of cold air ripped past the figure standing in the doorway. Kylo straightened and turned his body toward the door, ready to move quickly if needed. As the figure moved further into the building, letting the door shut behind him, Kylo realized who it was. “Hux,” he barked suddenly, charging at the man. The room went still, but Kylo paid it no mind as he grabbed Hux by the front of his coat and forced his back against the wall to one side of the front door.

“I…” Hux began. Kylo didn’t let him finish. He grabbed the weasel’s throat in one massive hand and applied pressure effectively cutting him off. Kylo felt Luke come up behind him then and he growled menacingly.

“Don’t try to stop me, Uncle.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Luke replied from behind him. Hux gurgled, beginning to panic as his struggled in Kylo’s grasp. “I was simply going to suggest maybe not doing this in front of a room full of witnesses?” Kylo huffed angrily and slowly withdrew his hand from Hux’s neck but kept him pinned to the wall. As he stood there debating what to do, he looked at Hux more carefully. The man’s face was mostly deep purple. One eye was almost swollen shut, and his nose had clearly been broken. There were sizable gashes under his eye and across his nose and Kylo had a hunch his ribs were smarting too. Purely out of vindictiveness, Kylo jabbed into his ribs, and sure enough Hux gasped in pain and tried to double over. Kylo smirked. 

That’s only the appetizer you fuck, he thought viciously as he began to drag Hux right back out the front door. 

“I’ll stay in here,” Luke called to him just before the door swung shut again. Kylo threw Hux against the front wall of the building and pinned him as he had inside.

“Ren….”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Kylo spat when the dirtbag tried to speak, yet again. “You’re going to listen to me, shit stain. I don’t want to see you in this bar ever again. And you will cease all contact with Rey in any way, shape or form, or so help me I will tear you limb… from…. limb.” Kylo’s breaths were coming out harsh and his body was vibrating with the need for violence. He desperately wanted to smash Hux’s head repeatedly into the wall until it looked like a smushed grape but letting that kind of violence in again would only lead him down a dark path he had fought so hard to get away from. He released Hux and stepped back, watching as the poor excuse for a human darted off into the dark. Kylo stood for a while, taking long deep breaths. He hadn’t expected to see Hux again so soon, but he should have known Snoke and his deep pockets would step in and bail Hux out. He wouldn’t be surprised if all record of the police report was gone. Taking one final breath, Kylo retreated back into the bar to finish his night, his mind again on Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos feed my weary soul.  
> Come find me on Tumblr: enochianlovenotesfordean or Twitter: @co_rabbit_89   
> Spotify Reylo playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/9h2jwaftne45v1zlw0ylnmp9e/playlist/21R6MJt2Fzt3dFWytIV0eV?si=MWNE9nVmQMOZs7KdmaIE2Q


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween has come and it brings out some creeps and beasts (i.e. Rey does not a have a fun night.)  
> Rey and Kylo (Ben?) bond some more.  
> & Rey has some nice alone time ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was feeling motivated again today, so here's another chapter my lovelies. The rating has been updated and additional tags have been added. Mind the tags, please.

A couple weeks later, it was the Friday before Halloween and Kylo was having lunch with his mother at Maz’s. They had settled into a comfortable routine of lunch several times a week, and Kylo found himself growing closer to his mother, seeing her as a person and not just the woman that had failed him. They were halfway through their meal, and Leia was asking him if he could stop by soon and clean out her gutters, when his phone dinged from his coat pocket. Kylo dug the phone out from the coat in the seat next to him as he said, “Yeah, mom. Sure. I’ll get over there as soon as possible and clear the gutters.” 

Rey - Hey, can I wear my Halloween costume tonight?

Kylo hummed to himself, considering Rey’s request. “Who’s that,” Leia asked casually as she picked up her coffee for a sip. Kylo glanced at his mother with a smirk on his face. “What? I’m your mother, it’s my right to be nosey,” she said casually, shrugging. He laughed.

“It’s my friend Rey,” Kylo said, typing back a response.

Kylo - Sure, I don’t see why not.

Her reply was immediate, as though she had been waiting for his yes.

Rey - YAY! 😈 Thanks, boss man.

Kylo chuckled to himself, laying his phone down on the table next to his plate. Rey had been helping out around the bar off and on for a couple weeks now, and he found she was a hard-worker with an upbeat attitude that the customers really enjoyed. She hadn’t mentioned anything about pay, but Kylo was going to surprise her tonight with a personal check, since it was thanks to her that the bar was doing so well lately. Kylo was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of his mother setting her coffee cup down on the table top. “So, when will I get to meet this Rey I’ve heard basically nothing about,” his mother asked with only mild snark. Kylo shook his head, giving his mother an exasperated look.

“I don’t know mother. I find it strange you’ve never met her considering she has lived here since she was five and has worked for Uncle Chewie for three years now,” Kylo said, rolling his eyes as he picked up his glass of juice. Leia scoffed.

“I haven’t been to Chewie’s garage in years, Han handled getting my car to and from the shop,” Leia said tersely. Kylo sighed, relenting to his mother’s oncoming guilt trip.

“How about, I come by Sunday to clean those gutters, and I’ll ask Rey if she would like to tag along,” Kylo offered as he pulled his wallet out to pay for their meal. Just then, Maz wandered over. 

“Did I heard you talking about Rey,” Maz asked, refilling Leia’s coffee as she did. Kylo nodded, sliding cash toward Maz. She picked it up, tucking it into her apron without even counting it. “Lovely girl. Very cute,” Maz said with a bright smile before moving on to the next table. Leia glared at him across the table.

“Maz has already met her and I haven’t,” she said, pouting slightly. Kylo rolled his eyes again, sure they were going to roll right out of his head before he got his mother back to her office.

“Mom, why are you acting like this. Rey is just my friend. It’s not like she’s my girlfriend.”

“Both things are exceedingly rare,” she said with a smirk, “I’m just curious what kind of person you spend time with willingly.” She gave him a bright smile as she took another sip of her coffee.

Several hours later, Kylo was behind the bar slinging drinks to grown-ups in costumes as the night crowd began to trickle in for the Halloween weekend festivities. I will honestly never understand the fascination with this stupid holiday, he thought bitterly as he eyed a guy nearby in a Darth Vader costume. His back was to the front of the bar when he heard, “Hey there.” Glancing over his shoulder as he mixed a cocktail, Kylo realized it was Rey.

“Hey, I’m finishing this drink. One sec.” He slid the drink across the bar and collected the cash, turning to the cash drawer and getting the customer’s change. As he turned back around to give them their change, he finally laid eyes on Rey fully and froze. She was wearing a devil costume. But not a classic devil, oh no. This was, of course, a sexy devil costume. It was bright red, no surprise there, but what was surprising was the plunging neckline and very short, layered handkerchief hem skirt. She had on a headband with little devil horns and sparkly black platform heels. Kylo’s jaw was practically on his chest as his eyes swept up and down her body. Rey shifted uncomfortably, and he realized he’d been gawking at her for far too long. Snapping his jaw shut, he slapped the change down on the bar top and stepped up to Rey. “Rey…” he started. His voice was low, and even to his own ears it sounded strained. 

She tugged at the neckline of her costume self-consciously. “Y-Yeah, boss?” Her hazel eyes were huge and as Kylo stood there, staring into them, he realized several things all at once. He was both enthralled by her outfit, and angry at it. There was a sudden, animalistic impulse to drag her to his office, effectively hiding her from all other eyes, and giving him the opportunity to enjoy it privately, but he squashed it with tremendous effort. 

Releasing a harsh breath through his nose and keeping his eyes locked on hers, he said, “When you said costume, I thought it would be something a little more….” here he floundered for a word that’s wouldn’t piss her off, “Um… well…. more,” he finally finished as he waved his hand to indicate all of her exposed flesh. Her eyes flashed with indignation and her brows furrowed. Thrusting her chin into the air and putting her hands on her hips, she took a deep breath.

“Excuse me, but there is nothing wrong with my costume.” Kylo made to argue with her but one of her small hands shot out and smacked over his mouth. If she hadn’t looked so angry, he probably would have laughed at her brazenness. Though her hand was warm and smelled like lavender, and he would gladly have left it there all night if they weren’t at work, his own hand came up to pull it away from his face. “No. Don’t,” she warned, waggling a finger in his face with her other hand. “I’m not done talking and I don’t trust you to let me finish without arguing.” Kylo smirked against her palm. She wasn’t wrong. “You said I could wear my costume tonight and gave me no guidelines or restrictions. And besides that, I’m helping you out,” here, she jabbed her little waggle finger into his chest. “I’m not your employee,” she finished, removing her hand from his mouth. 

Kylo almost flinched at the loss of her touch, but instead he allowed a smile to tug at the corner of his mouth. “Speaking of your lack of pay,” he said softly, just loud enough for her to hear. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans to pull out a folded-up check, slipping it into her palm. Rey took one look and tried to shove it back into his hand, shaking her head vehemently, her lovely face scrunched into a frown.

“No, Kylo I can’t take this.” He smiled at her, gathering her hands into his.

“Rey,” he said, studying her face for a second. He realized he had gotten into the habit of doing that quite a bit, just looking at her. There were flecks of glitter in her dark eye make-up that kept catching the light. His eyes drifted down to her lips, parted slightly and painted a deep red. He wanted to lean in the few inches separating them and kiss those lips, gently, slowly…. What are you doing?! a panicky voice in his head cried. He dropped her hands suddenly, stepping back. Confusion flittered across her features briefly and his heart stuttered. This girl has enough problems without you and your shit, the voice reprimanded him. “Um… just take the check, ok? The bar is starting to do really well, and I wanted you to know I appreciate your help with that,” he finished lamely, shoving his hands into his pockets. A small smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth then.

“You know they make thank you cards for that,” she said glancing at the check again, “and they’re a hell of a lot cheaper than this.” 

“Just take the money kid,” Luke said, stepping up next to Kylo. “Now if you two don’t mind, kind of getting hammered by myself,” he said, motioning to the large crowd of people gathered around the bar.

“Shit, sorry Luke,” Kylo said as he stepped forward and started taking drink orders, deliberately not looking at Rey again. You’re a walking trash fire, and this girl doesn’t need you polluting her life, the voice whispered. 

 

***

 

“Rey.” Kylo’s voice was low, and a small chill ran up her spine causing the hairs on her neck to prickle. Rey’s breaths became shallow and she watched his eyes flit down to her mouth. His large hands encased hers and she was hyperaware of one of his thumbs brushing lightly across the back of her hand. He jerked away suddenly, dropping her hands to step back and Rey felt a wave of hurt and confusion wash over her before she shoved it away to examine later. “Um… just take the check, ok? The bar is starting to do really well, and I wanted you to know I appreciate your help with that.”

You don’t have time to overthink whatever that was just now, do it later, Rey thought before opting for playfulness. She quirked up the corner of her mouth. “You know they make thank you cards for that, and they’re a hell of a lot cheaper than this,” she joked. Luke came over then to remind them they were working, and Rey got to work, determined to keep herself too busy to worry about Kylo. After a while, Rey realized he wasn’t looking at her, even when she approached the bar to fill drink orders. A tiny little ball of hurt formed in her chest and Rey realized her outfit must have really made him uncomfortable. Now you did it, dummy, he wanted to be your friend and you went and made things weird, she scolded herself as she set down two empty glasses and a pitcher of beer for some regulars.

“Why the frown, beautiful,” one of the regulars, she thought he was called Snap, asked. She immediately slapped on a forced smile.

“No frown, just thinking, thanks for asking though.”

He laughed, “Well don’t strain yourself, gorgeous.” Rey felt her smile grow brittle.

“I’m sorry, what,” she replied tightly.

“Don’t want a pretty girl like you hurting herself with that pesky thinking,” Snap replied, with a smug grin. Rey took a deep breath and decided to ask Luke to handle these guys. As she turned to go do just that, she felt a hand grab her butt cheek, and she whipped around, slapping the offending appendage away as hard as she could. The bastard was smiling at her, like he found the situation to be an amusing little game. White hot anger washed through her and without a second thought, Rey cocked back her fist and punched him square in the nose. Snap let out a bellow as his buddy leapt out of the booth and stepped toward Rey. The commotion brought the activity around them to a halt, and Rey took a step back, looking around. 

“Dammit, not again,” she muttered to herself. Movement caught her attention off to her left and she realized Kylo was headed straight for Snap. She turned to intercept him, using her body as a barrier, and Kylo stopped dead in his tracks, his chest less than an inch from hers. Rey titled her head to look up into his face, which was full of anger and her heart thrilled at the protectiveness for a moment. “I handled it,” she said sternly and in a low voice. His jaw clenched, and he glanced down at her, an unspoken question on his face. “Kylo, I said I handled it.” She placed her right hand on his chest and pushed him back, gently. He let her move him, if only slightly. Glancing over her shoulder at the blubbering mess that was Snap, she bit out, “Get out of here, before I move out of his way.” Snap’s eyes widened, and he and his buddy grabbed their coats, making a quick dash for the door and disappearing out into the night. Before the door could close, Poe, Finn, Jess, and Rose came in, all glancing back at Snap. 

“Woah, who fucked up Snap’s nose,” Poe asked before he turned back toward them.

“I’m thinking it was Rey,” Finn said, nodding at Rey’s hand that was still resting on Kylo’s chest. She glanced at it then and realized her knuckles were busted open and bleeding. As her brain processed this, a wave of pain emanating from her hand washed up her arm. Rey gasped, gritting her teeth as she gingerly pulled her hand to her chest and cradled it. 

“Oh shit, Rey,” Poe said stepping up to her and flailing his hands uselessly. The girls rushed over then, grabbing Rey and ushering her toward the bathroom. They were speaking but Rey wasn’t hearing anything they were saying as blood pounded in her ears and her legs felt like wet noodles. She stumbled slightly in the hallway, and felt large hands grab her waist to hold her up.

Am I in shock, Rey thought fleetingly. “Kylo,” she whimpered. She had this inexplicable urge to throw herself into his arms and let him take care of her, but Jess and Rose were asking him if he had a first aid kit he could get for them and he released her to retrieve it.

“Finn, can you grab a barstool,” Rose yelled down the hall to her boyfriend, who obediently showed up a moment later with one in hand. Rose and Jess got Rey situated on the stool next to a sink in the women’s room. As Jess patted at Rey’s knuckles with paper towels, the bathroom door creaked open and Kylo’s head came around the door tentatively. 

“Kylo,” Rey sighed out, giving him a watery smile. She watched him hand the kit to Jess, who immediately opened it and began digging. Kylo moved to kneel down in front of her, like he had the night of her birthday. His brown eyes swept across her face and he sighed.

“Rey, I’m sorry…” he said, gently reaching for her uninjured hand. She let him take it, her voice catching in her throat as tears began to slip down her face. She had tried to hold them back, but as the pain had overtaken her senses, the realization that she had been nearly attacked, again, had hit her with a force that made her breathless. “Oh Rey,” Kylo said, bringing her hand to his scarred cheek. Just then, Jess dabbed at her busted knuckles with rubbing alcohol and Rey bit down on her bottom lip, squeezing her eyes shut until the sting subsided. “Do you know what you’re doing,” Kylo asked with a small bite to his tone.

“Yes,” Jess replied evenly, leveling him with a quelling look. Kylo had the decency to look properly chastised as he continued to kneel before Rey, holding her hand to his cheek. She allowed her thumb to delicately trace down the line of his scar, starting just under his eye, causing his gaze to lock with hers.

“Your eyes…” Rey said softly. Kylo just stared, waiting for her to finish. “They’re lighter around the edges, and darker around the pupil,” she said in awe. He chuckled.

“Yes, they are,” he said with a smile that caused fluttering to begin in her stomach. A throat cleared to her right, effectively pulling her back to where they were and what was happening.

“Um, Rey?” Rey turned to look at her friends. Jess and Rose were looking back and forth between her and Kylo. Rose was grinning like an idiot, but Jess just rolled her eyes and said, “Can you wiggle your fingers for me?” Rey complied, wincing as the damage skin pulled uncomfortably. “Ok, good. Now do you have feeling in your hand and wrist?”

“Uh, yeah. It feels like it fucking hurts,” Rey said sarcastically. Kylo laughed then, a lovely, rich sound that bounced off the bathroom walls, and Rey grinned at him. 

“Har har,” Jess said as Rose snickered next to her. “Ok well, I’m going to wrap it and…”

“Let me,” Kylo interrupted, standing to take the gauze and Coban from Jess’ hands. Rey watched him work, placing squares across her knuckles before winding the bandaging around her hand. Despite the pain still radiating from her hand, and the shock of what happened lingering in the back of her mind, Rey relaxed somewhat watching him care for her. His fingers were large but nimble and Rey was mesmerized, allowing her mind to wander.

“Rey.” Jess was standing on her other side, digging through her bag when Rey turned to her. “Have you had anything alcoholic tonight?” Rey shook her head. “I want you to take this with a glass of water and some food and then go to bed. Tomorrow, Aleve, Advil, something like that, and maybe ice it,” Jess said, placing a round, blue pill in her hand. Rey nodded. 

“Rey, you should go home,” Kylo said as he packed the first aid kit back up. “Rose, would you guys be able to take her? I’ve already left Luke to fend for himself too much tonight.” Before anyone could answer, Rey jumped down off the stool.

“Um, I think I’d like to hang out for a while longer.” Everyone looked at each other, unsure of what to do, and when no one argued they all just shrugged and moved to leave the bathroom. Kylo grabbed her gently by the elbow and hung back a little bit.

“Rey, are you sure you’re feeling up to it? Your hand was pretty busted up,” he said gently, searching her face. She smiled up at him, brushing the knuckles of her uninjured hand up his forearm. His eyes darted to the contact and then back up to hers.

“I’m fine. Let me stay.”

“Of course, you can stay,” he replied gently, “It’s just… last time you wanted to be alone, so I thought…” Rey flushed, not wanting to admit out loud that she wanted to stay near him. He made her feel safe and now that she felt that, she didn’t want to give it up. She nibbled on her bottom lip as she studied the Coban on her hand, not sure how to explain to him what had changed without embarrassing herself. Thankfully, Kylo spared her having to do that by stepping past her to move back into the main room. She lingered for another moment to collect herself and then taking a deep breath, Rey followed.

 

***

 

Many hours later, Kylo and Rey were pulling up in front of her apartment building. Kylo put his truck in park and sat for a moment watching small misting raindrops collect on the windshield before they were abruptly streaked away by his windshield wipers. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rey unbuckle her seatbelt and turn her body toward him in her seat. He turned his head to her, scanning her face and noticing there was a small furrowing at her brows and the corner of her bottom lip was pulled into her teeth. Kylo wanted to reach out and smooth his fingertips along her brow, to smooth out the small crease there, but he kept his hands firmly planted on the steering wheel. After another moment of silence, Rey cleared her throat, seeming to come to some sort of decision.

“Kylo,” she started softly, reaching for his arm. Her small hand rested gently on his forearm and he took a second to appreciate its delicacy before meeting her eyes. They were searching his face, which he kept decidedly blank. “Will you come inside,” she asked finally. His breath caught in his throat for a moment as panic began to rise in his chest. Is this happening, this is too soon, she doesn’t know me, about the horrible things I’ve done, Kylo thought frantically. The feeling must have flitted across his face, because she spoke again suddenly, “I just, wanted to offer you some tea.” Kylo relaxed immediately.

“Sure,” he replied with a small, one-shouldered shrug. He shut off the ignition and they exited the truck, moving into her apartment. He followed her lead, depositing his damp boots on a small shoe tray by the door and stripped off his coat, which Rey took and hung up in the closet with hers. 

“Make yourself comfortable,” she said gesturing to the living area, “I’m just going to go change.”

“Would you like me to start the tea?” She looked surprised for a second before nodding.

“Sure. Everything is on the counter top, I’ll take something herbal.” By the time she returned in comfy pajamas, her face freshly washed, and her hair up in a small bun, Kylo had gotten their mugs ready and set them on the coffee table with the small sugar bowl. He settled himself onto the couch next to her, feeling large and awkward on her low furniture.

“How is your hand feeling,” he asked as he picked up his mug and blew gently into it. She wiggled her fingers slightly and smiled at him.

“I mean, it’s aching obviously, but not broken which is a blessing.”

“Yeah, especially considering how hard you clocked Snap,” Kylo replied with a grin over the rim of his mug. Rey laughed, the sound light and girlish.

“I didn’t even think about it; my body just went into action. The look on his face though made this,” she raised the bandaged hand, “so damn worth it.” It was Kylo’s turn to laugh. “Thank you, though,” she said after a moment. “For letting me handle it.”

He shrugged. “I really had no choice. By the time I realized something was happening, you’d already broken his nose.”

“No, I know, I just mean….” She seemed to flounder for a moment, as if she was unsure of how to convey her thoughts without upsetting him. Finally, she said, “I mean, I know you would have gotten your hands on him if I hadn’t stopped you. And I get the distinct feeling he would have left with more than just a broken nose if you had.” She was looking at him pointedly and Kylo shrugged.

“Maybe,” he replied, noncommittally. “But it would have been no more than he deserved.” He returned her pointed look. Rey’s eyes swept over his face briefly before she took a deep breath and leaned over to pick up her own tea, cradling it between both hands. Kylo decided then that he needed to let Rey in a little bit, so she would be able to better understand his violent tendencies. Setting his drink back on the coffee table, Kylo braced his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together tightly. “Listen, Rey,” he started as he turned his head to look at her. Her eyes locked with his and she made a continue motion with her hand. “There are things, in my past….” How do I do this without dumping her right into the garbage heap of my past, he thought. Gloss, gloss over details and bigger picture things, for now, the voice replied. He felt her shift and it snapped him out of his thoughts. He took a breath and started again. “I mentioned before I was in the military?” She nodded. “When I first joined the military academy, it didn’t take long for my proficiency in combat to attract attention, and I was soon after graduating drafted into a covert unit. Rey, I saw things over there, did things over there, that created this…. beast in me. This violent, endlessly-angry thing that is always with me.” During this small speech, he had focused on the coffee table in front of him, but now he turned his head to look at her again. She remained silent, her face blank, and he let out of a puff of breath, dragging his hands roughly through his hair. “I became angry at the world and the people in it. The horrible things I saw…. Gods, the horrible things I did. For a very long time I hated this world and its people, including myself. Myself most of all.” 

“Kylo,” she said gently, placing her mug on the table and scooting closer to him.

“No, Rey, listen to me…” Kylo interrupted, an edge of desperation to his voice. “I’m a monster, and monsters are violent and undeserving of kindness. I’m better than I was, and it’s taken me a long time to get to this point, but the sins of my past will never go away. So, this angry beast remains.” His head was cradled in his hands, shielding him from her gaze as he took deep breaths to calm himself. After a moment of silence, he felt her small hand on his shoulder. The beast in him flinched, wanting to recoil from the touch. You don’t deserve comfort or compassion, it hissed in his mind. But Kylo the man, wanted to melt into the touch, accept the gentle comfort of this woman he found himself inescapably drawn to.

“Are you done.” Her tone was hard, and it makes him finally lift his head to look at her, surprised. “I don’t know exactly what you went through. I can never know, first-hand at least. But people go through bad shit. It’s life. I was dumped by my parents, grew up in the system with an abusive guardian, have been recently attacked…twice!” Rey paused here, absently rubbing small circles into his shoulder with her fingertips. “And I’ve done things I’m not proud of,” she said with a small uncomfortable shift. “I’ve never told anyone this, not even Finn…” She pulled away from him slightly, fiddling with the bandage on her hand in her lap. Her eyes darted to the opposite wall where there were photos of her, and her friends hung above the tv. 

Not meeting his gaze, she continued. “Once, in my junior year of high school, my guardian Unkar beat me, pretty badly one night. He was drunk, which wasn’t unusual. Anyway, this time I don’t remember what I did, but he beat the crap out of me.” Her voice wavered slightly as her body tensed next to him. Kylo felt the angry beast in his chest raise its ugly head. She continued. “I skipped school for a few days, I had to, you know. I hid out in an abandoned house out in the woods. Well once I was healed up enough, I went out one night to the edge of town where I knew there was a dive bar. The kind of place criminals spend time. I found someone willing to kill Unkar for me.” She stopped again, and he could tell she was resolutely not looking at him. “I had no money though and I was so desperate to be free of Plutt….” her eyes were brimming with tears now, “and the guy made me an offer. If I were to….” She choked up, panic filling her features as she tilted her head to stare at the ceiling fan. “If I were to…. go down…on him,” she said carefully, the tears spilling over and across her cheeks, streaking toward her ear. Every muscle in Kylo’s body was fraught with tension. “Anyway, he ended up jumping Unkar in an alley the next night when Plutt was leaving his favorite liquor store. He beat him, but unfortunately someone happened to come across them before he finished.” She sighed, wiping at the tears on her cheeks and picking up her mug again. Kylo didn’t move, barely breathed. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions and questions. 

They sat for some time, Rey curled into a ball against the armrest on her end of the couch, sipping her tea, before Kylo finally spoke. It took every ounce of his control to reign in the snarling, flaring anger in his chest enough to keep it out of his voice, because he wasn’t angry at her. He was angry at her life. That she had to go through that. Kylo turned his body toward her and said, “Rey.” She turned her head to look at him. Her normally bright hazel eyes were red-rimmed and blood-shot. “What happened to you, was not your fault. You were forced into a corner.” She gave a small, watery upward twitch of her lips, and laid her hand on his arm.

“I know. That’s why I don’t let it rule my life. I forgave myself a long time ago,” she said. “Maybe you should, too,” she added softly as she leaned forward, setting down her mug again. Kylo marveled at her strength, her bravery. The scars on her soul had healed, she had let them, helped them along with her forgiveness. Maybe she could help him do the same. 

Maybe this girl can save you, a small, hopeful voice whispered to him.

 

***

 

Rey woke up just before noon the next day. Dragging herself out of bed, she made her way into the bathroom to shower. As she let the water heat before she climbed in, she stripped off her pajamas and began to very carefully remove the bandaging from her hand. She sucked in a sharp breath as the gauze on her knuckles tugged at the ragged flesh. Deciding she wasn’t quite ready to expose her hand to a full-blown shower yet, she reached under her bathroom sink and pulled out one of many plastic bags she seemed to forever be accumulating. Rey awkwardly worked the bag over her damaged hand and tied the handles as tightly as she could around her forearm. Once she stepped into the shower and started her bathing routine one-handed, her mind drifted to the night before. 

She wasn’t entirely sure why she dumped her deepest, darkest secret at the feet of this man she barely knew, but somehow it hadn’t felt wrong to do so. She had seen the scary side of Kylo a few times since they had met, and last night shed some light on where that darkness came from. He had looked so haunted as he spoke about his past. Rey wondered about the details. What had he seen, and what had he done that was so horrible it still tore at him years later?

Rey finished her shower and took care of her injured hand, washing it gently in the sink and applying antibacterial ointment. She cursed as she struggled with clean gauze and bandaging, eventually deciding she was going to stay home anyway, she might as well leave it unbandaged. As she stepped into her bedroom to get dressed, her phone chirped from her nightstand. She had texts from Finn and Jess asking her how her hand was and sending her well-wishes. The texts reminded her of the small blue pill Jess had given her the night before, so once Rey was dressed, she went in search of her coat. Sure enough, the pill was still in the pocket, so Rey took it with her into the kitchen, so she could grab some breakfast. Once she had eaten her fill, she took the pill with a glass of water and settled in on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and cable remote in hand. Let’s catch up on some DVR then, she thought with a sigh.

After a couple hours, her phone chirped from the cushion next to her, rousing her from a nap she had slipped into. Picking it up, her pulse quickened when she saw Kylo’s name on the lock screen. 

Kylo - Got a favor to ask you.

She quirked an eyebrow. 

Rey - Ok….?

Kylo - Can you come with me to my mom’s tomorrow?

Rey’s breath caught in her throat and she sat for a minute staring at her phone screen, unsure how to respond. 

Kylo - I told her I would clean her gutters.  
Kylo - Another set of hands would be a huge help.

She let out a long breath. Duh Rey, you’re meeting your FRIEND’S mother, not a big deal, dummy, she thought. But that didn’t explain the small flutter in her stomach at the thought. Rey couldn’t name the feeling she got every time she was around Kylo or got a text from him. She had never experienced this before, and therefore had no frame of reference. It was a flutter in her stomach, a quickening of her pulse, a small headrush. If she put these symptoms into Google, she was sure to come up with some horrifying diagnoses that would undoubtedly not be what was happening to her. Her phone chirped again, yanking her back to reality.

Kylo - But if you’re busy or something that’s totally OK.

Rey - No, I’m not busy, I’d love to help. 

Kylo - Great! Can I pick you up around 11 tmrw morning?

Rey - I’ll see you then 😄

The next morning, Rey had just finished lacing up her boots when there was a knock at the door. Having anticipated Kylo’s arrival at any moment, she had unlocked the door before she sat down to put on her boots and called out as she adjusted her pant legs. “Come on in!”

The door opened slowly, Kylo’s face peering curiously around it. Rey turned her head to glance at him over her shoulder and smiled. “Hey,” he mumbled, pulling his beanie off and ruffling his hair. Rey felt suddenly envious of that hand, imagining what it would be like to touch those shiny ebony locks. “You ok?” 

Shaking herself from her daydream, Rey smiled. “Yeah I’m good. Let’s go.” 

 

***

 

Kylo was exceedingly nervous. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, the only outward tell of his nerves. Glancing over at Rey, he noticed her knee bouncing up and down and chuckled to himself, glad to see he wasn’t the only one feeling weird about this. He had never brought a girl to meet his mother before, even a friend. A nervous laughing sound escaped his lips with the thought. “What’re you chuckling about over there?” Rey had a small smile on her face as she kept her eyes on the windshield.

He decided to be straightforward, “Just realizing I’m nervous about you meeting my mother.” Rey’s face turned to him then, full of relief. She turned in her seat to face him fully. 

“I’m so glad you said it! I felt like I was going crazy. This feels weird right?”

He laughed, “Yes. And I can’t pin down why, exactly. I mean, I’ve never introduced a woman to my mother before, but it’s not that. Well, not JUST that.” He glanced at her again. She was nodding, her eyes focused on her hands in her lap. The sun shone in through the window behind her, casting a halo of light around her head and shoulders, and Kylo’s breath caught. She looked angelic, all lit up like that. Kylo snapped his eyes back to the road and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “We’re here,” he said, pulling the truck into the driveway of his mother’s house. 

“Wow,” Rey breathed, wide-eyed. Kylo groaned.

“Oh hell, she didn’t tell me it was a two-story.” Rey glanced at him, a questioning expression on her face. “After my father died, she had the house torn down and this one built,” he explained, gesturing to the structure. “I haven’t been here since I moved back,” he finished ruefully. She obviously chose not to comment, for which he was grateful, and instead nodded knowingly. As they approached the front door, Rey took a deep breath beside him and before he had time to do the same, the door was being yanked open before them. 

“Ben,” Leia greeted with a big smile as she wrapped her arms around Kylo’s waist. He hugged her back, feeling Rey’s eyes boring into the side of his face. “And this must be Rey,” his mother said releasing him and moving to Rey to hug her as well. She visibly stiffened, but Leia paid it no mind and put her arms around her anyway. “It’s lovely to meet you. Ben has told me very little about you.” Rey laughed suddenly, a surprised sound. 

Kylo made introductions, gesturing between them, “Rey, this is my mother, Leia Organa-Solo. Mother, Rey.” 

“Well come on in kids,” Leia said, gesturing further into the space. As they followed her further inside, Kylo looked around his mother’s new home. Open floor-plan, lots of light through large windows. He recognized some of the furniture pieces from his childhood, family heirlooms from his mother’s side. The vast majority of it looked new and consisted mostly of neutral light grey and cream white with splashes of rich, deep blue and pastel yellow. 

There were pictures dominating one wall of the living area and he cringed inwardly as Rey leaned closer to him and whispered, “Oh I’m definitely looking at those sometime today.” She grinned broadly and winked. 

“Would you two like some coffee before you get to work? I’ve just bought this lovely coffee machine that makes individual cups and you can pick different flavors.” His mother was clearly excited. 

“I would love a coffee,” Rey said politely, taking a seat at the kitchen island and looking around. Kylo took a seat next to her and nodded in agreement. His mother carried over a metal carousel with the various coffee pods. Rey chose a light roast with caramel flavor, while Kylo picked a dark roast. As Leia busied herself with the coffee maker, Kylo got up and moved to his mother’s side.

“I’ll grab the mugs, would you like one,” he asked her. She smiled up at him and nodded. Before he could move away to grab them from the open-faced cabinet, his mother’s hand gripped his forearm gently.

She leaned in and whispered, “And why aren’t you dating this girl? She’s gorgeous and seems very polite.” 

“Not now, Mother,” he muttered as he moved away from her. She frowned slightly and turned back to her task. Grabbing their mugs, Kylo sat back down next to Rey and passed her one.

“I like your mother, she’s very straightforward,” Rey said gently as she took it from his hand. Kylo chuckled.

“A rare quality in a politician, but one that has served her well for a very long time,” he muttered, glancing at the woman in question. Rey only nodded, although Kylo could tell she wanted to say more. After they finished their coffees and some light chit chat, Kylo and Rey headed out to the garage to grab ladders and yard gloves. They set to work, Kylo taking the higher gutters while Rey took the lower ones. After about thirty minutes, Leia came outside.

“Hey, kids. I’m going to run into town for a while. There’s sandwich stuff in the fridge and plenty of drinks, help yourselves.”

“Ok mother, thank you.”

“Thank you very much, Mrs. Organa-Solo.”

“Oh, Rey dear, call me Leia.” Rey only nodded and waved as Leia climbed into her car and pulled out of the garage.

“So,” Rey called as soon as Leia was gone, “You forgot to mention your mother was the mayor.” Kylo scooped up a handful of leaves and tossed it down onto the lawn. He wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, and he glanced at her. She had stopped what she was doing and was watching him, so he shrugged. 

“What, did you not vote for her,” he asked jokingly as he grabbed another handful of leaves. 

“Oh, no, I voted for her. But it just seems like a weird omission,” she replied, also resuming her work.

“I just didn’t think it mattered. Besides, she’s not Madam Mayor or whatever to me, she’s just my mother. I’ve never really paid attention to the politician part of her. I mean, sure I saw her in her element a lot growing up. Always at some swanky political party or gathering. The endless working. It’s not like I could ignore that. But I also saw the woman in private moments. Those are the memories that are the clearest for me,” Kylo said as memories of his parents screaming at each other and the resultant tears flashed across his mind.

 

***

 

“But I also saw the woman in private moments,” Kylo was saying from his ladder a short distance from hers, “Those are the memories that are the clearest for me.” Something in his tone sounded sad, and Rey contemplated why that might be as she continued to grab handfuls of gunk from the gutters and toss it to the ground. She guessed she could understand why he hadn’t told her who his mother was. And it wasn’t like she really cared who his mother was. She huffed out a breath, deciding to drop the subject, and grabbed another handful of particularly wet gunk. She flung it down to her right and was startled when instead of the normal splatting sound of it hitting the ground, she heard a yelp. 

“Oh my gods, Kylo! I’m so sorry,” Rey squeaked, mortified, when she looked down to see him standing at the bottom of her ladder with gutter debris splatted down the front of his shirt. He stood, arms out to the sides, and head titled down, examining the extent of the damage. “I didn’t see you down there.” He finally looked up then, and Rey was relieved to see a smirk tugging at his lips. She smothered a laugh with the crook of her elbow before controlling herself and saying as calmly as possible, “What are you doing down there, anyway?” 

“Well,” he started as he glanced down at himself again, “I was done with that side, and thought I’d hold your ladder for you until you were done.” He glanced up at her again, his eyes crinkled at the corners as a large smile spread across his face. “Clearly, that was a terrible idea,” he added, gesturing to his front. Rey couldn’t hold it in any longer. The laugh escaped her, and she clung to the top rung of the ladder as her body shook. Kylo laughed from below her and the sound of his laugh set her off more. There were tears streaming down her face and her scalp was beginning to hurt from laughing so much. “You need to get down before you fall off,” he said between laughs.

Rey took a deep breath then, calming herself down as she wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her coat. “I’m done anyway,” she said, climbing down. When she reached the ground, she looked at the mess she had made. He had stripped off his coat ten minutes into working, and so thankfully it hadn’t caught any of the gunk. But his black and grey flannel had it caked down the front. “It’s lucky I missed your face,” she pointed out with a small smirk. 

One of his eyebrows crept up his forehead as he laughed and said in a playfully threatening tone, “Yes. You’re VERY lucky you missed my face.” He tugged at the front of his shirt, grimacing and looking down the front. “Ugh, I think some of it went in my shirt.” Rey scrunched up her face in a disgusted scowl. She followed him inside. “Why don’t you make yourself something to eat while I clean up,” he threw over his shoulder as he looked for a bathroom. 

“You want me to make you a sandwich too,” she called back, moving into the kitchen.

“Sure.” He sounded nearby, and Rey realized there was a bathroom right off the kitchen that he must have gone into. The door was slightly ajar, so she heard the water in the sink turn on a moment later. “Nasty,” she heard him say to himself. She snickered as she washed her hands, soon pulling things from the fridge to lay them out on the island and assemble their sandwiches. As she was finishing up, she heard him come out of the bathroom. “That crap got all over my undershirt too,” he said as he opened the fridge. She turned to hand him his plate and nearly dropped it on the floor, where her jaw had landed. He had come out of the bathroom shirtless. Rey gulped and let her eyes sweep over his form briefly before she redirected them to a very interesting spot on the wall above the fridge. His body was a creamy white color and muscled but not overly so. Broad chest and shoulders, thick biceps. Rey closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as her heart pounded against her sternum and warmth pooled low in her abdomen. “You ok?” He sounded concerned, and she felt his large hand on her arm, but she refused to look at him. 

“Yup, great. Just uh… lightheaded. Need to eat,” she replied in tight, clipped tones. 

“Well you go ahead and sit. Eat. I need to throw my clothes in the wash and find something to wear.” She almost made it until he was out of the room before she looked, but something wicked in her mind took over and her eyes snapped to his retreating form, taking in the muscled planes of his broad back as he left the room. She collapsed onto a barstool at the island, suddenly unable to continue standing. She had suspected he was well-built but seeing confirmation of her suspicions had knocked the breath from her lungs. It was actually better than she had imagined and as she thought about him, she felt a dampness in her panties that made her squirm on her seat. He came back into the room then, working a heather grey Henley shirt over his head. 

He’s trying to kill me, Rey thought as she again got an eye full of deliciously muscled torso. 

“This shirt’s a little tight, it was one of dad’s,” he said sheepishly as he tugged it down and grabbed his plate.

“Oh no, it looks great,” Rey replied, a little too quickly and in a weirdly high pitch. Smooth, idiot, she thought bitterly. Kylo only laughed and sat down next to her.

“You haven’t started eating?” His brow was furrowed in concern and Rey felt a blush rush up her chest and into her cheeks. She certainly wasn’t about to admit that she had been so distracted by his body that she had completely forgotten about the sandwich sitting in front of her.

She cleared her throat and replied meekly, “I…. was waiting…. for you.” His intense gaze made her squirm even more and she quickly picked up her sandwich and began eating, applying as much of her focus as possible on her sandwich. She inhaled her food, so focused was she on not looking over at him.

“Woah there, don’t choke,” he said from her side. 

Did his voice drop an octave or is that my imagination, she thought. Either way, it sent a shiver down her spine and she felt her nipples tighten beneath her bra. Acting purely on instinct, she shot off her stool and yanked the fridge open. The cool air felt good on her overheated face, so she lingered for a few extra seconds, pretending to contemplate the drinks. Grabbing out a bottle of water, Rey turned around letting the door close behind her and twisted the top off. She took long drags of cold water. 

“Someone’s thirsty.” She nearly choked, and water dribbled down her chin. Her free hand shot to her face to wipe away the water droplets and she finally looked at him. He looked thoroughly amused.

“You have no idea,” she grumbled to herself as she walked over and grabbed a paper towel from beside the sink. She heard him get up, and a second later she felt warmth at her back. Rey turned to find Kylo standing very closely to her, their bodies only a couple inches apart. “What….” She started, before seeing the plates in his hands and realizing she was blocking the sinks. “Oh, sorry.” She scooted out of the way, her body screaming at the loss of proximity. 

“No problem,” he replied, giving her a devilish smirk.

Does he know he’s got me flustered, is he playing some kind of game with me, she screamed internally. Rey excused herself to the bathroom and closed the door firmly behind her. Standing at the sink, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was flushed, eyes wild, hair slightly disheveled. She yanked the hair tie holding her chestnut waves back into a ponytail and turned on the cold water. Wetting her hands, she washed her face, ran her damp hands through her hair to tame it a bit and then washed her hands.

 

***

 

Kylo had just finished washing their dishes and putting everything away when Rey reemerged from the bathroom. She’d been acting strangely since he had walked out in front of her without a shirt on, and Kylo got a rush of pride at her reaction. It had been a while since he’d gotten any female attention, as his face wasn’t what he thought of as “handsome” per se. He knew he had attractive attributes. His hair, eyes, lips. Those things tended to balance out the long nose, natural pallor of his skin, large ears, and smattering of “beauty marks,” as his mother had called them when he was growing up, although Kylo knew they were just moles. He never saw anything “beautiful” about them. His body, however, was a particular point of pride with him, as he worked to maintain his toned physique. He’d toyed with Rey a little, to see what she would do. Her reaction hadn’t disappointed, but Kylo decided as soon as she rushed off to the bathroom that he would stop messing with her when she came back. Poor thing looked like her head was about to explode, he thought with a smirk. He turned around to see Rey moving into the living room.

She was standing by the picture wall, her arms folded over her chest and leaning in to examine them when he entered the room. She pointed to one and turned to him, smiling. “Is that you?!”

Kylo stepped next to her. It was a picture taken at his eighth birthday party. His hair had been cropped shorter back then, and it was apparent he hadn’t quite grown into his ears yet. He nodded, afraid of what she was about to say.

“Oh my gods, you were so cute,” she squealed. He scoffed.

“Past tense,” he questioned with a small smile.

Her face flushed again. “Oh, well…” she replied noncommittally, scanning him again before quickly turning back to the pictures. “Oh wow, your parents,” Rey breathed as she examined a picture of Han and Leia on their wedding day. 

“They were married in Italy on the shore of Lake Como. It’s where my mother’s parents were married.”

“It’s…. well it’s beautiful.” It was indeed a beautiful picture. Lush greenery in the background and on the terrace in the foreground, a beautiful sunset. Leia and Han were hand in hand, their bodies facing away from the camera and into the sun, but their faces turned to each other. He had seldom seen his parents smile at each other like that in his life, but it was comforting to know they had that kind of happiness at some point. Rey moved to another picture. This one a group shot from a family barbeque. “Is that Maz? And Chewie?” Kylo nodded and Rey chuckled. “They kind of look the same, don’t they?”

“Yes, they do,” Kylo said with a laugh. “And Luke,” he pointed. “You want to see a trippy picture,” Kylo redirected her to a picture of his mother and uncle when they were much younger. “My mother and her twin brother, Luke, were separated at birth and raised by different families. My uncle, raised by a farmer and his wife, my mother by a senator and his wife. When they were in their early twenties, they found each other. This was their first meeting,” Kylo said nodding to the picture. In the picture, Luke and Leia were embracing one another, but it looked as though whoever had taken the picture had asked them to both face the camera. Instead of separating fully, Luke’s left arm was still around Leia’s shoulders and Leia’s left hand was resting on Luke’s chest. 

“Luke’s hair,” Rey squealed, pointing. “It’s so feathery!” Kylo laughed. 

“It was the style back then,” he said with a small shrug. Her excitement was incredibly endearing. 

“And your mother, those buns.” She turned to him then, face full of confusion.

“Ah well, that was my mother’s rebellious phase.” She quirked an eyebrow at him and he, again, shrugged. “She met my father around that time through Luke. My dad was Luke’s weed dealer.” At this, Rey let out a loud cackle, her eyes as big as dinner plates.

“No fucking way!!” She gaped at him, which only made him laugh.

“I’m not lying. They were kids.” Rey turned her attention back to the pictures, immediately finding a picture of the three of them together, arms around each other and large smiles on their faces. 

As she studied the remaining pictures, Rey cleared her throat and turned to him. Kylo turned to look at her. Her body language screamed hesitation. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded, giving her an encouraging smile. “Why does your mother call you Ben?” 

There it is, Kylo thought. “My birth name is Ben,” he replied simply, turning his attention back to the photos. He could see her in his peripheral vision, fidgeting nervously. Clearly, she wasn’t done with this line of questioning.

“Why do you go by Kylo?” He turned his eyes back to her then, and something on his face must have scared her, because she recoiled ever so slightly from his gaze. 

“Kylo is the name I took when I joined the unit. It was, initially, to protect my loved ones from harm should I get captured. The military essentially gave me a new identity. Our unit was dubbed The Knights of Ren, by it’s commanding officer, and all members took on new names. I was Kylo Ren.”

“But you kept the name when you left…” It was a statement, but Kylo could see the question in her eyes. He exhaled deeply, running a hand through his hair.

“I did.” He gestured to the photo of him on his birthday. “This is Ben Solo. I haven’t been that person in many years. Not really. That boy would never do the awful things Kylo Ren has done. Ben liked working on The Falcon with his dad, playing with his mother’s hair, wrestling with Uncle Chewie and camping with Uncle Luke,” he explained, his eyes scanning the memories that were no longer his. “Kylo Ren has killed people,” he said, bowing his head in shame. After a moment, he felt a small, warm hand on his shoulder, and his eyes came up to meet hers. Her hazel eyes were full of comfort, and for a split second, Kylo wanted nothing more than to get lost in their depths and never come back. A thought flittered across his mind then, This woman can save me, she can be my redemption. A feeling began to bloom in his chest then, one he hadn’t felt in a very long time and had convinced himself he wasn’t worthy of. Hope. It was small, weak, sure to blow out at any moment, but it was there and Kylo clung to it with every fiber of his being. Tears sprung to his eyes, he was so overwhelmed in that moment.

“Ben,” she said gently, and his heart clenched at that name coming from her mouth. It sounded like the sweetest song he had ever heard, and he wanted to be that person again, for her. “Is it ok if I call you Ben?” He nodded, unable to speak past the lump in his throat. “That boy is still in there, and he can overcome what Kylo has been through.” Her lips were speaking the words he had wanted to hear for so long. Those lovely pink, plush lips were applying a healing balm to his soul that he craved, and he wanted to capture them with his own and swallow her words, make them a physical part of himself. Kylo took a step closer to her then, and he saw her chest hitch as her breath caught. She smelled like apples, cinnamon, and that slight metallic smell of cold air clinging to her clothes. He slowly brought his face down next to her ear and let his eyes drift closed as he took a deep breath of her. His hands came up to grip her forearms and he felt her fingertips dig into his forearms. He opened his eyes again and realized her chest was moving in an uneven rhythm as her breath came out in shallow pants. He moved ever so slowly to press the side of his face to the top of her head and bring his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into a full-body hug. Her hair was silky soft on his cheek and he felt her heart pounding against his stomach. They stayed that way for quite some time. 

 

****

 

Rey was still in a daze when Kylo dropped her off about an hour later. She could still feel his body pressed to hers. Hot and solid. As she showered, she thought of his face as he spoke about Ben Solo. He had looked more open and raw than she had ever seen him, even when he had told her about his military past. His beautiful brown eyes filled with so much pain and regret. The feeling of his hands on her, his arms around her, his face pressed to the top of her head. One minute he had her body flushed with the heat of arousal, the next he had her insides warm with an overwhelming feeling of affection. She had felt affection toward people before, but not like this. This was intense, burning almost in its strength. 

Rey stepped out of her shower and toweled off. Tossing her towel back over it’s designated bar, she walked to her bedroom as bare as the day she was born and flopped down on her bed. As she continued to think of Kylo (Ben, she corrected herself), her mind lingered on his bare form and the resulting rush of hormones she had experienced. That sight combined with the memory of how his body had felt against hers made her skin prickle with goosebumps. Her nipples tightened again and the heat from earlier returned to the apex of her legs. She bit her lip and glanced at her nightstand, contemplating her next move. It’s been a while, her hormone fueled mind reminded her. “True,” she said to the air. 

Rey rummaged through her nightstand and dug out her favorite toy, a black silicone U-shaped clitoral and g-spot stimulator, before she rolled over onto her back and got comfortable on her pillows. With her legs parted and knees bent, feet firmly planted into the mattress, she reached down and tentatively ran a finger through her folds. A small shiver ran through her body at the contact and she was unsurprised to find she was already a little wet. She gathered some wetness on her middle finger and began to stroke slow, deep circles around her bundle of nerves as she remembered the contours of his body, the warmth of it. She remembered the smell of him. The musk of man, citrusy (Probably his deodorant, she thought), coffee. She imagined his large hands exploring her body. As she imagined his hand cupping her breast, she brought her free hand up and stimulated it. Drawing her thumb slowly across her nipple, a small pulse went through her body causing her to gasp slightly. She was properly wet now. 

Rey grabbed her toy, slipping one end into her entrance. It was a snug fit, but her body adjusted quickly, and she pressed the button on top to turn it on, flipping through the pulse cycles until she found one she liked. Now both of her hands were free to play with her breasts, alternating between light teases and sharper tugs. She imagined Ben laying before her in all his naked glory. His long, thick cock (Because surely a man his size would have a proportionate member?) hard with his need for her. She imagined crawling up his body, dragging her lips, tongue, and nipples over him as she ascended. She imagined him tremble and writhe beneath her, begging her in a husky voice to let him taste her. “Patience,” she would whisper as she teased his mouth with hers. She would crawl back down his body, resting between his legs, her eyes locked with his as she grabbed the base of his cock and began placing wet, open-mouthed kisses up the shaft. His eyes would roll back in his head and one of his hands would tangle into her hair, gripping it tightly as a groan escapes his lips. At this, Rey felt herself hit the first ripple of her impending orgasm and she switched the pulse action to a higher speed. In her mind, she lowered her mouth slowly down his length, feeling him tremble under her. She dragged her tongue flat back up his shaft as she hollowed her cheeks. When she reached the tip, she released him with a wet pop before she circled her tongue around it, pressing lingering licks across that special spot on the head that was so sensitive. His grip would tighten further in her hair then, and he would growl out, “Please. Please let me fuck your hot little mouth.” How could she deny him? With a devilish grin, she would nod, wrapping her lips once again around the head and holding the base firmly in one hand. He would begin to pump into her mouth, initially slow long strokes, her keeping the suction consistent and occasionally bringing her tongue into play. As his thrusts became rougher, truly fucking her face then, her free hand would cup his balls, massaging them gently. She would feel them begin to tighten in her palm, a sure sign of his impending finish. The thought of him fucking into her mouth made Rey shiver as she climbed ever closer to her release. Her body was vibrating with the need, her chest heaving as she panted and writhed on her sheets, sweat beading her forehead. Back in her imagination, Ben was truly panting now, his arm and stomach muscles taut with his need to come. He growled again, an animal sound that made Rey’s skin break out in goosebumps. “Rey,” he would pant, “I’m… going to…. come…” She would hum then, so pleased with the prospect and the vibrations would be just what he would need to reach that peak, spilling thick and hot over her tongue. At that point in her fantasy Rey felt the tingling waves of her own orgasm begin to hit her. Her body trembled, and a warmth spread from her pubic area down into her toes and up into her chest. Her breath came out in a high whine and her back arched off the bed. She had to hold the toy in place as her vaginal muscles clenched, trying to force it out of her. But she was determined to ride out the waves of this orgasm, which was probably the best she had ever had. Once her muscles stopped spasming and her breath began to return to a normal rhythm, she reached down and gingerly pulled the toy from her drenched pussy, turning it off and laying it on her belly. She allowed herself the time to bask in the warm afterglow of her release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quickly approaching what I have written so far and for that reason and having posted twice this week, I may take some time to write some more before I post again. Hopefully not a lot though.  
> Comments and Kudos are love <3  
> Tumblr: enochianlovenotesfordean  
> Twitter: @co_rabbit_89  
> Spotify Reylo playlist:  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/9h2jwaftne45v1zlw0ylnmp9e/playlist/21R6MJt2Fzt3dFWytIV0eV?si=Clgx7ZSaSbGRv60-xyoocw


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more angst is coming, pretty much right away.  
> Rey has another (really) bad day.  
> Kylo does something about a persistent problem.  
> More Leia/Ben bonding and Rey/Ben bonding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat shorter chapter than my previous ones.  
> Mind the tags, please!

Several days later, Rey was saying good-bye to Finn as he left the garage to go home for the night. She was the only one left in the building, catching up on some paperwork after having spent the bulk of her day helping the guys in the bay. It was great to finally get her hands dirty and apply her newfound knowledge to actually fixing vehicles. And the guys had been so great, guiding her through the nuances they didn’t teach in training courses. The downside was that it did put her behind on her receptionist duties every day by at least thirty minutes, so she had become accustomed to staying late, closing up alone. She pulled out her phone, remembering suddenly that Ben had mentioned the day before in a brief text conversation that he may need her to work. They had barely spoken since Sunday at his mother’s house and Rey wasn’t sure if it was just that they were both busy, or if it was intentional.

Rey - Do you need me tonight?

Her fingers drummed restlessly on her desk as she waited for a reply, which came almost five minutes later while she was finishing up with invoices.

Ben - Nope. Luke wanted to come in. Thank you though.

A small twinge of sadness tugged at her heart at the thought that he was pulling away from her. Instead of replying, she simply locked her screen and tucked the phone into her purse. She then proceeded to put her computer into sleep mode and gather her things, moving to the front door to set the alarm. Once outside, she pulled her phone from her purse again, unlocking it and contemplating Ben’s text. 

A sudden movement off to her left made her gasp and try to step away from it, but before she could properly react, he was on her. Hux used his larger frame to press her body securely against the wall of the building, placing one hand firmly over her mouth to keep her from screaming. She went still, remembering the last time his body had been on her like this and the reaction he had had to her wiggling. Her eyes, wide with fear, scanned his face. He looked pretty much the same, except now he had some facial scars of his own. Small ones, granted, but noticeable, nonetheless. Angry pink things, one across the bridge of his nose, and one under one of his eyes. His hair was slightly longer, and disheveled. His eyes looked huge and completely insane, his lips contorted into a terrifying grin. 

“Well, hello again,” he snarled, and the skin on her scalp tightened. “I noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with Ren. Are you his whore now,” he spit viciously at her. She grunted in protest but remained still. “How could you open your legs for that monster, and not for me? You were supposed to be mine, Rey, and I don’t like my things being taken from me,” he said in a near purr as he lifted his free hand and ran the knuckle of his index finger down her cheek. Her skin crawled and her stomach rolled. Taking a deep calming breath through her nose, she tried to focus on a way to get away from Hux and not on him touching her. That was when she remembered the cell phone still clutched in her hand. “Has he even told you about his past? The disgusting things he did? Surely not,” he scoffed, throwing his head back and laughing bitterly. “If you find me repulsive, he’s much worse than I am.” 

I sincerely doubt that, Rey thought as she focused on moving her thumb slowly and carefully across what little of the miraculously still unlocked screen she could see at that angle. Hux was too busy looking up into the sky at that point to notice her eyes flicking downward, but as soon as his attention came back to her face, her eyes came back up.

“Did he tell you what his special unit was? Hmm? I don’t think so. You see, I know all the dirty details because I was there too. I wasn’t an attack dog, like Kylo. I was brains. Our commanding officer, Snoke, saw my potential as next in the chain of command, then Ren came along with his combat skills. Snoke made him the Master of The Knights of Ren. Top dog. It drove me crazy. Snoke had refused to let me be a Knight. He said my talents were better suited behind the scenes.” Here he stopped and contemplated her, his eyes scanning her face before he continued, “But I digress. The point is, that Kylo’s hands are covered in blood. He’s a murderer and has ruined countless lives besides. Ask him about the girls,” at this, Hux stopped again. Rey felt the blood in her veins go cold. 

Hux looked back up at the sky, seemingly relishing in the knowledge that he had shaken her. Rey used the opportunity to slide her thumb over and hit the dial icon on the last text she had open. As the call went through, she heard Ben’s voice faintly through the speaker. Hux’s head snapped down then, hearing it as well, and Rey took advantage of his distraction to wrench herself free of his grasp on her mouth. “BEN,” she screamed, “CHEWIE’S!” Hux backhanded her squarely across the face, sending her sprawling to the ground, the phone still clutched to her chest.

“REY! I’M COMING” Ben’s voice bellowed on the other end before the call ended.

“You sneaky bitch,” Hux said breathlessly, as he advanced on her. He knelt down on the asphalt, legs straddling her waist and began backhanding her over and over, his sharp knuckles ripping gashes into her face on impact. Rey lost count of how many hits she had taken and was barely clinging to consciousness as headlights bounced across the parking lot and tires squealed. Hux leapt off of her then, scrambling to get away. Rey heard thundering steps approach her quickly across the pavement. Her face was in agony and she could feel the swelling begin. Ben’s face came into her line of sight and she made a relieved whimpering noise.

“Holy shit, Rey. I need to get you to the hospital,” he said as he looked up and scanned the parking lot. Hux was sure to be long gone by now.

“Ben,” she whispered through swollen lips as she felt unconsciousness begin to tug at her. 

“Shhhh, it’s ok, I’m here.” She felt his hand caress her cheek gently and she sighed. “Rey, don’t go to sleep yet, I need you to tell me if that was Hux.”

Rey tried to nod, and it only made the throbbing in her head worse. “Yes,” she finally managed.

“Did he say anything to you?”

“He said… You’re a monster. He said… Girls,” Rey said this last bit with a slightly questioning inflection. She cracked her eyes open again to look at Ben’s face. He looked like he was about to throw up, but Rey didn’t have the time to analyze that as the heavy sleepiness pulled at her harder. Before she succumbed to it entirely, she said one more thing. “Snoke.”

 

****

 

Kylo paced back and forth at the foot of Rey’s hospital bed. He glanced over at her prone form as he recalled the last couple of hours since she had called him and screamed his name. It had sent a chill of terror down his spine, the desperation in her voice. He had probably broken multiple driving laws in the process of rushing her here, but he didn’t care. Rey had almost immediately been examined and sent in for scans. After a couple of hours, the doctors reported that despite the multiple contusions and lacerations to her face, her brain looked healthy and undamaged on scans. They had also managed to wake Rey long enough to rule out concussion and the rest of her body had only received small bruises here and there. Kylo had puffed out a huge sigh of relief at this news, sending silent thanks to whatever power existed that Rey was relatively undamaged, aside from her beautiful face being beaten. Once he had news, he made calls. First, to Luke, letting him know what had happened and asking him to close up the bar. Luke had agreed and sent his well wishes to Rey. Kylo then called Chewie, as he had no way of contacting Rey’s friends. Chewie agreed to let Poe and Finn know what had happened, grunting an offer to help Kylo hunt down the “fucker who did it” before hanging up. Lastly, he called his mother. She picked up on the second ring.

“Hello?” Her voice sounded heavy with sleep.

“Mom,” Kylo managed, before a lump caught in his throat as emotion flooded him.

“Ben, honey? What happened?” She was wide awake now, based on her tone.

He cleared his throat, regaining control over his voice before he spoke again. “It’s Rey. She was attacked. I’m with her at the hospital…” He trailed off, scared to ask what he wanted to. Thankfully, his mother knew what he needed without him having to ask. 

“I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you, Mom. Drive safe.” They hung up, not another word being said. Not long after, his mother arrived. She had thrown on casual clothes and an old coat. Her face was bare of make-up and her hair was in one long single braid down her back. Leia moved swiftly to her son’s side, wrapping her arms around his torso. The relief really hit him then and silent tears coursed down his cheeks as he buried his face in the top of her hair.

“How is she,” she asked, muffled from being pressed to his chest. Her hands soothingly ran up and down his back.

“She’ll be ok. It’s all surface injuries, thankfully,” he mumbled into her hair. Leia moved to step back, looking up into his face. 

“And how are you?” Kylo hesitated. The drive to the hospital and the time between talking to doctors had afforded him a decent amount of time to think. He realized why hearing Rey screaming his name had scared him so deeply. At some point, without realizing it, he’d begun to love this girl and the thought of anything happening to her had not just scared him as one person caring for another, but as someone who loved wanting to protect the subject of that love. He felt his mother shake his arm slightly then, and he snapped out of his thoughts to meet her eyes. She studied him silently for a moment before realization crossed her face. “You love her.” It was a statement.

“It’s crazy, I know,” he started as he went to pull out of his mother’s grasp. She only tightened her hold with one hand as the other came up to stroke his cheek gently. 

“It’s not crazy,” she assured him gently. “I knew I loved your father not long after I met him. There is no pre-determined amount of time for this sort of thing. You feel how you feel, when you feel it, and that’s ok.” She glanced over at Rey then. “Have you told her?” Kylo shook his head, and his mother released him to go to Rey’s bedside. She reached out and gently brushed a lock of Rey’s hair from her forehead. “Don’t wait too long to tell her. You never know how much time you have with those you love.” Kylo’s heart clenched in his chest at the look of sadness that washed over his mother’s features. She was thinking of Han, of that he was certain. He moved next to her, peering down on Rey’s face, peaceful in sleep. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I told your dad I loved him,” Leia asked quietly after a moment.

“No.”

“I just said it, out of the blue one day, and your father looked at me with that cocky, stupid grin on his face, and said, ‘I know.’ Oh, I could have strangled him,” Leia laughed. “I knew he loved me too, of course. It took him a while longer to say it, but you know your dad, always one to do things on his terms.” She looked up at him then, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Kylo wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her small frame into his side. His insides were twisted with guilt at not having been there for her when his father had died. He had been a coward and his mother suffered for it.

“Mom, I…”

She cut him off with a swift shake of her head. “Ben, I know.” She patted his arm reassuringly. “You weren’t ready to come home. I understand. You’re here now though.” They stood, arms around one another at Rey’s bedside for a while before they were pulled out of their silent contemplation by the sound of people entering the room. It was Rey’s friends. Kylo made quick work of introductions and explanations of Rey’s condition before excusing himself with the promise that he would be back as soon as he could be and the assurance from his mother that she would call him if anything changed. 

Now to do some weasel hunting, Kylo thought bitterly as he left the hospital. It wasn’t hard to find the piece of shit. Kylo knew Hux’s inclination toward excess, and that Snoke tended to encourage it, so Kylo went to the upper-class neighborhood and rode around until he spotted Hux’s pretentious vehicle parked in front of a modern two-story. Idiot, Kylo thought venomously as he took in the ridiculous number of uncovered windows and rooms with lights on. As he continued to observe the residence, Hux came striding through his living room, looking for all the world as though he hadn’t just attacked someone. After parking further down the block, Kylo crept up to the house, sure to stay hidden behind the over-abundance of landscaping shrubbery running alongside it. He was moving around the house, looking for a possible entry point, when he came across a sliding glass door leading to what looked like a home office. The room was dark, and when Kylo tried the door, it was miraculously unlocked. He scoffed to himself. Slipping quietly into the office, he moved to the open doorway, sure to stay close to the wall. He didn’t hear any movement, but he did hear classical music coming from the living room. Slowly, he poked his head around the doorway, spying Hux on the couch, his back to the hallway. Kylo scanned the office quickly, spying small binder clips in a dish on the desk and an idea popped into his head. He grabbed a clip and as swiftly as possible, whipped it down to the end of the hallway and yanked his arm back in before it could be seen. He heard Hux get up then and move toward the hallway. As the red-head moved past where he was hidden, Kylo stepped out into the hallway quietly. Hux bent over and picked up the clip laying in the middle of the floor.

“What the hell?”

“Surprise, fucker,” Kylo said in a menacing growl as he charged Hux from behind, shoving him viciously into the wall. Hux’s face bounced off the plaster and he crumpled to the ground with a grunt. Kylo swooped on him then, pinning him to the floor. He reached down and pulled the knife that was holstered at his ankle, placing the blade firmly to Hux’s throat. 

“Ohohoho, look who it is! The valiant knight,” Hux crowed from beneath Kylo. “Did you save your damsel?” He laughed, blood pouring down the sides of his face from his obviously broken nose before his face twisted into a nasty scowl and he spat, “Did you save your whore?!”

Kylo snarled and pressed the blade further into Hux’s pasty neck, causing blood to well up around the metal. “Do you have a death wish, you insufferable piece of shit?” 

Hux laughed, “No, but apparently you do, Ren. Snoke will have your head on a platter if anything happens to me.”

“Considering you’re out here running your mouth about The Knights, somehow I doubt that,” Kylo sneered, pressing the blade slightly harder into Hux’s flesh. The man beneath him froze then, eyes wide as comprehension dawned on him. “Oh, didn’t think about that did you? Too busy acting like a petty, spiteful child to really consider what you were doing. Maybe I should do one last job for Snoke, on the house.”

“R-Ren,” Hux sputtered, the panic washing over his features. Kylo growled, low in his chest, effectively cutting him off. Kylo’s beast had reared its head the moment he had left the hospital, howling for blood, and Kylo was fully prepared to give it what it wanted. 

The sorry excuse for a human being beneath him whimpered as Kylo pressed the blade further into the delicate skin of his neck, and a soft voice in Kylo’s head spoke up. It sounded, remarkably, like Rey. You don’t have to do this don’t go this way, it pleaded.

“What,” Kylo whispered, suddenly full of doubt. His mind was beginning to race as realization crashed into him like a bullet train. It had been so easy to slip back into the violent monster he had been in the past. “I’m not,” he began, his grip on the knife slackening as his vision blurred and his chest tightened. “I’m not this anymore...”

A strangled noise beneath him brought him crashing back into the present. “Oh, Ren…” Hux said with a watery chuckle. Kylo’s eyes focused back on Hux’s face, which was swollen, splotchy and streaked with blood. “You’re a monster, and you always will be,” he continued, “So go ahead. Kill me.” Hux’s features contorted into a crazed mask, and he hissed, “If you don’t kill me, I will kill you. But not before I kill that whore of yours, and make you watch.” The beast roared within him, taking complete control as Kylo’s mind processed several realizations at once; Hux had lost his mind, and he meant what he said. 

Kylo roared, adrenaline coursing through his body, his grip tightening once again on the knife handle. “Goodbye, Hux,” Kylo said just before he swiftly dragged the blade across Hux’s pale throat, opening it up from one ear to the other and allowing jets of hot blood to spray out. Hux’s body soon ceased all movement beneath him and Kylo’s arms dropped to his sides, a deep sigh escaping him. 

Why, the soft voice asked. 

“It had to be done. I can’t let anything happen to Rey.” 

Death isn’t the answer, the voice replied.

“It was necessary,” he shouted into the empty house as he stood up. The voice was conspicuously silent as Kylo took in the gore at his feet. “It was necessary.”

 

***

 

Upon waking, Rey was first acutely aware of the pain, followed swiftly by remembering what had happened. Everything hurt. The skin on her face felt tight and throbbed with her pulse. Her arms, shoulders and back ached. Probably from hitting the ground, she thought vaguely as she continued to lay with her eyes closed. Once she had mentally assessed the damage to her body, she focused on her surroundings. It was obvious she was in a hospital without even having to open her eyes, but there were low, murmuring voices coming from one side of the room and despite the ache in her head she was curious. Rey cracked her eyes open slowly, realizing that the left one would barely open anyway. I’m going to have a nice shiner, she thought bitterly as she scanned the room. In the corner by the window sat Finn and Rose, leaning in close and speaking lowly. Rey’s heart warmed at the sight of her best friends, but as she scanned a little more, she realized Ben was nowhere to be found and her heart sank. 

“Rey?” Rose was looking at her, relief written across her features. Finn leapt to his feet and moved quickly to sit beside her on the bed.

“Hey,” he said softly. His face looked sad and tired and Rey’s heart clenched. He reached for her hand, careful to handle it gently. “How are you feeling?”

Rey snorted, and then cringed when her body screamed in protest. “I feel fantastic. Why? Don’t I look amazing,” she replied softly with a small lift of her eyebrows and a smirk tugging at her lips. Finn chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

“Yes, of course. Stunning.” His smile faltered and a small frown line formed between his eyebrows. “But seriously Rey, are you in a lot of pain? The nurse has you on a painkiller, here’s the button if you need a boost,” he said, as he handed her the controller.

“I’m ok right now, but thank you for telling me,” she replied before putting the device down on the bed next to her. Her eyes involuntarily flicked toward the door as footsteps passed by in the hallway.

“He was here,” Finn said, his eyes still on her face. Rey’s heart leapt in her chest and she began to speak when the door opened, and her eyes snapped in that direction again.   
Leia’s kind face came around the door as she stepped into the room and Rey sighed. It wasn’t Ben, but she was happy to see her, nonetheless. 

“Rey, honey!” Leia stepped over to the bed, opposite Finn, and took Rey’s other hand.

“Where’s Ben,” Rey asked. Leia sighed, turning to drag a chair closer to the bed. She sat before returning her attention to Rey, her face was carefully arranged in a neutral expression.

“He left shortly after your friends arrived. He said he would be back.” Rey frowned. Leia’s answer felt evasive somehow. “Anyway, now that you’re awake, I’ll call him and let him know.” The woman reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out a cell phone. Rey could hear the line ringing, and then a deep voice on the other end, causing her pulse to quicken. “Everything is fine, Rey just woke up,” Leia said quickly in response. There was silence for a beat, and then a quick rumble of words. “She seems alright,” Leia said, glancing at Rey for confirmation. Rey nodded. There was another rumble. “Ok, I’ll let her know. See you in a bit.” Leia ended the call and tucked her phone away. “Ben is on his way back.” Rey sighed and settled back into her pillows more comfortably. By the time she finished, her injuries were protesting in horrific stabs of pain, but she diligently ignored the painkiller button, determined to be awake when Ben got back. 

After another ten minutes, during which Poe and Jess popped in to check on her, Ben finally came into the room. His large frame filled the doorway for a moment and her breath caught at the sight of him. Suddenly, a flash of memory crashed over her. 

She was laying on cold, hard pavement. Ben was knelt down beside her, his hand on her cheek. His head was haloed by the security light at the edge of the parking lot and the stars, faraway in the deep blue of the night sky, winked down on her. He was speaking, his full lips forming words she couldn’t quite remember. There was a profound sense of comfort, knowing he was there with her, his large body hunched over hers in a protective shield. Rey remembered speaking to Ben, but not what was said. Except one word. Snoke.

“Rey.” His voice was low and gentle. He had set bags down on the small table in the corner and was moving slowly to her bedside. The gathering of people around her bed parted and moved to the table as Rey’s eyes locked with his. Warmth rushed through her body and she tried to smile, only managing a small one with the damage to her face. Ben’s face crumpled and he dropped heavily into a chair at her bedside, his face buried in his hands. His shoulders shuddered as he took deep breaths and Rey just stayed as she was, watching him and allowing him his moment.

“Son,” Leia said gently as she stepped over to him and leaned down, placing a hand on his arm. “We’ll take our stuff to the cafeteria, give you two some privacy.” The woman gave Rey a sympathetic look and joined the group moving toward the door. As it clicked shut behind them, Rey moved to sit up more, causing Ben to look up at her. His face was blotchy, his eyes red-rimmed.

“Let me,” he said lowly as he made to stand up. Rey put a hand up in the stop motion and gave an abrupt shake of her head as her eyes locked with his.

“I can handle it,” she said gently. He remained on the edge of the chair, a look of concern and doubt on his face.

“Don’t be stubborn,” he started again. Rey’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“I have very little control over this situation,” she said in a near-whisper, “but I can sit myself up, so let me.” Ben’s lips tightened to a thin line, but he only nodded. Once she was settled again, she let her eyes scan his face. He looked exhausted. 

After a moment of silence, where his dark eyes scrutinized her injuries making her squirm slightly, he spoke. “Rey, I’m so sorry.” 

She frowned. “For?” It was his turn to frown, as if the answer should have been obvious to her.

“This,” he said gesturing to her. He took a deep breath. “You, being attacked, is my fault.”

Rey puffed air through her nose as she shook her head. “How in the world is Hux being a psychopath and attacking me, your fault?” A large hand came up then, tousling his hair into a crazy halo of waves. Leaning forward with his forearms on his knees, he took another breath.

“Hux was only in this damn town because of me,” he said with a vehement tone. “He would never have been in your life, attacking you twice now, if it wasn’t for me.” 

Rey’s stomach dropped and her skin prickled. A sudden feeling of wrongness settled into her stomach and she gulped, scared of the direction of the conversation. “Ben,” she breathed, “I don’t understand.” His eyes left her face then to study his boots.

“Listen, I’m not going to get into it right now. All you need to know, is that Hux and I have history. Not good history. And being in my life has put you in danger.”

“Ben, I’m going to need more information than that,” Rey said, her voice hoarse. Her mind was racing, and her palms felt clammy. Her breath started coming out in shallow puffs and she felt like her whole body had a low electric current pulsing through it. Ben looked up then, his face becoming alarmed at the sight of her. He stood and moved to sit gently on the bed beside her. 

“Rey.” His voice was low and soothing. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

She silently shook her head, focused on the opposite wall and trying to remember her grounding exercise. After a moment, she dared to speak. “I’m just, overwhelmed and it’s triggered a panic attack.” She chuckled, a low derisive sound. “Haven’t had one of these in a couple years, can’t seem to remember my steps.” Ben’s brow creased further, clearly unsure of how to help. “I just,” she started and faltered, not wanting to load more guilt onto the weight he was clearly already carrying, before deciding she needed to voice her thoughts in order to help herself calm down. “I’m scared. This is all a lot. Will I always be looking over my shoulder? I don’t blame you and I don’t want you to blame yourself, but I would like to know why exactly being in your life makes me a target. I’m willing to take the risk, as long as I know all the information,” she finished. Her heart was pounding, the blood thumping in her ears. She locked eyes with him, silently pleading for his help. 

Ben gently took her hands in his. “Rey, I swear to you, I will tell you this story. Just not today.” She nodded, still trying desperately to ease herself from the edge of spiraling completely. “I need you to breathe. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on your surroundings. The feel of the bed beneath you, the sheets and hospital gown on your skin.”

As he continued to speak, Rey found herself focusing on him instead. The deep timbre of his voice, the warmth and roughness of his hands on hers, the smell of him. Light hints of shampoo and cold air. Her heart began to slow to its normal rhythm and her body relaxed. She sighed and closed her eyes, her head falling back onto her pillows. They sat in silence for a little while, his hands still holding hers, resting on her stomach. The sound of his deep breaths, the warmth of his nearness, eventually lulled her into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly struggled editing this chapter. Originally it was taking things in a direction that felt like a dead end to me, but I think I have reworked it in a way that flows better with where I want this story to go. Guys, I'm literally winging it. I truly don't know what I am doing.   
> Comments and Kudos fuel my life and inspiration. <3  
> I am also on Twitter and Tumblr, if anyone wants to chit chat.  
> @co_rabbit_89  
> enochianlovenotesfordean


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey do some more *ahem* bonding ;)  
> Kylo comes clean about something from his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut and violence in this chapter.  
> The violence begins after "the back of the building." and pretty much goes on until the end of the chapter.

It had been two days since Kylo had taken Rey to the hospital. Two days in which he spent every spare moment with her, only being home long enough to shower and change and stopping by the bar for a couple hours each night to check on Luke. The night of the attack, the guilt had been overwhelming. Kylo was certain she would tell him to stay away from her when he took responsibility. Instead, she had told him she would take the risk. His heart had felt like it was going to burst as her words absorbed into his riotous mind. This woman, he had only known a relatively short time, was willing to risk her own safety to be in his life. His determination to keep her safe had multiplied tenfold in that moment. If his protectiveness was bad before, it had reached an entirely new level of fierce in that moment. Kylo felt an inexplicable connection to Rey, as if the universe willed them together, and he was simultaneously grateful for, and weary of, such a gift. 

“Hey, stranger,” Rey said sarcastically from the edge of her hospital bed as he walked in. She was already dressed in fresh clothes Rose had brought for her the day before and trying to slip her jacket on. Kylo frowned, moving forward to help.

“Still pretty sore, huh?”

Rey sighed. “Yeah and laying in this bed for two days hasn’t helped. My muscles feel tight.” Kylo set their coffee and tea down on the nightstand before standing in front of her and taking the jacket in his hands. She had already managed to get one arm in, and he delicately maneuvered the jacket and her arm so she could get it fully on. The movements and being so near her, he could smell her shampoo. A mild coconut scent that he inhaled deeply in disguise of a sigh. Once the jacket was on, her bright hazel eyes peered up at him through her long dark lashes and Kylo was suddenly hyper-aware of her head’s position relative to his own anatomy. Her bruises were already beginning to fade to softer tones of purple, and her cuts were closed and healing beautifully. Those things did absolutely nothing to diminish how utterly breathtaking she was to him. His mind imagined her kneeling in front of him on the bed, a devilish glint in her eye. Blood rushed simultaneously south and north, making his face heat in a deep blush as he stepped back abruptly and moved for the nightstand. 

“Got you some tea,” he said gruffly before clearing his throat and shoving the hot beverage cup under her nose. She looked at him curiously, as she reached for the cup.

“Thank you.” 

“No problem,” he replied, picking up his coffee and throwing the drink carrier in the trash. He was desperately trying to get his body under control which was proving even more difficult with her smiling at him. “Ready to go?”

“Yup. Signed my discharge papers just before you got here,” she said, rising from the bed and picking up her purse. They made their way to the parking garage, climbing into his truck and leaving the hospital grounds. 

After a few minutes, Kylo cleared his throat. “So, I hope you don’t mind but Rose helped me restock your groceries, and she brought over some premade dishes. They’re in your freezer.” Rey turned to him, blinking in surprise. He smirked slightly in return. 

“Wow, um… that’s really sweet of you guys. You know that wasn’t necessary though,” she managed to reply after a beat.

“Based on the fact that your fridge only had pickles and milk and your cupboard only had tea, bread, and peanut butter…. I would say it was very necessary,” he replied. He risked a glance in her direction. Her face was bright red, and she was staring resolutely through the windshield as if contemplating the likelihood of serious damage should she fling herself from the vehicle. “Rey, you have nothing to be embarrassed about,” he assured her, his hand leaving the steering wheel to pat her on the shoulder. “Anyway, I was going to offer to cook for you. I bought stuff to make spaghetti and meatballs, if that sounds alright?” At that moment, Rey’s stomach let off a loud growl, making her eyes go wide in surprise.

“Oh, my gods,” she groaned, slapping a hand over her mouth. Kylo laughed.

“Am I to assume spaghetti sounds good?”

“It sounds amazing,” she muttered past her hand. “Thank you.”

He chuckled. “No problem.” 

After arriving at her apartment, Kylo made himself comfortable shucking off his jacket and hanging it over a chair. “Would you like any help making dinner,” Rey asked as he pulled things from the fridge. 

“No, thank you,” he said gently, turning to her. He placed a hand on each of her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “I want you to relax. Maybe a hot bath would help with your sore muscles,” he suggested.

She sighed, “That sounds wonderful.” He smiled.

“I’ve got this, go soak.” She left the room, and he heard the bathroom door shut after a minute or two. As he set about his task of making dinner, his mind wandered. He felt ridiculously comfortable in her space, doing something as domestic as cooking for her. It was a new feeling for him, this level of contentment. Thinking of Rey, his mind inevitably drifted to his earlier imaginings of her. He knew from the toiletries Rose packed the day before, that Rey liked her lotions and creams. Kylo imagined her skin, smooth and fragrant. Running his hands over every inch of it as she writhed beneath him, whimpering and panting.

“That smells amazing.” Kylo jumped, nearly out of his skin. “Oh wow, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Rey said, chuckling as she came to stand beside him. Kylo felt his mouth run dry as he realized she was inches away from his raging hard-on.

He cleared his throat. “It’s alright, just didn’t hear you come in.” After watching for a second, Rey leaned across him to grab a slice of green pepper out of the bowl next to the stove. He caught a whiff of lavender and his cock twitched slightly. Taking in a sharp breath, he said, “It’ll be done in a few minutes if you want to grab a drink and go pick a movie.” Her face lit up and she nodded, stepping over to the fridge and opening it. Kylo watched from the corner of his eye as she leaned forward. She was wearing a t-shirt and dolphin shorts and there was so much of that tantalizing skin on display, Kylo gulped. Hold it together man, he thought to himself. Just then, the bottle of water in her hands hit the floor.

“Whoops,” she mumbled, bending over to retrieve it. Kylo’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as he got a brief glimpse of her breasts through the neckline of her shirt before she stood back up, bottle in hand. Eyes squeezed shut, he braced himself on the edge of the counter. “Ben, are you ok?”

“Yup, I’m great. Something in my eye,” he replied quickly, waving her out of the kitchen. “I’ll be there in a minute.” 

***

Rey settled in on the couch, flipping through her Netflix to look for a movie. Unable to focus on the screen, she tossed the remote aside, deciding to wait on Ben. He had been acting so weird in the kitchen. Rey gnawed at her bottom lip as her mind swirled. Did I make him uncomfortable somehow, she thought. Just then, he stepped out of the kitchen, a plate in each hand and a water bottle tucked under his arm. He had stripped off his flannel and tied it around his waist, revealing the white tank top beneath. Rey’s breath left her lungs in a whoosh as he sat down beside her, setting their plates on the coffee table. His arm and shoulder muscles on full display and flexing as he moved, made her body flush with warmth. “You pick something,” he asked as he pulled a coaster towards him for his water. After a moment of silence in which Rey was still contemplating his physique, Ben turned to look at her, an eyebrow arched.

“What,” she asked dreamily.

“A movie…” he said, motioning to the tv.

Rey gulped. Am I going to make it through a movie with this man sitting here looking more delicious than this food, she thought to herself. “Um… I was thinking something scary? You pick,” she said finally, handing him the remote. His large shoulders shrugged, and her eyes were once again studying them intently as he scrolled.

“How about Gerald’s Game?”

“Hmm?”

“Based on the Stephen King book?”

“Oh um… sure yeah. Love King.”

“Have you read the book,” he asked, glancing over his large, muscled shoulder at her.

“Um…no,” she replied sheepishly. 

“Well then this will be good.” He made the selection and set down the remote, grabbing his plate and settling back into the couch. Rey did the same, trying to keep her attention on the screen and her plate. Ben was right, the movie was good. So good in fact, she almost got distracted from the fact that Ben was sitting so close to her, that his right leg and her left, were pressed together. Almost, but not quite. 

Her whole body was homed in on that fact, but as the film continued, she became captivated by the story of Jessie and the trauma her father put her through. Rey felt her throat tighten as the scene unfolded. She had never had family, certainly not a father, but in her mind she had always envisioned fathers as the protectors of their children. In Rey’s relatively short life, she hadn’t experienced much outside of her small town. Sure, she had heard that sick stuff happened, but seeing a visual representation of something so heinous made her stomach turn and her eyes sting.

“Rey?” She jumped slightly at the sudden sound of his voice and turned her head to look at him. “Are you…” he started, clearing his throat and looking nervously at her face. “Are you crying?” Rey reached up and brushed at her cheek gently. Sure enough, her finger tips swept through tear tracks.

She chuckled, a nervous watery sound. “Um, yeah. I guess so,” she replied, looking at him awkwardly. He paused the movie and sat forward, turning his body to face her. 

“What’s wrong,” he asked gently as his hands reached for hers. “Are you in pain?” She shook her head. 

“I was just thinking about how awful that is.” She motioned to the tv with a nod of her head. “I know I’m being silly,” she said, pulling a hand from his grip and wiping at the wetness on her cheeks again.

“I didn’t say that, or think it,” he replied sternly. Her eyes darted to his face, taken back by his tone. Under her gaze, his features softened. “Listen, I get it.” She felt her face pull into a look of skepticism. 

“To think that a parent would do something so disgusting and harmful to their child…. I get it.” He paused then, his eyes drifting off to the window behind her. “You’d be sick if you knew the things people will do,” he nearly whispered. His eyes found hers again and she was shaken by the haunted look of them. They sat in silence for a little while, studying each other. His thumb rubbed small, soft circles on the back of the hand he was still gripping, and she found it soothing. A wave of exhaustion swept over her and she sighed deeply.

“Ben?” Her voice was small to her own ears. He tilted his head slightly, waiting for her to continue. “I think I’m ready for bed.” He nodded his understanding and moved to get up, grabbing their empty plates as he went. She watched as he disappeared into the kitchen and a moment later, she heard the water in the sink running. After a couple minutes, he stepped back out into the dining area tugging the flannel from his waist and slipping it on.

“The dishes are all done and in the drying rack,” he said as he reached for his coat. Rey’s stomach dropped suddenly as she realized he was about to leave. Without thinking she shot up off the couch, her body protesting with waves of aching, and moved forward stopping inches from him.

“Ben.” He stopped, coat in hand. “I…” She hesitated. Is it completely insane wanting him to stay, she asked herself. “If you don’t mind,” she started again, “I was actually hoping you would stay tonight.” The surprise that swept over his face made her blush as she realized suddenly how that request sounded. “I just… I thought I would be ok alone.” She stopped, searching his unusually colored, yet beautiful, eyes. The haunted look from earlier was gone, and in its place was a tenderness she had never seen before. It took her breath away. One of his large hands came up to cup her cheek and she instinctively pushed into his palm, enjoying the warmth of his touch.

“Of course, I’ll stay, if that’s what you want,” he said softly. After replacing his coat on the chair back, he turned to her, suddenly looking embarrassed. “I uh…. You wouldn’t happen to have a spare toothbrush I could use?”

“Yes, I do,” she said. Stepping around him, she headed to the bathroom with him on her heels. She opened a drawer, handing him a toothbrush still in its package. “I’ll leave you to it then.” As he freshened up in the bathroom, Rey rifled through her closet, remembering that she had some men’s pajama pants he might fit into. “Ah ha,” she said triumphantly as she found the pants and yanked them free.

“Found something?” Ben’s big form hovered in her doorway.

“I did. Here’s some pants you can use. I hope they fit,” she said, handing the bundle of fabric to him. An eyebrow shot up his forehead, doubt written plainly on his face. “They’re men’s,” she clarified, motioning to the pants clutched to his stomach. The eyebrow remained arched, but doubt was replaced by curiosity. “Oh well… I bought them for my fat days,” she said with an embarrassed shrug. He snorted and shook his head. “Anyway, you can change in here while I brush my teeth and stuff,” she said as she stepped around him back into the hallway. Once in the bathroom and going about her nightly routine of brushing teeth, flossing and washing her face, Rey’s mind wandered to the thought of him in her bedroom and she had a mini moment of panic when she couldn’t remember if there had been anything private laying around. She finished quickly, rushing back to her room to find he had changed already and was standing just inside the door with his flannel shirt and jeans folded and clutched to his chest. “You didn’t have to wait for me,” Rey said absentmindedly as she darted around him and scanned her room. When she didn’t find anything embarrassing laying out, she turned to look at him.

“You want me to sleep in here?” His face looked tight and Rey hesitated for a moment, not having even considered that he would have a problem with that.

“I mean, if you want….”

“I just assumed you would want me on the couch,” he said, glancing toward the living room. 

“If either of us is sleeping on the couch, it’ll be me,” she said quickly. “That couch is too small and narrow for a man your size,” she continued when he looked like he was going to argue.

“I’ve slept in far worse accommodations,” he muttered.

“Yes, well. You’re not in the military anymore.” They stood staring at each other, waiting for one or the other to back down.

“You’re not sleeping on the couch. This is your house.”

“And you’re not sleeping on the couch. Since this is my house, my rules,” she replied with a small smile.

“Then I guess we’re sharing the bed.”

“Fine with me.” Thank gods I have a queen-sized bed, Rey thought as she pulled the covers down. She climbed in, clicking the bedside lamp off as she went, and laid on her back as close to the edge as was comfortable. From the corner of her eye, she watched Ben lay his folded clothes down on the small tufted bench at the foot of her bed and move to climb in beside her. Rey’s heart was pounding in her chest. She had never slept next to anyone and yet she hadn’t even thought twice about Ben sleeping next to her until that moment. As they lay side by side staring at the ceiling, Rey became hyper-aware again of his proximity to her. She could feel the heat pouring off of him and she resisted the urge to wiggle closer to the warmth, instead tugging the comforter up to her chin and snuggling down further beneath the covers. She listened to his breathing as it became deep and slow and cleared her mind, soon slipping into sleep.

***

Kylo’s mind was going at light speed through all the reasons why this was a bad idea. But while his mind screamed logical protests, his body put up valid counterarguments. Rey had gently drifted off to sleep almost immediately as Kylo lay staring at the ceiling and trying to keep to his side of the bed. Once her breathing evened out and it was clear she was very much asleep, he relaxed slightly, allowing his arm to rest gently against hers. He was surrounded by her smell and her things. She was right there next to him, warm and soft. It was all a bit much for his poor, neglected libido. Kylo turned his head slightly to look at her. In the near pitch darkness, he could make out the outline of her profile and he wanted desperately to reach over and run his fingertips along the soft curve of her cheek. Very gently and slowly, Kylo rolled himself over onto his side, facing her. Her head rolled in his direction and she began to snore softly. Kylo had to suppress a chuckle at the cute sound. After what felt like an eternity, his eyelids began to feel heavy and he allowed himself to slip off to sleep.

Rey was laid out on her bed with only a thin sheet covering her otherwise completely naked body. The sun seeping in along the edges of her curtains splashed a beam of warm light across her face as Kylo stood at the foot of the bed watching her chest rise and fall slowly. As he watched, her eyes began to open, the sunlight catching the golden flecks in her irises. Kylo felt his breath catch as her eyes moved to him. A small smile pulled at her lips and she wriggled beneath the covers to stretch, making the sheet shift. A long, tan leg slipped out from beneath the sheet, exposing all of the skin from hip to toes and Kylo swallowed thickly. “Rey,” he muttered, unable to pull his eyes from her. It was an unspoken question that she somehow understood because she nodded at him as she raised her arms above her head to rest on the pillows. Kylo bent down and gripped the sheet, slowly drawing it down her body. Her small, pert breasts and rosy nipples came into view first, making Kylo’s mouth go suddenly very dry. He continued to tug at the sheet, exposing her flat, toned stomach and narrow waist. Then came a small neat patch of brown hair and upper thighs. Kylo could feel his heart pounding in his scalp, chest, and cock. The thought that he might have a heart attack flitted through his awareness briefly before he shook it off and assured himself it would be worth it if he did. The sheet was finally completely off the bed and Kylo looked down to realize he was already naked, his cock ridiculously hard. He knelt down on the bed, crawling up her body carefully and slowly, taking in the spectacular view of her freckled, golden skin. He felt her shift, a hand pass through his hair and clutch a handful at the nape of his neck. She was looking at him with so much need in her eyes and written all over her face, he trembled. She tugged his head to her breast, and he knew what she wanted. He wrapped his lips around her nipple, swirling the tip of his tongue around the hardened nub. She arched beneath him, her stomach pressing to his chest. Her legs were then hooked over his hips, heels pressed into his ass cheeks urging him up her body. It was suddenly a flurry of lips and teeth and tongue. Hands everywhere, and his cock rubbing against her hot, wet center. He wanted so badly to reach down and slip his cock past her folds, to feel her tight heat around him. His lips were on her neck, nibbling and licking. 

“Ben,” she panted beneath him. Some part of his brain kicked in then, screaming at him to remember something or notice something. His vision went fuzzy and it felt like his body was in quicksand that he was struggling to escape from. His eyes snapped open suddenly to Rey’s darkened bedroom. It was still night, and he was laying on his side like he had been when he fell asleep, except there was a marked difference: warmth pressed to his front. Rey’s backside was pressed firmly to his front and as this information settled into his sleep-addled brain, he heard Rey’s voice. “Ben,” she moaned breathily. In that moment, his brain registered further information, in the form of Rey’s firm, round ass grinding his throbbing hard cock into his belly. Kylo shivered, the feeling incredible and also at odds with his racing mind.

Is she awake- should I move away from her- what do I do, he screamed internally. Rey moved again, her ass grinding back against him again and without further thought, his hand shot up and gripped her hip, gently but firmly to still further movement. His hormones screamed in protest, begging him to please just rock his hips for friction. In the stillness, Kylo listened to Rey’s soft panting and sighs, which did nothing to help his conflicted mind. Suddenly, Rey was rolling over onto her back, her head rolling in his direction and eyes fluttering open. 

“Please,” she mumbled, her hand coming up to his face. He intercepted it with his own, holding it and examining her face. 

“Rey are you awake,” he asked gently.

“Yes.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ben, please touch me. I just need to be touched,” she mumbled, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder pressed into the pillows. Kylo slowly brought her hand up to his mouth and began to press gentle kisses to the backs of her fingers. She sighed contentedly, snuggling further into his body. His hand released hers and cupped her cheek, which she nuzzled further into the palm of his hand. He leaned down and brought his lips to hers, gently at first. Her lips were soft, and she still smelled wonderful from her bath. He shifted to kiss her deeper, his tongue nudging at her lips seeking entrance. She opened almost immediately. Her tongue met his hesitantly at first, then with more confidence as they explored each other’s mouths. Emotions swept through his body in a heady rush. Euphoria, doubt, relief, sadness. It was heavenly though, her mouth on his and every swipe of tongue and nip of teeth sent pulses of need directly to his cock. Kylo felt his body flush with warmth. He was perfectly content to lose himself to the bliss of her mouth, but Rey clearly had other plans. 

She grabbed the hand cupping her face and slid it down her body, over her collarbone, between her breasts and down across her stomach to the waistband of her shorts. Kylo pulled away from her mouth, searching her face again. She nodded, her bottom lip drawn between her teeth and he wished he could turn a light on, to see her better. Kylo took a deep breath, his head dizzy with how surreal it all felt, but he complied, sliding his fingertips beneath the elastic band. His cock twitched when he realized she hadn’t worn underwear under her shorts, sitting next to him on the couch with only a thin layer of fabric between him and her most sensitive parts. His fingertips moved gently through the short tight curls of her mound before moving to her folds. Rey’s breath caught and she let out a small whimper causing Kylo to bite back a groan. She was going to undo him with her reactions alone, Kylo had never been so turned on in his life. He gently parted her, dragging a fingertip through her slick, hot center. “Fuck, you’re so wet,” he ground out, more harshly than he intended because he was holding onto his sanity by a small thread. The lewd sounds coming from his finger dragging through her doing nothing for his control.

“Please,” she panted, her head pressed back into the pillows. Kylo gritted his teeth and took deep breaths, willing his cock to behave. He then took the same fingertip and teased gently at her entrance before pressing slowly forward. Rey let out a long, low moan as his finger slid deeper into her.

Kylo hissed. She’s so fucking tight, his mind supplied unhelpfully. He pumped his finger in and out in long strokes allowing her to adjust, occasionally curling it to stroke over the sensitive spot inside. The room suddenly felt unbearably hot and Kylo stopped, pulling away from her to throw the covers off of them and readjust his position to sitting on his knees beside her so his wrist wouldn’t ache. Rey whimpered. “Shhh,” he soothed, “I’m coming back to you, don’t worry.” He motioned to her shorts, “May I?”

“Yes,” she panted out, her eyes barely open as she watched him grasp her shorts and tug them down and off. Kylo wished again that there was more light so he could see her in all her glory, but for now he would give her what she wanted. His fingers found her hot center again, and Rey’s legs instinctively fell open further, her knees bending to firmly plant her feet into the mattress. He resumed his previous ministrations and rejoiced in watching her writhe next to him. After a minute, one of her hands snaked down her body to join his as she began to rub small tight circles around her clit.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his body now absolutely rioting that it was all too much. Kylo’s free hand grasped at his erection through his pants, desperately trying to relieve the ache. Rey’s breathing became heavier and her body was twitching slightly here and there as she squirmed. Kylo felt the walls of her sex flutter and he knew she was getting hit with the first waves of an orgasm. Abandoning his cock, Kylo’s free hand splayed across the uncovered skin of her stomach just below the hem of her shirt. He slid it up beneath the fabric and grasped her breast in his palm, feeling the taut bud press into his hand. He began to tease her nipple with gently tugs and flicks.

“Shit,” Rey hissed, her body going tense as it prepared for release. Kylo felt her clamp down on his finger, trying to force it out, but he kept up his attentions, only slowing slightly to let her ride out her orgasm. Her hips bucked and the circles she had been rubbing into her clit stuttered, becoming sloppy as her orgasm crashed over her. Kylo watched her intently, captivated by the way her neck arched as her head pressed back into the pillow and the way her chest was thrust into the air as her back arched off the bed, grinding her sex harder down onto his hand. By the time the tremors subsided, and her body relaxed, Kylo felt like he was going to explode. He slowly withdrew his finger from her making her shudder and crawled up the bed to lay beside her on his back. “Ben,” she said gently.

“Yes, Rey.”

“Your turn.”

***

Rey had awoken to a welcoming warmth at her back, her groggy mind purring at the sensation. She lay for a moment, feeling Ben’s chest rise and fall against her as his hot breath puffed into the back of her hair. She sighed contentedly, carefully snuggling closer to him preparing to fall back asleep when she heard him. “Rey,” he moaned quietly. Rey sucked in a breath, her heart thumping against her ribcage as she stilled. Suddenly, she felt a firm pressure at her lower back as his hips began to rock slightly, pressing himself into her. A small moan slipped from her then. She wasn’t sure if he was asleep and dreaming of her, or if he was awake and just being very forward suddenly, but her body flushed with arousal. 

“Ben,” she whimpered, tentatively pressing herself back into him. He ground into her harder, his breath coming out in harsh breaths and Rey bit down on her lip. She could feel her slick arousal gathering between her thighs and she had to fight the urge to reach down and touch herself. Instead, Rey ground herself back into him harder, relishing in the noises he was making. “Ben,” she moaned, continuing to grind back against him. She felt Ben shiver behind her and after another moment, she felt his large hand come up to her hip, gripping it firmly and stilling her movement. Rey rolled over onto her back, opening her eyes to take in the dark shape of his face. 

“Please,” she mumbled, bringing her hand up to cup his face. 

He grabbed it with his own and whispered, “Rey are you awake?”

“Yes,” she replied gently. Her mind was reeling and her body screaming, she needed him more desperately than she had ever needed anything. 

“What’s wrong,” he asked gently.

“Ben, please touch me. I just need to be touched,” she mumbled, burying her face in the crook of his shoulder to inhale his scent. 

Twenty minutes later, they laid side by side out of breath and sweaty. 

After Ben had given her what she wanted, Rey had immediately wanted to reciprocate, crawling down the bed to act out her first fantasy of taking him in her mouth. She had gingerly pulled at the waist band of his pants and underwear, easing the material down over his swollen length as he lifted his hips to assist her. She’d nearly choked on her breath as she took in the true size of him. Though she’d expected him to be proportionate, expecting and seeing were two vastly different things. It had taken her some time to ease herself into taking him as fully as she could. His length and girth making her gag reflex kick in and her jaw scream in protest, but as he came on her tongue, one hand fisted into her hair and head thrown back into the pillow, she hummed happily, swallowing it all down.

Rey sighed, pushing the strands clinging to her damp forehead back, and turned her head to look at Ben. His eyes were glued to the ceiling, a look of concern dominating his features. She cleared her throat. “Ben,” she said hesitantly, her voice somewhat hoarse. He turned his head to her then, his gaze not falling on her but on a point just past her ear. Rey frowned. “Ben, what’s wrong?” Her mind was racing, spiraling into worry that he was regretting what they had just done.

His eyes finally shifted to her face, their shadowed depths surely trying to convey something she just couldn’t grasp. She sat up, propping herself up on an elbow as she turned her body to his, her free hand coming up to caress his cheek gently. He took a deep breath, his eyelids closing as he did so. Rey studied his face, a crease between his eyebrows forming as his lips tightened into a thin line. “Rey,” he started quietly. She waited, barely breathing and his eyes opened again, locked on hers with an intensity and a sadness she’d never seen in him before. Her mind started racing. Perhaps she was imagining it. The room was dark, the only light being ambient from electronics around the room. “I….” he hesitated, his mouth pinching again for a moment. “We need to have that talk now… I think.” He cleared his throat nervously. “Before whatever this,” he motioned between them vaguely with his hand, “is, goes any further.” The warm blissful glow that had enveloped her earlier, came crashing down around her in a rush of cold that made a chill run up her spine.

She felt herself nodding, like a stupid bobblehead doll, as he pulled himself up into a sitting position, his back against the wall. Rey mimicked his posture. Ben turned his head toward her again, an eyebrow quirked in question. “I’m good,” Rey croaked, suddenly wishing she had a glass of water. 

 

***

 

Rey looked disappointed and Kylo couldn’t really blame her. He’d just taken a spectacularly large shit on what should have been beautiful, peaceful afterglow. As he had laid there, body buzzing with satisfaction, a small malicious voice in his head had spoken up, whispering to him that he was a liar and a user. That assertion had killed his high immediately.

“Rey, look…” he began with a deep sigh, “There are things about my past that I need to clarify.” He was silent for a minute, trying to organize his thoughts, before he began. “I guess I should start at the beginning. Since I was a kid, I’ve had this…. Anger in me. Maybe it was the absent parents, maybe it’s genetic, or maybe I’m just defective,” he said with a sigh. He felt Rey’s hand grasp his, probably in an attempt to assure him that wasn’t true. “Back then, my parents didn’t know how to handle me. I was getting into fights at school, I destroyed my room, more than once. There was so much rage in me, and all I wanted was to talk to my parents about it, but instead of listening to me, they sent me off to counselors or signed me up for sports.”

“Oh Ben,” Rey said gently as she scooched closer to him, still gripping his hand. He couldn’t look at her, sure that he would see pity all over her face.

“Anyway, when I was in high school, my uncle Luke got in my mom’s ear and convinced her that military school would be the best option for me. He had done a short stint in the military when he was young and swore up and down it had changed his life.” Rey sat forward then, causing him to pause.

“What did Han have to say about this,” she asked, turning her body to sit cross-legged beside him, facing him; it was a comforting gesture. Kylo huffed, an entirely mirthless sound, even to his own ears.

“I heard them arguing about it once after I went to bed, so I suppose he had objections, but in the end I was shipped off. I was so angry at Luke for getting into my mom’s head. For a long time, I’ve blamed him and his suggestion for the direction my life took. Being home though, being around Luke and Mom… I’ve started to let go of a lot of that anger.”

“Weren’t you angry at your father too?”

“My anger for my father was a constant, unwavering thing… at least, until he died.” A sudden wave of sadness washed over Kylo. He hadn’t properly mourned his father; had pushed it away and rationalized it. Han had told him stories of his life, and young Kylo had understood that his father lived hard and fast. Reckless might as well have been Han’s middle name, so when he’d gotten the call that Han had passed suddenly of heart failure, surprise was not his reaction. Kylo had no reaction, until now. His breath hitched in his throat, eyes burning with rapidly gathering tears. He wasn’t ready to deal with the pain he felt forming in his chest, so he forced it back down with every bit of his willpower and resolved to deal with it later. 

“Anyway,” he began again, clearing his throat and brushing at his eyes quickly to conceal the tears from Rey, “During my last year in the academy, this big wig started visiting on a regular basis. He introduced himself as Snoke and told me he was a private contractor of sorts. He was impressed by me and how I had excelled and wanted me to consider joining his group when I graduated. Promised me I would make four times more than I would if I joined, I would get to travel and be in charge of my own division, answering only to him.” Kylo remembered his chats with Snoke. The man, although a bit scary in his gaunt and scarred appearance, had seemed to genuinely care for Kylo and for the first time the young, naïve child he had felt wanted. Despite the promises Snoke had made, the sincerity with which he had asked the lonely cast-off child to join him, was really all it took. He shook his head, casting off the emotions these memories evoked. This was no time for details, he needed to get the facts out.

“Ben.” Her voice was gentle, warm but cautious and he realized he had slumped forward, head in his hands. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he replied as he took another deep breath and leaned back against the wall. His eyes swept her face briefly. The sun was beginning its dawn ascent and errant rays crept around her curtain’s edge, slowly brightening the room. Her face looked calm except for the small crease between her eyebrows that betrayed her worry. He sighed, knowing that soon her beautiful face would either be streaked with tears or twisted in anger. Perhaps both.

***

Rey’s eyes were focused on her hands clasped in her lap as she contemplated what he had told her so far. He painted the picture of a lonely boy thrown into a life he hadn’t wanted and a stranger offering him a place to belong. Her heart ached for young Ben. She understood his loneliness, having lived with it herself. She looked up then, realizing he had fallen silent, to find him slumped forward with his head in his hands. “Ben, are you alright?”

He looked up at her, his face smoothing into a mask of indifference as he resumed his position against the wall. “I’m fine.” His eyes trained on her for a moment before he continued. “So, time went on, I joined his organization right out of the academy and spent a couple years in training with a small group. We were The Knights of Ren…”

As he spoke, her body had broken out in goosebumps, the fine hairs on her arms and the back of her neck standing at attention as a memory flashed across her mind. “And you were Kylo Ren, Master of The Knights of Ren…” Rey interrupted. The air in the room felt heavy with tension and she risked a glance at his face. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his jaw clenched, and eyebrows drawn together. He looked to be struggling with something internally for a moment before he took a deep breath.

“Hux,” he said. Although it wasn’t a question, she nodded in response, unsure of what else to do under his intense gaze. “Yes, I was. We were an elite team specializing in breaking up drug cartels, human-trafficking operations, weapons running… all over the world. We were the good guys. At least that’s what I thought.” He stopped then; his eyes drifting closed as his head tilted back to rest against the wall. Rey just sat in silence and waited for him to continue, studying his features as she did so.

***

Kylo was drawn back into a vivid memory. A night that haunted his sleeping and waking hours alike. The Knights had been sent to India on a call to bust a huge human-trafficking operation. After spending several weeks gathering intel and tracking key players, the team raided the compound one hot June night at the beginning of monsoon season. 

The scene was one he’d witnessed dozens of times before. Women and girls, even a few boys, kept in small, dank rooms where thin, grungy bedrolls were scattered about on the floors. Some of the victims were passed out, probably from drugs to keep them docile, the rest covered in bruises and lacerations, abuse being the other method of subduing them. His team had split up into three teams, Kylo himself paired up with Exar Ren. They had cleared the rooms on all three levels and were escorting victims out into transport vehicles when Kylo, on his final sweep of the compound, came across a shut and locked door on the ground floor level at the back of the building. 

A sick feeling settled in his gut as he stood considering the door. His intuition told him that something very, very wrong was happening beyond it. Without another thought, Kylo had begun kicking the door like a man possessed, the sole of his boot hitting flat against the door and sending sharp vibrations up his leg until it finally gave way, exploding into the room with a small shower of splinters. As some of the lock hardware bounced into the room and across the floor, he stepped in carefully, his gun raised and at the ready. It had begun to pour rain outside and the comms in his ear crackled on as Exar relayed that there was concern of flooding and they needed to get out soon. Kylo pressed on into what appeared to be a large storage room. There were large metal shelves stockpiled with unmarked crates obscuring his view into the room, and as Kylo made his way through them he began to hear muffled sobbing and grunting. His grip tightened on his weapon as his palms began to sweat profusely beneath his tactical gloves and his pulse started thundering through his body. He had been on a lot of missions and faced a lot of dangers during his time with The Knights, but something about this felt different and his whole body was responding to what his gut what screaming at him.

Coming to the end of a row of shelves, he swung his weapon around and immediately focussed on a target. His mind took a moment to process what he was witnessing, and when it did his stomach rolled causing him to flinch with the urge to double over and release its contents onto the floor. There was a large, rusty metal workbench against the wall and bent over it was a woman. Her long skirt was thrown up over her back, and her hands were gripping handfuls of her dark disheveled hair as she pressed her forehead into the surface of the table. Behind her was one his Knights, Tyranus Ren, his pants down around his ankles and his assault rifle slung over his back, the muzzle, barrel, and foregrip hanging over the exposed crack of his ass as he pounded into the woman with brutal thrusts, completely oblivious of Kylo’s presence. 

The woman let out another sob and before Kylo could react, Tyranus had reached forward and grabbed a handful of her hair, yanking her head back and bowing her at a horrible angle. She was crying intensely now, tears rolling down her face in streams as he clapped his other hand over her mouth and continued his thrusts. 

The beast in Kylo’s chest unfurled, pushing waves of hot, molten rage through his body. He had never felt anger and violence like this before that day and as his vision blurred at the edges and his breath came out in a roar, Kylo threw his gun to the ground, determined to kill the bastard with his own two hands, and charged him. Tyranus had managed to push the woman away from him to the floor just before Kylo made contact, tackling him into the table. The man scrabbled around, desperately trying to get away from Kylo enough to reach his weapon, but Kylo was having none of it. He grabbed a handful of the bastard’s hair and began to slam his skull into the hard metal of the table over and over and over again. Tyranus’ nose and right cheekbone were clearly broken, blood everywhere. He released the man’s hair, causing him to drop to the floor on his bare knees, his hands clutched to his face to stem to flow of blood. Stepping around him, Kylo kicked the man as he had the door, slamming him forward to the floor. Tyranus let out a howl of agony, only fueling Kylo’s rage further. He knelt down on his comrade’s back, pinning him to the floor as he yanked off his belt and looped it around the man’s neck. With his knee pressing downward and his arms pulling up on the ends of the belt, Kylo’s eyes locked with the woman still sitting on the floor only feet away. Tyranus was squirming beneath him, his hands clawing at the leather belt as he gurgled and wheezed, and the woman’s dark eyes flicked briefly to his face before returning to Kylo’s gaze. There was a vicious look of pleasure seeping into her features that made the beast purr in satisfaction. Just then, the sound of feet running across the floor filled the room and the remaining four Knights came around the shelving, weapons up. 

“Wait,” Exar Ren said, his voice distorted through his tactical helmet. He had stepped to the front of the pack, one hand up to his comrades in a halting gesture. “Alema,” he said to the female Knight as he jerked his head in the direction of the woman. Alema tucked her handgun back in its holster and knelt next to the woman, speaking to her in hushed tones. Kylo’s eyes snapped to Exar. “Kylo, I need you to let Tyranus go.” 

Kylo growled and yanked on the belt, eliciting a weak gurgle from Tyranus. “He deserves to die for what he’s done. Just like the filthy pigs trafficking these people died for what they did.”

Exar removed his helmet, his pale green eyes locking with Kylo’s, and he sighed. “Kylo, you cannot kill a Knight. This needs to be handled through the proper channels, and logically you know that.” 

Kylo snorted in derision. “How is killing him any different than killing them,” he asked with a jerk of his head to indicate the people they’d killed earlier.

“He is a Knight of Ren and the property of The First Order and Snoke,” Exar said calmly, stepping toward Kylo slowly. “Think of the consequences to you if you do this, Kylo. Do no throw your life away because of this man.” His face was pleading and Kylo contemplated his friend for a moment before releasing his grip on the belt and standing up. As he stepped away, the other three knights rushed forward and gathered Tyranus up, putting his clothes to right before carrying his unconscious form out of the room to tend to his medical needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever for me to come back to. I got injured at work at the beginning of May which made it hard to use my right hand, and from there it was a matter of my mental health was in the toilet and I had no motivation to work on anything creative. Half-finished wall murals, this story, an-almost-finished-but-not-quite cross stitch sitting in my living room.... honestly it's been bad. But I've been taking steps to work myself out of this depressive funk and here we are. I can only hope I can knock out the rest of this at a reasonable rate. Fingers crossed. Thank you to anyone who is still around <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo continues to reveal his past and Rey has a reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot Plot Plot  
> Angst Angst Angst  
> Mind the tags, as usual. This chapter is quite a bit shorter than my other chapters, but it felt heavy af to write.

“I decided to let him live, no matter how much it pained me to do so. Exar had been right. I would be throwing my life away, and I selfishly wasn’t ready to do that. At least, not at the time,” Ben was saying, his voice hoarse from speaking so much. Rey exhaled a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding, and at the sound Ben’s eyes snapped to her suddenly as if he had forgotten she was there. He looked dazed and exhausted. She reached out and gently rubbed his forearm nearest her.

“It isn’t selfish to want to protect yourself, Ben. It’s instinct,” Rey said gently. He puffed out a breath, ruffling a hand through his hair.

“Perhaps, but it doesn’t excuse my choice as far as I’m concerned.” Rey sighed. She knew there would be no changing his feelings on the matter, that was up to him.

“Before you go on defending me,” he said, “there’s more to the story. After the mission was over, we returned to our base of operations. I immediately asked for a meeting with Snoke, as I needed to know what he was intending to do with Tyranus. Snoke sat me down and told me to recount what had happened, so I did. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the reaction I’d expected him to have. Instead of outrage, it was like he was debating on how to handle my emotions. Rey, he told me that he knew about Tyranus’ ‘proclivities’ and had it well under control,” Ben explained with disgust written all over his face. Rey felt the bile in her stomach rise at the implication, and she swallowed to keep it down. 

“Are you saying, Tyranus had a history of doing this, and Snoke knew,” she said evenly, trying desperately not to use any inflection that could sound accusatory. Ben’s face, unbelievably, darkened further.

“Yes, that is what he was telling me. I was furious all over again. How could he allow that? Not just once, but repeatedly? He tried to calm me, reason with me. He told me that all of the knights dabbled in different areas of profit, except for me. He’d assumed I knew the deal and had simply chosen not to partake. I couldn’t listen to anymore; I left his office and went looking for Exar. I found him in the training room alone and confronted him. Snoke was telling me the truth. My knights were profiting from selling weapons, drugs, people. Just enough here and there to pocket extra money while the rest was turned over to local governments. Exar admitted that he dealt exclusively with weapons, while the rest of the knights dabbled in both weapons and drugs. He assured me that Tyranus was the only one touching the human trade and going so far as to sample the product personally. I was blindsided. These people I thought of as my family had been lying to me for years. Exar explained that once he had gotten to know me, he knew I wouldn’t agree with what they were doing, so he thought it best I was left out of the loop. I was so blindly trusting of these people. I thought we were doing good, but it was a fucking act, and they had been using me as a weapon for their own gains.” Ben’s body was practically vibrating with anger.

“Is that when you left?”

He shook his head, deflating slightly at the question. “I couldn’t. I tried, but I had signed a contract that turned out was airtight. I couldn’t leave before my time was up or Snoke released me and I had signed an NDA that prevented me from speaking of the inner workings of the organization. And as Snoke loved to point out, I couldn’t prove anything should I decide to risk it. I was stuck, Rey. Unless I wanted to implode my entire life and ruin my family. I knew that Snoke would cover his tracks, and if I blew the whistle, it would all come to nothing. So, there I was, stuck with these people who had betrayed me, and I isolated myself as much as possible. The self-loathing, the loneliness, the knowledge that every mission we went on was further filling their pockets with blood money… hell, filling my pockets too…. I began to spiral. One night we were on a weapons-related mission in the middle east. The insurgents were pelting us with explosives, and at one point, a grenade landed nearby, missing our cover. Rey, I….” Here he paused, clearly struggling.

Rey held her breath and her head swam as the skin on her neck tightened and she felt an ominous chill sweep down her spine. Whatever he was about to say was going to be awful, she knew it.

“I… stepped out from behind the cover and walked right up to it without even really thinking. I just wanted out, and if that meant…. From life… then that was a price I was willing to pay.”

Her heart stuttered in her chest at his words and she felt her eyes fill with tears, threatening to run down her face. “Oh Ben,” she said in a watery voice as she reached out and placed her hand gently on his head. His dark hair, though slightly disheveled, was soft beneath her fingers and she stroked gently to soothe him. His dark eyes rose to her face. They too, were glassy with unshed tears, and his jaw was clenched in that way that made his lips pout slightly. Rey was in agony just watching him relive the pain. “You don’t have to be ashamed of that,” she said as she continued to stroke his hair, “You felt hopeless, and trapped.” They sat for a while in silence as Rey continued to soothe him, her fingers eventually travelling down to his face and softly tracing the scar that began just above his eyebrow. “Is that where this came from,” she asked gently.

He nodded. “The shrapnel from the blast. It was mostly superficial, didn’t even need rehab. I was so fucked up mentally, though, that Snoke eventually released me from my contract. I thought I was finally free, as it turns out, not so much.”

Rey cocked her head to the side, ready to follow that thread when Ben cleared his throat and continued.

“Anyway, I travelled a little bit, desperately trying to heal from the trauma of everything. I avoided coming home and eventually ended up in New York City. I used a small chunk of the money I got working for Snoke to get a tiny studio apartment, and I donated the rest to charities. It was the least I could do, considering. I found odd jobs to support myself, went to therapy once a week, and mostly just hid in my apartment drinking myself into oblivion.” 

His eyes darted to her then, and she suspected he was looking to see how disgusted she was, but she had kept her face carefully blank. She wasn’t disgusted, but she knew pity wasn’t something he would want to see either. “Ben,” she said carefully, “Your parents could have helped you.”

He shook his head. “I know that now, and I regret pushing them away. My dad even came to the city at one point and found me.” 

“He did? What happened,” Rey asked in surprise.

“It was kind of late and I had been drinking. I don’t remember a whole lot, honestly. I remember opening the door and thinking I had to be dreaming. From there it’s more of a blur. We spoke for a while and things were ok, but then I remember being angry and we started yelling back and forth. The only thing I remember very clearly, was telling him that it was too late for him to start being my dad. Rey, the pain on his face as I said it…” Ben faltered here, the dam finally breaking as tears streaked rapidly down his cheeks. “Fuck I was horrible, and it was the last thing I ever said to him,” he sobbed as he buried his face in his hands.

“Oh my,” Rey breathed as the wind was knocked from her lungs. She hadn’t expected that at all and was surprised by the depth of Ben’s viciousness toward his father. Despite that, her heart ached for him, and Han. She couldn’t imagine the pain Han had felt in that moment. 

Ben took a deep breath. “I got a letter in my mailbox a week later, from Dad,” he said through his hands. Though the sobs had subsided, his voice was tight as though he was trying to hold back another wave of them. Rey rubbed small circles into his back and kept silent so he could continue. Instead, he leaned forward on the bed and reached out one long arm to snatch his wallet from his pile of clothes on her bench. Opening the wallet, he pulled out a very worn piece of folded paper and handed it to her, his eyes cast downward. The paper had clearly been unfolded and refolded many times, and Rey delicately opened it. The handwriting could be categorized as a scrawl, with every letter capitalized and the swipes of the pen clearly made in haste.

“May I read it out loud,” she asked, glancing at him. Ben nodded.

 

****

 

“Dear Ben,” Rey began to read. Her voice cracked with emotion and Kylo instantly regretted letting her read it aloud. Despite the fact that he knew it word for word at this point, he was guaranteed to start crying again. “The last time we spoke, I know you weren’t yourself, but you were right. It is too late for me to start being a father, and you can’t begin to imagine how much I regret that. Regardless, I’m going to try. I can never know what exactly happened to you over there, but I know enough, and I forgive you for whatever it is you blame yourself for. I love you, Ben. I always have, and always will. When you’re ready, your mother and I are here for you. Come home, Ben. Love, Dad.”

Rey carefully folded the letter and handed it back to him. There were tears crawling down her cheeks and she swiped a hand across them as her chin quivered. Kylo reached up and did the same for himself, wiping away tears that had begun their descent halfway through the short letter. Rey didn’t say anything, she just leaned forward and threw her arms around his neck. Kylo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, breathing in the warm, comforting scent of Rey. Her face was buried in his neck and he felt her breath puff against his skin as she cried quietly. Kylo held her, not ready to let go. They stayed that way for some time, and when the tears finally dried, Rey moved to release her hold on him. Reluctantly, he let her go. 

“I could use a hot cup of tea,” she said in a small voice as she dabbed at her face with the neckline of her shirt. Kylo only nodded, not confident in his ability to speak. They quietly made their way into the kitchen, moving around each other to grab mugs and tea, Rey putting on the kettle while Kylo grabbed the milk and sugar. Once they were seated at the table, Rey finally broke the silence. “Um, Ben,” she started before hesitating.

“Yes?”

“I was just wondering, you said earlier something about not being as free as you thought.” He nodded as his eyes watched a bubble on the surface of his tea. “Does that have anything to do with what you said the other day, at the hospital, about Hux?” Sighing, Kylo continued to watch the bubble. He remembered the day Hux walked into The Cantina. The anger and fear he had felt as his past had waltzed right into his present and cast a dark shadow on his future. A future he had only recently felt optimistic about.

He cleared his throat, finally glancing up at her as he did so. “Yes,” he said, holding her eye contact. Her brow creased.

“Why? I know you two worked together, for Snoke, but it makes no sense for him to follow you here.”

“I was told Snoke was keeping an eye on me. Hux here, someone else in New York, probably someone else when I was travelling. Protecting Snoke’s interests. The only thing I can figure, is that people who work for Snoke usually partake in some of the side profits, so he has leverage. He has nothing on me, I guess.”

“So, if Snoke sent Hux here to make sure you don’t tell anyone about what happened, why are you telling me now,” Rey asked, her voice rising slightly. “You told me the other day that I was in danger because I was in your life, and now you’re putting me in more danger by telling me this stuff?” Her eyes were filled with worry and Kylo immediately wanted to soothe her. He reached across the table and gently took one of her hands in his.

“Rey, I’m not putting you in danger. Hux is no longer a factor, and I’ve already checked your apartment for surveillance equipment, it’s clean. Hux got sloppy.” There was a long silence in which Kylo watched emotions flicker across Rey’s face.

“Ben, why is Hux no longer a factor?” Kylo sucked in a sharp breath and held it. She’s been forgiving so far maybe she will understand, he thought to himself as he finally exhaled.

“The night you were attacked, after I took you to the hospital, I went to his house and had a talk with him,” he replied carefully. Rey’s forehead furrowed.

“Had a talk with him? That’s all you did?”

“Rey, he’s not going to be a problem anymore. That’s all that matters.”

She snatched her hand away. “What happened?”

“It was necessary,” he said stiffly, his mind beginning to race.

“What was? Ben, you need to tell me what happened.” Rey looked afraid of him, and suddenly Kylo realized that her fearing him would be a million times more painful than her being mad, but it was too late. Pandora’s box was open and there was no closing it now.

“Hux is… dead…” he finally said. Rey gasped as her hand flew to her mouth and she shot up out of her chair, forcing it back with a loud scraping sound.

“Ben…” Her voice was small and watery as tears began to gather in her eyes again. Kylo’s heart was pounding in his ears. “Please tell me it wasn’t you. Tell me you didn’t murder him.”

“Of course, it was me,” he replied sullenly. She took a step back, further away from him and his heart cracked in his chest. “Rey, you don’t understand. I did it to protect you,” he pleaded. Rey’s face screwed up.

“You murdered him,” she spit at him. The beast in his chest, which had been quiet since that night, roared back to life. Kylo shot out of his seat as well, with enough force to knock the chair over.

“I did it for you,” he roared. She flinched but didn’t back down. “And what is one more life on the list of lives I’ve taken? Why were you SO forgiving earlier when I told you what I did, but this is the life you choose to get upset about? Hux attacked you, TWICE. Your reaction makes no sense!” His fists pounded into the table.

“That was then,” she replied, her jaw set in anger as tears continued to trickle down her face. “You were past that. At least I thought,” she said with less fire. She seemed to deflate then, her shoulders slumping. “You didn’t need to kill him. Call the police, or something.”

“The police? Rey be realistic,” he said, running a hand down his face in frustration. “Snoke can get to the police. Why do you think nothing came of those charges you filed when he attacked you?” Rey paused, studying his face for a moment as though reconsidering her anger. He saw the moment she decided to remain angry, her face settling into hard lines as her hand came up to wipe away the now drying tear tracks.

“Ben… I need you to leave. I can’t process this right now. Your past was one thing, but this…. This is too much.” Her eyes were locked on the living room window, avoiding his face. The breath whooshed out of his lungs as suddenly he realized what was happening. Like everyone else in his life, she couldn’t handle his darkness, so she was pushing him away. He tamped down on the anger in his chest and tried to speak as evenly as possible.

“Rey, please don’t do this…”

She cut him off with an abrupt, “Out.” Kylo stood his ground, his attention completely on her as the pain overwhelmed him and the tears began again, slowly crawling down his cheeks. Her eyes darted to him momentarily and he saw her falter for a moment. “Please, Ben…” she said in a near whisper. On autopilot, Kylo walked back to her bedroom and changed back into his clothes. He came out into the living room; Rey was still standing by the table. He shoved his feet into his boots, not bothering to lace them and gathered his coat from the closet. As he opened the door and moved to step through it, he looked back one last time. Rey looked like she was in agony and Kylo bit back a sob as he passed through the doorway, pulling the door shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really trying to wrap this up soon, preferably before December. Life's been really kicking me in the ovaries lately, guys. Sorry this is taking forever. For those of you still here, thank you. I really do appreciate it. Waking up to emails about kudos is honestly the only thing that has kept me working on this. Again, thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> *hiding face behind hands* Be gentle with me! I don't know what I'm doing! If anyone would maybe perhaps be interested in betaing for me, please feel free to speak up. I have several chapters written and at this point I'm literally just winging it. Thanks again for taking a little look-see!


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